Funniest football chants you've heard

[Wolf04]

It was a local derby between the Toon and the Village of the Damned. Andy O'Brien scores a critical goal for the Toon. Some bright spark remembering that a former player Liam O'Brien had achieved a similar feat started the chant:
Liam O'Brien Andy O'Brien any any O'Brien (to the any old iron tune) a brilliant victory for the just and righteous cause.

 

[Maz]

Nice one BTFB, I enjoyed that!

Loftus Rd, plastic pitch - must've been mid-80s-ish. One of only a handful of grounds that had them (Luton, Oldham and a couple more).

 

[PaulB]

Loftus Rd, plastic pitch - must've been mid-80s-ish. One of only a handful of grounds that had them (Luton, Oldham and a couple more).

I saw my brother play at Deepdale, Preston North End's ground, for Everton reserves and that had an astro-style turf. My dad asked him if he preferred grass or astro-turf and he replied in all honesty, "I've never smoked astro-turf." Everton's loss when his career was ended, as you can imagine!

 

[alecstilleyedye]

i remember the alex played preston on that pitch, and they (preston) were wearing tights under their shorts. as the wore black shorts with white piping, it looked like they were wearing suspenders.

"oh preston wear suspenders, yes they do"

we won 2-1.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

There used to be a South Korean player called Lee Young-Pyo who played for Spurs. The chant went "he'll shoot, he'll score, he'll eat your Labrador. Lee Young-Pyo! Lee Young-Pyo!"

 

[alecstilleyedye]

There used to be a South Korean player called Lee Young-Pyo who played for Spurs. The chant went "he'll shoot, he'll score, he'll eat your Labrador. Lee Young-Pyo! Lee Young-Pyo!"

in a similar vein, we had liverpool youngster alan navarro on loan. the chant was "he's short, he's scouse, he's come to rob your house, navarro…".

 

[longers]

We had fun singing "He's got a tea towel on his head*, " at Efetobe Sodje, till they changed ends.

One of yours Alecs?

*a bandana actually.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I've heard this at Upton Park ,
to the tune of "You are my sunshine"-

You are a scouser, an ugly scouser,
You're only happy on giro day,
Your mum's out theiving,
Your dad's drug dealing,
But please don't take my hubcaps away...

 

[Rolling Thunder]

There's always the old Gary Neville one

Neville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your play is immense,
Neville Neville, like Jacko you're bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad

but I think the best one is

up in Scotland a few years back Rangers goalkeeper Andy Goram was diagnosed as being mildly schizophrenic. Dundee fans were heard to sing...
Two Andy Gorams,
There's only two Andy Gorams

 

[alecstilleyedye]

We had fun singing "He's got a tea towel on his head*, " at Efetobe Sodje, till they changed ends.

One of yours Alecs?

*a bandana actually.

sure was. macc town too.

 

[yenrod]

When Beckham was with Manu. I know he used to get well jibbed...something along the lines of his wife takes it up the...

How he felt listening to thousands of fans saying that is beyond me !

No wonder he ****ed off to yankland.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Wasn't it something like

oooooohhh
posh spice is a slapper
she wears a big fat jewel
n when shes ****ing beckam
she thinks of harry kewil
ooooohhhh
posh spice is a slapper
she really isn't proud
n when she's ****ing beckam
she thinks of the leeds crowd

 

[Alan Frame]

When you sit in Row Z,
And the ball hits your head
That's Zamora.

Sounds best sung by Dean Martin.

 

[Maz]

When you sit in Row Z,
And the ball hits your head
That's Zamora.

Sounds best sung by Dean Martin.

I do like that one! Simple, but clever.

 

[Baggy]

Sung by Chelsea fans:

Celery,
Celery,
If she doesn't come,
I'll tickle her bum,
With a stick of celery.

I still don't know why.