Forced to cook - AGAIN!!!!

[theclaud]

You have correctly spotted the tease.

Never mind that. WTF is a pineapple contrail??I thought they were those things left by aeroplanes...

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Never mind that. WTF is a pineapple contrail??I thought they were those things left by aeroplanes...

You do one swirl of pineapple one way and the other (with the different flavour) the other way. Are you but simple hunter gatherers in Swansea?

 

[theclaud]

You do one swirl of pineapple one way and the other (with the different flavour) the other way. Are you but simple hunter gatherers in Swansea?

Sounds ludicrously poncey to me. I simply cut pineapple into chunks and eat it. If I am feeling especially fancy, it gets a twist of black pepper.

 

[vernon]

Still no pictures, just poncy figments of imagination.

 

[Bollo]

Forced to read about Patrick's dinner - AGAIN!!!!!!

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Sounds ludicrously poncey to me. I simply cut pineapple into chunks and eat it. If I am feeling especially fancy, it gets a twist of black pepper.

Cheese?

 

[andabby]

stew in the slow cooker, then off to see the hobbit, or mother in law as we sometimes say

 

[Crackle]

Cheese?

Now you're talking. And vol au vents. And a party seven.

 

[Wobblers]

Told that there's some pork in the fridge and a stickered pineapple, and I've just got to get on with it. So, it's Masterchef the losers all over again.

Pork -nice local organic, so nothing fancy. Just a simple roast. Bit of additional grated onion in the sage and onion, but again keep it simple. Pineapple for dessert, so no blackberry and apple crumble - and no apple sauce. Hmmm....caramellised apple slices instead. Breaburns and Demerara will be fine. A lot of manky brussel sprouts in the back of the fridge. Not my favourite vegetable, but here goes. Sprout puree with blackened sprout leaves. Smooth but with nutty flavour. Still got a fair few Jerusalem artichokes, so a quick lift and slice and blanch. Cold water to await going in the hot pork fat to colour them. Treat them like scallops and you won't go wrong

Potatoes - nothing poncey with fondants, but a little bit more than simple roasts (actually they are not that simple) so cubing, par boiling and finish off in the pork fat, so they are a light crispy brown.

It's been a doddle so far, so there's time for a little refinement with the gravy (jus to the lefties) . Start off with a standard oxo cube and then use an Earl Grey infusion (posh name for a tea bag) some very finely minced apricot and the dregs of a port bottle. If you need to thicken use plain flour, not corn flour. As it is an adjustment - use the water method not the roux method. Reduce until you get a glaze. If you don't see the glaze then add some red currant jelly.

The pineapple. 40p and it's got to be eaten. Hmmm..........small overlapping chunks. Cinnamon and sugar on one contrail and salted almond and bitter chocolate* on the other - do them in swirls. In the oven on residual heat after you've taken the pork out to rest while you make the gravy. If necessary, give them a quick blast under the grill before serving.

*No need to send your butler out - I got some at the local petrol station.

So which client did you charge this to?

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Sounds ludicrously poncey to me. I simply cut pineapple into chunks and eat it. If I am feeling especially fancy, it gets a twist of black pepper.

It's a bit embarrassing to admit - but it's incredibly simple and totally delicious. The supreme commander was wolfing it down. Down to the basics - two lots of pineapple. One lot gets a mixture of sugar and cinnamon. The other one gets dark chocolate and almonds. Both go in the oven. Preparation time - minimal. Skill level - well if I were lucky enough to have a grand child, I'd starting him or her at 3 on this one.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

And what on gods earth is the "water method"?!

You mix it with water.

(One gets the feeling that a lot on here have domestic staff to cook for them)

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Flour? ( one hopes)

I have to admit to being shite at gravy, these nigella style posts (but without the tits) could actually be useful.

Hmm. ...........the easiest way by far is to use cornflour and water. At the top end, then it's the roux method with plain flour and butter. If you cock it up, then use an electric blender to get rid of the lumps. The additional aeration is not a problem with a fish sauce, thus giving you a margin for error with Sole Veronique.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Remind me to send you my recipe for cheese and beetroot sandwiches.

Bread (two slices), butter, cheese and beetroot is my uneductaed guess

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

@Patrick Stevens I think we need @Arch to get you back under control

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

And that little dash of je ne sais quoi.

Natch (as they say)