Have you ever....?

[PeteXXX]

Have you ever, on a ride, stopped to answer the call of nature on a deserted trail alongside a lake miles from anywhere, only to discover that, on the opposite bank, 10 yards away, was a particularly well disguised bird-hide with several bird-watchers/twitchers/birders, complete with binoculars and monoculars, searching for a Collared Flycatcher only to be presented with a Little Bustard on a bike?

 

[Smokin Joe]

If there is a persistent heavy knocking on your front door at 5am tomorrow you'd better answer it before they batter it down.

 

[biggs682]

Just do what the pro's do wee and ride

 

[Welsh wheels]

No but I was once doing my business on a narrow deserted trail, when two horses complete with riders came galloping around the corner, sending me diving for cover to avoid being trampled on whilst trying to cover up at the same time.

 

[Dirk]

I used to do a lot of backpacking and wild pitching with my wife.
We could be in the middle of nowhere, not having seen another soul for ages, and you could almost guarantee that the moment she dropped her kecks to have a wee.... the bloody Ramblers Association would turn up!
It happened so often that it's become a standing joke in our house.

 

[Levo-Lon]

As long as your far enough from home a little willy waving is fine hun...lol

 

[PaulB]

Talking of which, has anyone answered the call of nature while ON the bike or more to the point, CAN you do it while riding the bike?

I'm asking this because on one occasion, it was absolutely lashing down with rain and getting colder and colder and I was a long way from home. I was busting for a wee-wee (see, I refrained from using the word piss there!) but knew if I stopped, I'd get colder, lose momentum and be out in the cold for longer so I thought, I'll just let go now. It was against my usual principles but hey, the pros do it and in this teaming rain, I was soaked to the skin anyway and it would be diluted by the amount pouring from the sky. It would also give me some temporary warmth in that region. Once I'd convinced myself, I decided to open my bladder.....but nothing happened. Despite 'relaxing' as much as I could, I simply couldn't actually let go while I was still riding! Nothing would work no matter what I tried or how hard I pressed down on my full bladder.

Anyone else ever experience that?

 

[Dirk]

Talking of which, has anyone answered the call of nature while ON the bike or more to the point, CAN you do it while riding the bike?

I started the 1994 Sidecar TT race in the Isle of Man having thought I would be OK, having been to the bog before we lined up on Glencrutchery Road.
Going through Ramsey on the 3 rd lap I realised I needed a wee as it was starting to nag. I thought I would hold out over the Mountain back to the finish. I was wrong!
At Creg ny Baa I couldn't hold out any longer and emptied my bladder all the way down to Hillberry. I don't think my passenger was best pleased. 
Mind you, I think the TT replica trophy he got made up for it.
Would this be a contender for the world's fastest pee?

 

[Smokin Joe]

Would this be a contender for the world's fastest pee?

Nowhere near, I once had a slash in a Boeing 737.

Mind you, wasn't James Witham famous for having a dump during a GP?

 

[Dave 123]

I used to do a lot of backpacking and wild pitching with my wife.
We could be in the middle of nowhere, not having seen another soul for ages, and you could almost guarantee that the moment she dropped her kecks to have a wee.... the bloody Ramblers Association would turn up!
It happened so often that it's become a standing joke in our house.

Shouldn't that be a crouching joke?

 

[PeteXXX]

Talking of which, has anyone answered the call of nature while ON the bike or more to the point, CAN you do it while riding the bike?

I'm asking this because on one occasion, it was absolutely lashing down with rain and getting colder and colder and I was a long way from home. I was busting for a wee-wee (see, I refrained from using the word piss there!) but knew if I stopped, I'd get colder, lose momentum and be out in the cold for longer so I thought, I'll just let go now. It was against my usual principles but hey, the pros do it and in this teaming rain, I was soaked to the skin anyway and it would be diluted by the amount pouring from the sky. It would also give me some temporary warmth in that region. Once I'd convinced myself, I decided to open my bladder.....but nothing happened. Despite 'relaxing' as much as I could, I simply couldn't actually let go while I was still riding! Nothing would work no matter what I tried or how hard I pressed down on my full bladder.

Anyone else ever experience that?

Mucho kudos if you managed it whilst riding a fixie

 

[Dirk]

Mind you, wasn't James Witham famous for having a dump during a GP?

That was at a British championship round at Mallory Park.

 

[Crackle]

None of you been caving in a wetsuit then?

 

[Oldbloke]

None of you been caving in a wetsuit then?

In my windsurfing days it was standard practice on a cold day to warm up using "natural resources"

 

[Brains]

Driving in an expedition vehicle with 15 people on board through the Atacama desert a decade of so ago, we were following a route across the flat desert marked by oil drum every half mile or so, we had not see another vehicle or any sign of life for most of the day.
Tiime for a loo break, so we stop the vehicle, the only 'cover' is the vehicle it's self, so boys to the right, girls to the left.
Just at the point where half a dozen girls are presenting bums to the sky a couple of trucks appear over the rise and blast past at 40mph with full horns going.
I'm sure, when they told the story in the truck stops of South America no one would have believed them

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