Has anybody had a finger in their bum recently?

Discussion in 'Training, Fitness and Health' started by slowmotion, 5 Aug 2018.

  1. slowmotion

    slowmotion Quite dreadful

    Location:
    lost somewhere
    I'm just asking. I have, and it wasn't recreational. Medical peeps do this as routine practice, and I was on the sharp end. OK ,OK, a lot of female posters may say that a whole tribe of medics live in their reproductive organs, men are pathetic etc etc, but I'm interested in what men might say.
     
    Last edited: 5 Aug 2018
  2. pauldavid

    pauldavid Veteran

    Are you only interested in finger stories?


    Asking for a friend
     
  3. burntoutbanger

    burntoutbanger Senior Member

    Location:
    Devon
    Only my own, won't be buying that tissue paper again....
     
  4. OP
    OP
    slowmotion

    slowmotion Quite dreadful

    Location:
    lost somewhere
    Judging by the GP's attempts to investigate with a delicate finger, I think that I might not be quite ready for more robust tools.
     
  5. Drago

    Drago Guru

    Location:
    Poshamptonshire.
    Twice, and an attractive lady doctor each time. I can't say I was thrilled, but some gents pay good money for that sort of jolly.

    Havenyou been falling down the stairs naked while greasing aubergines again?
     
  6. How recent ?
    8 months ago and it picked up that I had prostate cancer despite having a normal PSA result.
     
  7. OP
    OP
    slowmotion

    slowmotion Quite dreadful

    Location:
    lost somewhere
    About two weeks ago. My PSA was entirely normal but I have five friends with prostate cancer, and I was worried. I expected my familiar male doctor. I presented myself with a squeaky clean rectum (how do you do that????) only to find that there was a tiny female locum. It went ahead, despite a brief moment when I thought I could run for the door. She wasn't that gentle actually.
     
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  8. OP
    OP
    slowmotion

    slowmotion Quite dreadful

    Location:
    lost somewhere
    Anybody got any clues about how to clean your botty prior to this stuff? It would be polite to do so, don't you think?
     
    kevin_cambs_uk likes this.
  9. Dave7

    Dave7 Guru

    Location:
    Cheshire
    Few years ago.......and it was a female GP. Took me by surprise as I expected my 'problem' to be treated by prescription.
    I well remember the feeling of dread as she put the plastic glove on.
    I also remember her saying "now you must relax otherwise it may hurt" and me thinking...... how the hell am I supposed to relax while you shove your fingers up my bum :wacko:.
    Whatever she did up there cured the problem (something was apparently twisted).
    I said to her "now I found that very uncomfortable so have no idea how people can do it for pleasure" but.....thats probably not a subject for CC:blush:
     
  10. Sharky

    Sharky Veteran

    Location:
    Kent
    I have and also investigations on the other side - a cystoscopy. Now that's an experience.
    Glad to say that I am all clear, but on a 9 month watch, so one more to endure.
     
    slowmotion, Illaveago and Drago like this.
  11. screenman

    screenman Legendary Member

    Plenty of people my wife works on have not washed since the last visit, she is a podiatrist. Not quite as bad as your scenario I guess.
     
    slowmotion and Illaveago like this.
  12. screenman

    screenman Legendary Member

    25 years ago by a doctor with hands the size of a bunch of bananas, made my eyes water that day.
     
  13. Drago

    Drago Guru

    Location:
    Poshamptonshire.
    That was a bunch of bananas, and that wasn't a doctor! :laugh:
     
    Kernow_T, Diogenes, tyred and 10 others like this.
  14. Slick

    Slick Veteran

    A few times now by a variety of males and females and I've yet to work out which is worse.

    The pressure test round the front was no cake walk either or the BBC camera they put down there every 3 months or so. :eek:
     
  15. Reiver

    Reiver Legendary Member

    Only happened to me the once - it was when I had my back injury and I think part of the assessment is a test for something known as cauda equina syndrome which involves checking for numbness in that area. Anyways, there I was with a doctor and nurse, I was told to roll over onto my side and she said what she was going to do, I felt something get inserted then she said "could you grip my finger" at which I had some sort of brain storm thinking 'is this going to hurt and gripping fingers is like a modern version of biting on leather' I think at first I just kept saying "WHAT" and she just kept saying in a more and more impatient manner "could you please just grip my finger" At which point I reached behind me (expecting a finger to get a hold of) and said "OK then what are you going to do". She then snapped at me "No, with your bottom" - it suddenly dawned on me what was happening and I all clenched up, at which she said "THANK YOU" I then said something like I thought that was a stick, at which she just glared at me as if I was some sort of imbecile.
     
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