Give me some dialogue from your day

[Mad Doug Biker]

Wow, just wow!!

 

[gbb]

We're sat watching the news, a piece is on about robots, perhaps replacing peoples . jobs in the next 15 to 20 years.
The wife asks me (tongue in cheek)..'Could they replace you with a robot ?'
Me....'Wouldnt need one, probably just use a monkey'

 

[gbb]

Boss to me..
'Don't forget, you're on an all day HACCP course tomorrow'
Me.....
'Oh FFS, we havnt got enough time to get stuff done as it is'
Younger colleague...
'Yebbut, you get free dinner '
Me...
'Oooh '

 

[gbb]

Spent the day in a course with some fellow workers, some I know, some I dont.
2 English
1 Spanish
1 Russian
1 Lithuanian
1 Hungarian
2 Polish
1 Latvian...I think that was the mix.
For some reason the conversations got a bit political and nationalistic at times...considering it was a food safety course (nothing serious, just banter for the most part...i think)
As we were filling in forms, one question asked your ethnicity, my' English' colleague announced...tongue in cheek...
'I cant fill it in, it hasnt got English as an option'
Spanish Luis replies...
'Yes you can, it says British there'
'Im English, not British'
'Yebbut, youre British too'
'Im English first'
Spanish Luis protested light heartedly,' theres no difference anyway'

Me to Luis...
'Ok, so do you consider yourself Spanish or European...iI know the answer, you're Spanish'
'Of course'
'And if you were Catalan, you wouldnt want to be called Spanish would you ?'
'Wouldnt matter, they wouldn't get the choice
...

 

[ColinJ]

ColinJ: So you will be going back to Texas at the end of the month?

Texan: Yes. At least it should be below 100 degrees at night by then!

ColinJ: 100 degrees at night!!!!! I can see why you go away for the summer!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

At about 6.15 last night I was asked suddenly out of the blue

Them: 'When are you getting picked up for the Curling?'

Me: 'What? I thought it was Friday?...... When?'

Them: 'Its down for tonight at 7.50'.

I check the sheet with the matches as one was cancelled recently.

Me, now asking someone else: 'What date is it??'

Them: 'I'm not sure'

I check

Me: '..... Oh ****!! I forgot!!'

After getting an arrangement to get picked up at 7.10, a quick jump in the shower and getting all my things ready, I had plenty of time to wait for my lift in the end.

All sorted, and we rather embarrassingly won 12 - 0 (although it is only an internal club tournament anyway)



Thanks, I would never have remembered that

 

[classic33]

Define a 'smidgeon'.

Is there a weights and measures office somewhere for it?

SMIDGEN - A smidgen holds 1/2 pinch or 1/32 teaspoon. 2 smidgens = 1 pinch

PINCH - A pinch holds 1/2 dash or 1/16 teaspoon. 2 pinches = 1 dash
A pinch has historically been defined as "an amount that can be taken between the thumb and forefinger" but without any definite equivalent in other units of measurement.

DASH - A dash holds 1/8 teaspoon. 8 dashes = 1 teaspoon
A dash was originally considered a liquid measure, a small but indefinite amount. More recently the term has been used as both a liquid and dry measurement.

NOTE: There is some contention as to just how much a pinch or dash is. Some contend that they are both equal to 1/16 teaspoon, while others claim a pinch equals 1/16 teaspoon, but a dash equals 1/8 teaspoon.

http://www.accuracyproject.org/pinchdash.html

&
In the early 2000s some companies began selling measuring spoons that defined (or redefined) a dash as 1⁄8 teaspoon, a pinch as 1⁄16 teaspoon, and a smidgen as 1⁄32 teaspoon. Based on these spoons, there are two pinches in a dash and two smidgens in a pinch.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinch_(cooking)

 

[Cubist]

SMIDGEN - A smidgen holds 1/2 pinch or 1/32 teaspoon. 2 smidgens = 1 pinch

PINCH - A pinch holds 1/2 dash or 1/16 teaspoon. 2 pinches = 1 dash
A pinch has historically been defined as "an amount that can be taken between the thumb and forefinger" but without any definite equivalent in other units of measurement.

