Fess up!!!!

[jonny jeez]

Wesa's recent post got me thinking how we are all pretty quick to complain about the appalling activities of some of our “fellow” road sharers (Taxi’s WVM, PEDs etc etc)

But how about you.

What’s the daftest thing you have done, accidentally or otherwise that has made you shiver with embarrassment later on as you recall it from the safety of your armchair.


Some come on all…….FESS UP!!


To get us started,

“My Name is Jonny…... and I’m an arse”…..see below for evidence

http://www.cyclechat.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=43067&page=2

Sigh.....

 

[ChrisKH]

My name is Chris and I'm an arse. I once lived at the brow of a hill and parked my car outside my house and run in to pick up some paperwork before picking up Mrs KH from the station. Now this is a big mother of a hill and is parallel to the Bread and Cheese Hill on the Southend Fnrttc. I'm just putting a key in the lock of my front door when I see movement out of the side of my eye.

F"£$!, my car is moving on it's own down the hill! I must have left the handbrake off! I sprint to the car, put the key in the lock, turn it and it snaps off in the lock! F!"£! F!"£!
I'm going to kill someone! Visions of me in prison somewhere being done for manslaughter, AAARRRRRRRGGHHHHH. I start to cry.

Fortunately the car ran down the hill, across the road and into my neighbours garden and hit a tree. I was so lucky. But I was an arse.

 

[jonny jeez]

My name is Chris and I'm an arse. I once lived at the brow of a hill and parked my car outside my house and run in to pick up some paperwork before picking up Mrs KH from the station. Now this is a big mother of a hill and is parallel to the Bread and Cheese Hill on the Southend Fnrttc. I'm just putting a key in the lock of my front door when I see movement out of the side of my eye.

F"£$!, my car is moving on it's own down the hill! I must have left the handbrake off! I sprint to the car, put the key in the lock, turn it and it snaps off in the lock! F!"£! F!"£!
I'm going to kill someone! Visions of me in prison somewhere being done for manslaughter, AAARRRRRRRGGHHHHH. I start to cry.

Fortunately the car ran down the hill, across the road and into my neighbours garden and hit a tree. I was so lucky. But I was an arse.

Now thats the spirit!

Welcome fellow arse

 

[gavintc]

I was living in Hong Kong some years ago. One night I was very very drunk and decided to head home to visit my parents who also lived there. On getting to their appartment, it was empty and I noted that their yacht was at anchor in the bay. So, I decided to swim out. Stripped off, put clothes in a plastic bag and started to swim at about 2 am. I noticed the boat was not getting much closer and my alcoholic state was reducing leaving me more than a little worried. Eventually, after what seemed like a very long swim and resting on buoys on the way out, I got to the boat. My next problem was to find that the ladder was up and just the smooth sides of a yacht meaning climbing was going to be a challenge. I threw my (now) wet bag of clothes onto the deck and hauled myself up the anchor chain. I then passed out on deck and was found naked in the morning by my parents, cold and with a massive hangover.

What a complete prat I had been.

 

[ChrisKH]

I was living in Hong Kong some years ago. One night I was very very drunk and decided to head home to visit my parents who also lived there. On getting to their appartment, it was empty and I noted that their yacht was at anchor in the bay. So, I decided to swim out. Stripped off, put clothes in a plastic bag and started to swim at about 2 am. I noticed the boat was not getting much closer and my alcoholic state was reducing leaving me more than a little worried. Eventually, after what seemed like a very long swim and resting on buoys on the way out, I got to the boat. My next problem was to find that the ladder was up and just the smooth sides of a yacht meaning climbing was going to be a challenge. I threw my (now) wet bag of clothes onto the deck and hauled myself up the anchor chain. I then passed out on deck and was found naked in the morning by my parents, cold and with a massive hangover.

What a complete prat I had been.

You are Chris Patten's eldest daughter and I claim my £5.

The only thing worse than a complete arse is a complete rich arse! Yacht indeed.

 

[4F]

After a heavy session and whilst still living at home on staggering back to my parents house I tripped up and ended up on their front lawn. Too tired to attempt to get up I decided to fall asleep there. Several hours later I awoke feeling rather cold to find I was covered with a few mm of snow. At this point I decided to go into the house.

