Give me some dialogue from your day

[Arch]

12

Only since 1752. Prior to that, it was 17. The change came about due to the Great Cabbage Bubble of 1751, when hundreds of people were duped into investing their mickles in cabbages. So many mickes were simply lost from the equation, there weren't enough to make up a full number of muckles, and so the mickle/muckle ratio was revised downwards.

 

[Archie_tect]

That Marquis de Bruxelles!

 

[Matthew_T]

Mum: I nearly hit a deer on the way home tonight.
Me: Oh here we go...
Mum: Well I think it was a deer. It was near the Aberwheeler turning and ran straight across the road.
Dad: How do you know it was a deer?
Mum: Well I am not entirely sure it was a deer. It might have been a rabbit. It had a small body and thin legs. What could it have been?
Me: A warerabbit?

Everyone laughs.

 

[NormanD]

Mum : I've had some terrible nights sleeping of late
Me : Oh really! (please not a long story of medical complaints)
Mum : I don't know what it is
Me : what, what is?
Mum : what's keeping me awake at nights!
Me : well go see the doctor then
Mum : how do you sleep?
Me : I just close my eyes, it turns black and I wake up before the alarm goes off, not knowing I've been asleep for the last seven hours! (SOH reply)
Mum : I've had them nights too!!
Me : (semi smiling) what nights?
Mum : sleeping next to a smart arse like you!

 

[ColinJ]

Me: What is the difference between these boots and these - they both look the same!
Shop person: The one in your right hand is a man's boot and the one in your left hand is a woman's boot of the same brand.
Me: What's the difference between a man's boot and a woman's boot of the same brand?
Shop person: Men's feet are a slightly different shape to women's feet!
Me: Oh!
Shop person: What, you've never noticed?
Me: I, er ... no, not really, I just thought that they tended to be smaller!

 

[gb155]

Oh, you don't want to hear what that crazy guy was wittering on about!

ME and Myself have great arguments

Me: I'm happy with my bike stable for the next few years now

Myself: Yup we agree

Me: but if I sell XXX and buy YYY

Myself: Yeah do it

Me: No, I dont think I will

Myself: well thats bloody stupid, sort it out

.............. etc etc etc

 

[BigonaBianchi]

$%*"^%*&(+£-"!1&^8**%%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Doseone]

Me: Hello
Him: Can I speak to Geraldine?
Me: No. Sorry. No one of that name lives here.
Him: Did she tell you to say that?
Me: Err... Um... No... I don't know anyone called Geraldine (not 100% true but given the context...)
Him: 01403 XXXXXX is the number I was given.
Me: Well that IS the number you've dialled but like I said...
Him: Put her on!
Me: I can't. You've got the wrong number.
Him: You just said it was your number your ****er. PUT HER ON.
Me: Bye! (hangs up)

You can't just leave it at that... you've got to tell us what's going on!! That would make a great book opening.

 

[Speicher]

I found another Thursday 27th May 2010, so changed that to the 24th, and then found we had two Mondays the 24ths of Mays 2010.

Sometimes the groups are down for being upstairs.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

You can't just leave it at that... you've got to tell us what's going on!! That would make a great book opening.

it's not like that. sorry.

I do know a Geraldine. She is in her 70's. Friend of my late mothers. She does come round sometimes for a cup of tea and a yack but less so now the Aged P lives in Wales. I don't think anyone has ever called her here...

He did ring back and left a very angry very rude message on the call minder. But I reckon since then he's got hold of the right number.

 

[Doseone]

it's not like that. sorry.

I do know a Geraldine. She is in her 70's. Friend of my late mothers. She does come round sometimes for a cup of tea and a yack but less so now the Aged P lives in Wales. I don't think anyone has ever called her here...

He did ring back and left a very angry very rude message on the call minder. But I reckon since then he's got hold of the right number.

Thanks. Still a great dialogue, even if the reality is a little less exciting than I had imagined.

