Glad I'm on my own in the office today

[Fnaar]

Nice I have to admit when I am smelling a bit I give my wife a cuppa-fart. This is when I cup my hand and fart into it and then quickly put my cupped hand over her nose. I am all style

I like your style, Cheesney

 

[Ste T.]

I remember watching Ant and Dec years ago when they were still doing kids TV on a Saturday. They were asking for emails about embarrassing parents when a young lad emailed about his dads trick of waiting till the lad had some friends round. He would disappear into the kitchen and do an 'eggy pump' into the biscuit barrel and then come in and open it up under his friends nose with a loud "Care for a biscuit?" Classic :¬))

 

[vernon]

On more than one occasion I've stood behind a row of boys in the classroom and dropped an SBD, retreated and watched the ensuing accusations, denials and physical violence.

 

[mickle]

Thanks for the recipe Vern, I'll let you know how it goes!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Did you have a cork fitted?

My large intestine was removed (have I not mentioned this several times?? it certainly feels like it!), so I now have an inactive bum and I now fart (and crap) into a bag connected to the small intestine instead. Well, you DID ask!

That said, from what I have read about the operation to reverse it, I could be back in time for the 2012 Olympic trials, even if a Pouch is considered Para Olympic!!

Incidentally, when I had the operation, I asked if I could have a picture of what they removed (well, how many chances do you ever get of seeing your insides?), so I now have a photo of my Ulcerative Colitis riddled bowel on the computer here (if anyone wants to see it, ha ha!!).

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Sympathise as after 3 years in a job I hated I ended up with IBS, confirmed after some unpleasantness with cameras . Changed employers last summer, symptoms vanished in three weeks and have been untroubled ever since.

That's because you obviously saved it all up and gave it to me instead in the form of Ulcerative Colitis, you b*****d!!

By the way, in a similar vein to me asking for a picture of my intestine, when I have an endoscopy, I always lie there and watch what the screen so I can see what it all looks like.

Some people have to have sedation for it, but to me that is boring! Oh and I suppose certain aspects of my private life have helped ....erm, loosen it all slightly.
I know *exactly* what to do when they say 'relax'.

Never had that problem as a kid.

As a kid I was nicknamed 'Stinkbomb' by the Grandpa, I was that bad, even then

 

[vernon]

Thanks for the recipe Vern, I'll let you know how it goes!

It's a winner in every sense.

I used it last night and the ample sample consumed before bed has me tooting mildly this morning.

Post lunch should be a different story as I'll be sharing the soup with a colleague.

 

[taxing]

On more than one occasion I've stood behind a row of boys in the classroom and dropped an SBD, retreated and watched the ensuing accusations, denials and physical violence.

I used to do that while invigilating exams.


I'm smothering laughter over the eggy pump into the biscuit barrel story. I'm supposed to be working, giggling into my sleeve is a dead giveaway that I'm not.

 

[661-Pete]

Anyone have a recipe for these Jerusalem artichokes?

They're pretty good, peeled, sliced, and incorporated in a stir-fry. Not sure if you need to parboil them, I think not. But I'll ask the missus.

Well, I did warn you!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Fantastic emoticon there Pete!

 

[Maverick Goose]

+1

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I was just at the toilet there and suddenly remembered something that happened this morning.
Now, as I've said earlier in this thread, I have half my bowel missing, so I have a Stoma bag instead. Well, on waking up this morning, the bag was full of the proverbial and lots of wind. This meant it was like a Zeppelin and would need emptied ASAP.

So off I go to the toilet and go to open it, but for some strange reason, I thought it was much more solid than it actually was. Unfortunatelly, I inadvertantly must have pressed it as the next thing I knew, there was a massive JET of sh*t flying into the air and landing over myself and the floor. It went EVERYWHERE!


Luckily the floor was tiled.

 

[vernon]

I feel somewhat disappointed that the degree of flatulence that materialised after consuming copious amounts of carrot and jerusalem artichoke soup at lunchtime was much less than anticipated.

I must have acquired the ability to digest the inulin in the tubers that causes the flatulence.

 

[Bayerd]

On more than one occasion I've stood behind a row of boys in the classroom and dropped an SBD, retreated and watched the ensuing accusations, denials and physical violence.

Thanks for the recipe Vern, I'll let you know how it goes!

Are you a teacher as well, Mickle?

As they say, farts are just like kids. You only love your own......

I love farting threads, gives me an excuse to post this link-


View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opDxX2TuXOs

 

[661-Pete]

Fantastic emoticon there Pete!

Google is your friend!