In the morning the front garden looked like one of those crime scenes where they put the white tape around the outline of the body and you could clearly see where I had been sleeping.

I was very very drunk ..

 

[gavintc]

complete rich arse! Yacht indeed.

No, my parents were the wealthy ones - living the life of ex-pat luxury. I was on a much more meagre wage working in the New Territories, capturing illegal immigrants and contending with mosquitoes.

 

[DJ]

Going over the bonnet of a car on my bike, it was completely my fault and then I realised I new the person driving the car. Even worse

 

[GrasB]

Worst plank I've been was when I turn right at a no right turning junction, admittedly I was navigating somewhere I didn't know, on a complexed junction (so looking in 50 places at once) & some kinds had stolen the repeater sign but about 2s after I turned I realised why the guy behind was flashing his lights at me . This is why traffic management by information overload doesn't work, but hands up I was a twat for not realising what I was doing until after.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Once upon a time a long, long, loooooooooooooooooong time ago, I was a young squaddie in Germany. I was going out with a German girl and it was a mate's 21st birthday. She failed to turn up as arranged at a bar, so I got plastered. About midnight (and much the worse for drink) I stumbled off towards the flat we shared. En route I spotted our very attractive ....... ahem......female neighbour.

At this point I would very much like to stress I was young, drunk, pissed off with GF and VERY earger for some companionship. She invited me in for a drink, so I said I would be round in a bit. I went into the flat and GF was asleep. She woke up and asked me what I was doing rummaging around the flat. I was trying to find my stash of .....ahem......protection. I then told her I was sleeping on the sofa and went into the living room. She turned the bedroom light off.

That was my signal to go into 'Milk tray Man' mode.

I was out of the flat like a shot and onto our balcony (5th floor) I then climbed onto the outside of the balcony and made my way to our neighbours balcony. How I never fell is a mystery, but I didn't. I then quietly tapped on the balcony door and was let in by the neighbour.

I won't go into details, but things progressed quickly and before long our youthful lithe torsos were locked in a passionate embrace (I read too much Mills & Boon). Part way through the act I heard a noise from next door - my flat. The GF was up and shouting for me!! It was at this point I realised that when I left the flat I locked the front door from the inside - and left my keys IN THE DOOR. There was nowhere else for me to be than in the flat, but I wasn't there.

We crept naked to the balcony door, and heard my GF checking the balcony. I am ashamed to say we carried on regardless, there stood up behind the net curtains, not 5 feet from my GF.

In for the penny, in for the pound, we carried on for the rest of the wee small hours, before I dragged my sorry carcass back to the flat about 6 in the morning. I finally woke up to a blazing row around midday, and was a 'singly' in camp with all my possessions about 4 hours later.

 

[Piemaster]

In a similar vein to ChrisK, getting out of an automatic car whilst leaving it in 'D'. As it was on an uphill incline in a camsite) it didn't start moving off until fter I'd removed my weight from it. I was fortunate in it being a Triumph Stag with the top down at the time so dived in over the boot to get it into neutral and handbrake on before it reached a line of tents.

 

[wesa]

Considering that it was a post from me that inspired this thread (if I can take any credit for it), I realise that I have lead a very boring life.

I am an arse, but there is no one single incident that makes me cringe any more than many, many others; they are all just rather insignificant in comparison!

 

[ComedyPilot]

Along with some other squaddies, I hijacked an ice cream van in Germany.

 

[ComedyPilot]

I went with a mate to a nudist colony in Dortmund (near the Westfalen Turm) and it was a sweltering day. My mate got laid face down, and after a while due to the 'view' he couldn't get up. He got back to camp later with the WORST sunburn I have ever seen.

 

[Plax]

Considering that it was a post from me that inspired this thread (if I can take any credit for it), I realise that I have lead a very boring life.

I am an arse, but there is no one single incident that makes me cringe any more than many, many others; they are all just rather insignificant in comparison!

Same here. I think the worse I've done was fall over backwards drunk into the neigbours garden. My dad found me shortly afterwards and pulled me out the bush. He still to this day teases me about it saying all he could see when he came round the corner was my legs sticking out.

Oh, and another time I was completely plastered in the pub and my best friend had to phone my dad to come and collect me and take me home. He was propping me up one side, and his mate was propping me up the other and I was frog marched down the village like that!