DASH - A dash holds 1/8 teaspoon. 8 dashes = 1 teaspoon
A dash was originally considered a liquid measure, a small but indefinite amount. More recently the term has been used as both a liquid and dry measurement.

NOTE: There is some contention as to just how much a pinch or dash is. Some contend that they are both equal to 1/16 teaspoon, while others claim a pinch equals 1/16 teaspoon, but a dash equals 1/8 teaspoon.

http://www.accuracyproject.org/pinchdash.html

&
In the early 2000s some companies began selling measuring spoons that defined (or redefined) a dash as 1⁄8 teaspoon, a pinch as 1⁄16 teaspoon, and a smidgen as 1⁄32 teaspoon. Based on these spoons, there are two pinches in a dash and two smidgens in a pinch.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinch_(cooking)

We need a vernacular engineering scale as well..... You know, the one where a midge's dick is measured as half a gnat's cock.....


We had a physics teacher that used to love the maths involved in different standards. We once had to calculate velocity in furlongs per fortnight!

 

[stephec]

Earlier tonight the FIL tells me a tale from his younger days when he and the MIL were lying in bed.

The curtains were open and the moonlight was shining on her face.

He turned to her and said, "you look lovely in the dark."

 

[gbb]

I've always had a game with the grandkids, the girls have always loved it....
I'll tell them if theyre sat on me,, usually with a farmer voice...'get orrf moi laaand'. Ill then launch them off me and into a cushion...rough but safe, they love it.
Yasmine is 2 and has always been a little introverted, clingy with mum.
This evening we're sat at theirs and Yasmine looks at me and out of the blue says...
'Grandad....'
'Yeees '..sensing an Impishness In her voice
'Im on your land '

...let the play fight begin...

 

[gbb]

Dawn is one of long servers at work, no nonsense, bark's worse than her bite, once you get to know her she's a good egg and good for winding up...
I wander up to her machine....'whats your problem (a reasonable request, she's called me to the machine'....I continue after just a second...'apart from the obvious'
'You cheeky farker ...waddyamean...apart from the obvious '

Harharrr

Later, im in the ladies loos , theres a leak...honest.
A newish woman walks In just as im finishing..
'Ooh, is there a problem' she asks slightly surprised to see me..
'No, just finished, the middle sink wont work, ive shut the taps off'
'You surprised me, i thought there was an animal loose in here or something'
'Haha do i look like the pest controller '

'

 

[classic33]

We need a vernacular engineering scale as well..... You know, the one where a midge's dick is measured as half a gnat's cock.....


We had a physics teacher that used to love the maths involved in different standards. We once had to calculate velocity in furlongs per fortnight!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair's_breadth
&
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muggeseggele

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/qqkfk/i_didnt_know_that_was_a_unit_of_measurement/

 

[Tin Pot]

"My neck is hurting I need an ambulance!"
"Please! My whole body is hurting, I can't get up!"

Ha, ha.

 

[gbb]

My wife is very very good, tea is almost always done for when I get in, I always clear up and make a cuppa afterwards...tonight I cooked.
All the following is said tongue in cheek, we always have a bit of fun, some verbal banter...
My wife....'This makes a change '
Me....,.,,,.,,,,'Its nice to give you a break from it'
Then the usual banter kicks in between us...
Me As we finish eating......'Gonna take you ages to clear that lot up', looking at the pile of pots and pans.
Wife....'No , ...im going for a bath '
Me...with mock indignation....'Well thats choice innit, slave my guts out, and thats all the thanks I get'
Then i sit there...'That was lovely' (the dinner) and look expectantly at the wife, hoping (jokingly) she'll agree...
Nothing....
I said again...'I really enjoyed that'
Wife......
Now im at the sink clearing the big pile of pots....
Wife....'You want a biscuit ?' from the packet in front of her..
Me....'Maybe about 9 oclock.., when ive finished this lot (surveying the pots and pans on the worktops)...'i'll probably pass, i'll be too knackered'
Wife.....'You know how I feel then'

 

[TVC]

"My neck is hurting I need an ambulance!"
"Please! My whole body is hurting, I can't get up!"

Ha, ha.

Come on, you need to tell us more