Give me some dialogue from your day

[annedonnelly]

There's been a lot of cricket discussion in the office today...

Matt: I think they should have a more impressive trophy

Me: Well, it's historic, isn't it?

Alex: I don't know how they got a whole burnt ship in such a little thing.

Me: A ship? It's the bales off the wicket.

Alex: No, it's a ship that burnt.

Me: Don't believe everything you read on the internet!

 

[lee1980sim]

Supposed supervisor "Lee can I have a word"
Me "no my shifts ended"
Supervisor "it'll only take 5mins"
Me (thinking no it won't unless I'm not allowed an opinion) "Well it can be done in work time then"
Supervisor "I'll pass that on then"
Me "good, pass on that I've refused to do or discuss work outside of work hours and I'll see what the unions stand on it is"

Tbc

 

[ColinJ]

(Internal dialogue)

ColinJ: Have you been for a bike ride today?

ColinJ: No. I looked out of the window earlier and it was raining.

ColinJ: Is it still raining?

ColinJ: No, the sun is shining.

ColinJ: So, are you going to go out now?

ColinJ: Er, I suppose so ...

ColinJ: Well stop being such a lazy b*st*rd. CycleChat will somehow survive without you. Go and do it now so you stand some chance of getting back before dark!

ColinJ: I hear and obey, master!

(Exit, stage left ...)

 

[ColinJ]

Me: Don't believe everything you read on the internet!

Good advice - I once spent 5 seconds on a website that was suggesting that watching cricket was more interesting than watching paint dry!

 

[Lullabelle]

At work I do the mail in and out. This evening I looked at a large envelope and something didn't look quite right, realised what so went over to my boss

Boss: it is Sa**k's leaving card
Me: pointing to the name and address on the front 'that is Ur**h
Boss: oh my god, really, well spotted

Good job I paid attention, can you imagine someone getting a 'sorry you have left card' unexpectedly

 

[perplexed]

Watching the news yesterday with Mrs. P.

Mrs. P - 'This Camila Batmanghelidjh character...'

Me - 'Yup?'

Mrs. P. - 'I bet she was rubbish at hide and seek at school...'

 

[pplpilot]

Thursday night is my night out for a beer and curry, normally ends in 7/8 pints and a Vindaloo much to the annoyance of mrs pplpilot that has to sleep next to me...

2am... Me visiting the bathroom and returning back to bed...

Mrs pplpilot > for goodness sake do you really need to make soooo much noise going for a widdle, cant you aim left or right a little?
Me > where's the fun in that? I like to see how much foam i can make...
Mrs pplpilot > i give up, i really do give up.
Me >
Mrs pplpilot > you can make a start decorating the spare room this weekend, ill go and buy a bed...vile creature.
Me >

 

[gbb]

Me...''Hahahaha, hahaha'
Wife..'hahaha, heehee
Me...'Im going in '

circa 6 to 8 or 10 ft waves occasionally crashing In on the beach here, almost immediately everyone near whoops and dives headfirst into them, gets wiped put by them, girls squeel, guys grin, one local body boards down the tunnels at some speed...awesome fun.
One couple just preferred to sit near the edge, the death zone as i called it, and continually got rolled, blown over, obliterated by the waves...and loved it.
Apparently the waves a couple miles up reach 6 to 7 METRES high later in the year, its a world class surfing venue

 

[gbb]

Sat at the beach bar, watching some people do capoeira (brazilian martial arts) to music we got up and started to walk back to the hotel..the wife slipped on her flipflops.
100 or so yards later she suddenly uttered...
' wheres my flipflops'
'on your feet you silly mare'
'theyre not MY flipflops '
me...

Off she hurried...5 minutes later she returned with her flipflops...
'what took you so long ?'
' there was a policeman right next to where mine were..i didnt dare swap them while he was there '
me...

 

[lee1980sim]

Supposed supervisor "Lee can I have a word"
Me "no my shifts ended"
Supervisor "it'll only take 5mins"
Me (thinking no it won't unless I'm not allowed an opinion) "Well it can be done in work time then"
Supervisor "I'll pass that on then"
Me "good, pass on that I've refused to do or discuss work outside of work hours and I'll see what the unions stand on it is"

Tbc

So yesterday nothing was said even when he was stood side by side with the assistant ops manager so either he said something to him and was put right or he didn't "report " Me
However upon finishing my shift I was cycling out of work as he was walking in from his lunch and despite him seeing me cycle out hundreds of times before he felt the need to comment that I was going the wrong way in the yard (when I started cycling I checked with the management what rules apply re one-way and Hi-Viz, and as I have to wear a Hi-Viz I'm classed as a pedestrian so the one-way doesn't count) so I'm beginning to think he's trying to be an arse with me now, unfortunately for him he's already on the loosing side and he's verging on harassment, oh the joy

 

[ufkacbln]

Coming home tonight on the Christiania

Couple of tennagers at the end of the road


One turns to the other...

"That is the guy with the collection of Weird bikes... and they all have three wheels"

 

[jhawk]

Dad: "It's your grandmother's birthday today!"

Me: "Oh?"

Dad: "Yes, she's hit 71! Better than the Aussies did last week!"

 

[ColinJ]

I was out on a ride a few evenings ago on a narrow hilltop lane. I heard a car coming up behind me so I sprinted ahead to where there was a farm track to the left, and pulled in. The car overtook me and the driver did a little thank-you beep on his horn. The young woman passenger leaned out of the car as it went by:

Passenger: "Thank you, sexy bottom!"

[Short pause ...]

Passenger: "Oh, bloody hell, he's really old!!!"

Driver: "Ha ha ha!"

I didn't know whether to feel flattered or insulted!

 

[gbb]

Just driving home from mums, the wife is reading her Facebook off her mobile...she said...
'Huh, I don't get it ?.
'Whats that ?'
'Someones posted a joke, but I don't get it'
'Go on then...tell me...'

It went...
'so I walked out the front door, suitcase in my hand feeling happy for the first time in years...the wife screamed after me 'I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE SLOW DEATH '....to which I replied....'so you DO want me to stay '

It took me about 1/4 second to burst out laughing ...brilliant.

The wife looked at me.....'I still don't get it'

 

[jhawk]

I am away for a week house-sitting.

Messaged Dad on Facebook.

"Missing me yet?"

"Yeah. Sure, let's go with that."

"I've just cycled up to the shops to get milk and cereal, so that's groceries for a week!"



"How did you manage for the twenty-five years that I wasn't a part of your life?"

"I'm undertaking a minimalist diet for a week in a bid to lose weight."