 

[ColinJ]

Me: Hello
Him: Can I speak to Geraldine?
Me: No. Sorry. No one of that name lives here.
Him: Did she tell you to say that?
Me: Err... Um... No... I don't know anyone called Geraldine (not 100% true but given the context...)
Him: 01403 XXXXXX is the number I was given.
Me: Well that IS the number you've dialled but like I said...
Him: Put her on!
Me: I can't. You've got the wrong number.
Him: You just said it was your number your ****er. PUT HER ON.
Me: Bye! (hangs up)

Ha ha!

I had an incensed old guy phone my number a few years back ...

Me: Hello?
Mad OAP: I'd like to speak to the man in charge!
Me: In charge of what?
Mad OAP: The police station, what else!
Me: You've got the wrong number!
Mad OAP: Oh no I haven't!
Me: Oh yes you have!
Mad OAP: Oh no I haven't!
Me: Well, this is getting just a wee bit silly isn't it!
Mad OAP: I demand to speak to your commanding officer!
Me: I don't work for the police, this is not a police station, you dialled the wrong number!
Mad OAP: Oh no I haven't! I dialled xxxxx yyyyyy.
Me: No you didn't, you jumbled the numbers up and dialled my number instead. You need to dial again - carefully!
Mad OAP: I demand to ...

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately!

Mad OAP: I'd like to speak to the man in charge!
Me: You used 'redial' didn't you!
Mad OAP: Yes, and I told you before - I'll have your badge if you don't put me through to the officer in charge!
Me: I'm sorry, sir, I don't own a badge! Would you like me to go out and buy one so you can have it?
Mad OAP: You impudent whippersnapper!

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately!

Me: Please stop using redial because it only redials the wrong number that you rang in the first place!

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately!

Me: Okay, that's enough - I'm going to stop answering the phone now!

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately! And rings, and rings, and rings ... for about 10 minutes. Finally, silence. Aaaaaaaah!

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

Ha ha!

I had an incensed old guy phone my number a few years back ...

Me: Hello?
Mad OAP: I'd like to speak to the man in charge!
Me: In charge of what?
Mad OAP: The police station, what else!
Me: You've got the wrong number!
Mad OAP: Oh no I haven't!
Me: Oh yes you have!
Mad OAP: Oh no I haven't!
Me: Well, this is getting just a wee bit silly isn't it!
Mad OAP: I demand to speak to your commanding officer!
Me: I don't work for the police, this is not a police station, you dialled the wrong number!
Mad OAP: Oh no I haven't! I dialled xxxxx yyyyyy.
Me: No you didn't, you jumbled the numbers up and dialled my number instead. You need to dial again - carefully!
Mad OAP: I demand to ...

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately!

Mad OAP: I'd like to speak to the man in charge!
Me: You used 'redial' didn't you!
Mad OAP: Yes, and I told you before - I'll have your badge if you don't put me through to the officer in charge!
Me: I'm sorry, sir, I don't own a badge! Would you like me to go out and buy one so you can have it?
Mad OAP: You impudent whippersnapper!

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately!

Me: Please stop using redial because it only redials the wrong number that you rang in the first place!

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately!

Me: Okay, that's enough - I'm going to stop answering the phone now!

(I hang up)
The phone rings again immediately! And rings, and rings, and rings ... for about 10 minutes. Finally, silence. Aaaaaaaah!

Mad OAP [having redialled the police] Hello, I want to report an anonymous phone caller...

 

[Canrider]

That's nuts.^^

Miss Canrider (3 going on 53): Daddy, today you need to clean the whole house so it's nice for Mommy when she comes home.
Me: Are you going to help me clean?
Miss C: No Daddy, I have to eat a lot of cereal today.

That's going to be a lot of cereal, then.

 

[coffeejo]

My landlord: How's the cold?
Me: Clinging on. How's your hand? (He recently had an op on it)
Himself: They want to do the other one next. Seven weeks in a sling!
Me: Will Herself be making you wear concrete shoes so you keep still and don't overdo it?
Himself: More like shackles.
Me: