To whom it may concern,
It has been brought to my attention that you are the organisational body responsible for the regulation and supervision of wind direction around the British Isles, and as such, I wish to issue a formal complaint with regards to the numerous incidences of bullying, and for the unfair treatment that you have certainly directed towards me as an individual for 4 years, and possibly to the entire community of cyclists as a whole over the past 200 years.
I enjoy commuting to work on a bicycle for numerous reasons. It is, however, less enjoyable when it is into the face of a blustery gale, such as the one I experienced this morning… and yesterday morning… and pretty much every morning.
Now cycling is an activity that literally has its ups and downs. If you start and finish at the same location, you will, by very definition have descended just as many feet as you have climbed. Cycling is fair in that regard. For every gruelling mile you put in uphill, you get rewarded with a glorious freewheel downwards. By this token and the very questionable ‘law of averages’, for every headwind that I cycle into, surely; I repeat, SURELY… I should be rewarded with at least a modest breath of tailwind, aiding me onwards to my destination?
Well that’s not quite how it works is it B.I.T.C.H? Because after struggling into a headwind in the morning, I mount my steed at five minutes past five o’clock with the pain of the morning commute pushed firmly to the back of my mind, optimism overflowing, because I’m now owed one. Like the feeling at the plateau pinnacle of a climb, when your thighs stop burning and you know that the rush of the descent is imminent, I kick off from my place of work only to find to my horror, that not only has the wind changed direction, it has reversed and is once again blowing into my face. I’ve climbed the metaphorical mountain, rounded the bend at the top, only to discover that the road continues up, not down.
Head down… grind it home.
Ever the optimist, it would be possible to view the struggle of a commute with a rosy tint should my weekend and leisure riding benefit from your kindness. Alas, that would be just too kind wouldn’t it? As you are well aware, in lovely sunny, summery June I cycled with Mark to his stag do, from Merseyside to Cardiff. Now I’m not blaming you for the two visits from the puncture fairy less than 20 miles into the ride (I will be taking that issue up with her separately), but why… why oh why for 12 continuous hours, would you keep this gargantuan headwind blowing straight into our faces, when on a commuting day you enjoy changing it around so damn much? The Brecon Beacons are challenge enough on their own. Limiting our speed to 8mph on the way up is just rapacious. You knew we were carrying our tents and sleeping bags as well as a few cans of Stella, our finest brogues, a wedding dress and handcuffs. Have you no compassion?
I know what you’re going to say. In the summer months you have often advertised a south to north prevailing wind, and we were always taking a risk by journeying south. So can you then explain why during my End to End ride in June 2009 I was subjected to 9 consecutive days of block headwind when travelling from Land’s End to John O’Groats?
I am not sure what I or we have done to upset you. Maybe you drive to work in a white van and have to sit in queues and jams that we can safely sail past? Perhaps you enjoy driving your sports car down country lanes at the weekend and get held up by us in our club packs taking up almost a whole lane and travelling much slower than you want to go? – I mean the cheek of it! We don’t even pay road tax (sic). Maybe your ex-wife ran away with a cyclist because despite having shaved girly legs, his stamina in the bedroom far outlasted yours, and the Lycra he wore was to serve more purpose than just to hold in his gut to make putting his pants on easier?
Either way, it would be most appreciated if you could please review your policies on this matter and that we could come to some sort of agreement that is fair to us all. I’m not asking for no headwinds or no wind at all… just a more even distribution for the sake my own sanity.
Yours faithfully,
It has been brought to my attention that you are the organisational body responsible for the regulation and supervision of wind direction around the British Isles, and as such, I wish to issue a formal complaint with regards to the numerous incidences of bullying, and for the unfair treatment that you have certainly directed towards me as an individual for 4 years, and possibly to the entire community of cyclists as a whole over the past 200 years.
I enjoy commuting to work on a bicycle for numerous reasons. It is, however, less enjoyable when it is into the face of a blustery gale, such as the one I experienced this morning… and yesterday morning… and pretty much every morning.
Now cycling is an activity that literally has its ups and downs. If you start and finish at the same location, you will, by very definition have descended just as many feet as you have climbed. Cycling is fair in that regard. For every gruelling mile you put in uphill, you get rewarded with a glorious freewheel downwards. By this token and the very questionable ‘law of averages’, for every headwind that I cycle into, surely; I repeat, SURELY… I should be rewarded with at least a modest breath of tailwind, aiding me onwards to my destination?
Well that’s not quite how it works is it B.I.T.C.H? Because after struggling into a headwind in the morning, I mount my steed at five minutes past five o’clock with the pain of the morning commute pushed firmly to the back of my mind, optimism overflowing, because I’m now owed one. Like the feeling at the plateau pinnacle of a climb, when your thighs stop burning and you know that the rush of the descent is imminent, I kick off from my place of work only to find to my horror, that not only has the wind changed direction, it has reversed and is once again blowing into my face. I’ve climbed the metaphorical mountain, rounded the bend at the top, only to discover that the road continues up, not down.
Head down… grind it home.
Ever the optimist, it would be possible to view the struggle of a commute with a rosy tint should my weekend and leisure riding benefit from your kindness. Alas, that would be just too kind wouldn’t it? As you are well aware, in lovely sunny, summery June I cycled with Mark to his stag do, from Merseyside to Cardiff. Now I’m not blaming you for the two visits from the puncture fairy less than 20 miles into the ride (I will be taking that issue up with her separately), but why… why oh why for 12 continuous hours, would you keep this gargantuan headwind blowing straight into our faces, when on a commuting day you enjoy changing it around so damn much? The Brecon Beacons are challenge enough on their own. Limiting our speed to 8mph on the way up is just rapacious. You knew we were carrying our tents and sleeping bags as well as a few cans of Stella, our finest brogues, a wedding dress and handcuffs. Have you no compassion?
I know what you’re going to say. In the summer months you have often advertised a south to north prevailing wind, and we were always taking a risk by journeying south. So can you then explain why during my End to End ride in June 2009 I was subjected to 9 consecutive days of block headwind when travelling from Land’s End to John O’Groats?
I am not sure what I or we have done to upset you. Maybe you drive to work in a white van and have to sit in queues and jams that we can safely sail past? Perhaps you enjoy driving your sports car down country lanes at the weekend and get held up by us in our club packs taking up almost a whole lane and travelling much slower than you want to go? – I mean the cheek of it! We don’t even pay road tax (sic). Maybe your ex-wife ran away with a cyclist because despite having shaved girly legs, his stamina in the bedroom far outlasted yours, and the Lycra he wore was to serve more purpose than just to hold in his gut to make putting his pants on easier?
Either way, it would be most appreciated if you could please review your policies on this matter and that we could come to some sort of agreement that is fair to us all. I’m not asking for no headwinds or no wind at all… just a more even distribution for the sake my own sanity.
Yours faithfully,
