Have you ever been an "expert"?

[User]

 

[Dave5N]

I was once the world's leading expert on a particular subject.

I was also the only person in the world to be conducting any research on it.

 

[rich p]

i heard another expert last night on R4 that it wasn't just a plain accident. Worked well on radio!

 

[Dave5N]

I do like it when you get a proper down-to-earth explanation!

 

[Blue]

I was once an expert witness in a Court case.

However, the subject of the case was tedious in the extreme so I won't bore you with any details.

 

[papercorn2000]

I've been an "expert" on cycling for Radio Cymru. I think I was the only Welsh speaker they could find who knew one end of a bike from the other!

 

[bonj2]

I am, and always have been, an expert.

 

[Globalti]

I once asked directions to a climbing quarry from the tenant of the cafe in Downham, near Clitheroe. Lancs cyclists will know of this miserable man. He grudgingly gave directions but twice added "it's for expert climbers only". I so wanted to tell him I was indeed an "expert" climber but it would have been wasted on the old tosser.

 

[dangerousjules]

i'm an expert in blag and deception...all relative to my porn stash!

 

[Flying_Monkey]

I am apparently 'one of the world's leading experts on the social consequences of surveillance'...

 

[gbb]

I found myself going to Spain to 'assist' them with the setup of Spanish manufactured machines...there was a particular aspect they couldnt solve.

Huh ....these guys have been running them since time in memorial, and i'm going to solve their problems !!!! Its like selling ice to eskimoes

As it was, problems solved in a matter of hours, and i got a free weekend in Castellon...just wished i'd got hold of a bike and rode into the mountains instead of driving there..

 

[Jaded]

I'm an expert in the product that I sell. There's only two of us in the world.

 

[barq]

I had Elle magazine approach me a while back about something I (and pretty much only I) research. However they'd already got a story in mind and I didn't have any data to support it. So they got another rent-a-quote psychologist instead*.

Needless bitchiness aside I'm amazed by how far certain experts are prepared to stray from their actual sphere of expertise. Specifically they start spouting common-sense platitudes which sound like the ought to be true (but aren't necessarily).

[* She wasn't too bad actually, and I respect some of her other work.]

 

[papercorn2000]

I'm a Road Safety Expert.

No, I am a road safety expert!

 

[Kirstie]

I am apparently 'one of the world's leading experts on the social consequences of surveillance'...

Ha ha so am I, according to one newspaper article...in fact the same newspaper article in which they described you in the same terms. We appeared in the same sentence IIRC...