My 'caving experience' was in a boilersuit, with access to the cave via a dunk under a sheep p*ss filled dip.
Any addition I might have made would have been futile & pointless
Have you ever....?
- Thread starter PeteXXX
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Any addition I might have made would have been futile & pointless
A pal of mine was out running early one morning in the suburbs of Glasgow. Needed to go for a “number 2”. Kept running, hoping that he would find a cafe, public toilet, council building - anything - but everywhere was closed. Eventually, running through an industrial area, he couldn’t wait any longer. Looked around - the place was deserted. No pedestrians, no vehicles. Backed into some bushes, dropped his shorts, and did what was necessary.
As he pulled up his shorts, he heard a noise behind him. Looked round, and there was a train, packed full of commuters, stopped at a red light....
As he pulled up his shorts, he heard a noise behind him. Looked round, and there was a train, packed full of commuters, stopped at a red light....
Slick
Guru
The exact opposite of that but just as embarrassing happened to me a few years back. I was working in the middle of nowhere, working on the surgeon who did George Best operation new country hunting lodge. We had the usual mug of tea before starting then went for a run off in a bush. I got the fright of my life when I finished, and a female stood up in full camouflage and extremely large rifle and asked where all the deer were. Her husband was over the other side of the hill and stood up at the same time. I thought I was in a scene from Red Dawn. At least she waited until I was finished before showing herself.
captain nemo1701
Space cadet. Deck 42 Main Engineering.
- Location
- Bristol
I suffer from 'freak random synchronicity' a condition by which when answering the call of nature (at my age, more like a scream), you choose the most hidden out of the way place possible, only to find that by pure random billion-to-one chance, your fellow humans need to be in the same place as you, right there, right at that moment
. I once stopped behind a dry stone wall half way up Cheddar Gorge for a jimmy riddle when - out of nowhere- the proverbial 'bloke with dog' appeared. I swear it's teleportation. Honestly, Brian Cox & Stephen Hawking need to do some research on this annoying phenomena.
. I once stopped behind a dry stone wall half way up Cheddar Gorge for a jimmy riddle when - out of nowhere- the proverbial 'bloke with dog' appeared. I swear it's teleportation. Honestly, Brian Cox & Stephen Hawking need to do some research on this annoying phenomena.
captain nemo1701
Space cadet. Deck 42 Main Engineering.
- Location
- Bristol
It also happens when I fart. I let one go (usually nuclear-strength) and some one walks into the room
. The 'drains are blocked' excuse only works a certain number of times.
. The 'drains are blocked' excuse only works a certain number of times.
HarryTheDog
Guru
- Location
- Basildon Essex
Reminds me when my daughter was at the National Junior TT championships, with 5 mins to go before she was to race she needed a pee and the feeling seemed to go through the other competitors, being shy she cycled back to the HQ very fast to use the facilities, another girl with 2 minutes to go jumped over a hedge, another with 30 seconds to go just stood over her bike and peed. Instead of keeping quiet about it she anounced it to everyone. When she finished she used it as a excuse for her not too stellar time.
Salar
A fish out of water
- Location
- Gorllewin Cymru
Not cycling related..............
An angling friend of mine a few years ago was fishing somewhere, complete with chest waders and couldn't control the exit of a projectile runny No2
He filled his waders nicely and was driven, stinking, not by me, to the nearest town, which happened to be Birmingham! to wander around looking for a toilet.
Another character, whom I never met but knew of, never bothered taking his waders down for a pee, he swore by filling his underpants and waders with wallpaper paste which acted as an absorbent!
And don't forget what Gary Lineker did
An angling friend of mine a few years ago was fishing somewhere, complete with chest waders and couldn't control the exit of a projectile runny No2
He filled his waders nicely and was driven, stinking, not by me, to the nearest town, which happened to be Birmingham! to wander around looking for a toilet.
Another character, whom I never met but knew of, never bothered taking his waders down for a pee, he swore by filling his underpants and waders with wallpaper paste which acted as an absorbent!
And don't forget what Gary Lineker did
captain nemo1701
Space cadet. Deck 42 Main Engineering.
- Location
- Bristol
I'm glad someone else has noticed these things about life. I thought I was going mad
. You know that moment when you go to cross a road and a split microsecond after you think about it, seemingly the entire traffic population of China suddenly has to get into the same junction...simultaneously. This 'instantaneous causality' effect, whereby car molecules are suddenly called into existance wherever I happen to be, is something that Dougals Adams would have probably written about.
It reminds me of that wonderful One Foot in the Grave episode where a car -sick Victor vomits behind a hedge in the countryside, unaware that there's a school art class present who draw a stick man puking when quizzed by their teacher about what they have done
.
. You know that moment when you go to cross a road and a split microsecond after you think about it, seemingly the entire traffic population of China suddenly has to get into the same junction...simultaneously. This 'instantaneous causality' effect, whereby car molecules are suddenly called into existance wherever I happen to be, is something that Dougals Adams would have probably written about.It reminds me of that wonderful One Foot in the Grave episode where a car -sick Victor vomits behind a hedge in the countryside, unaware that there's a school art class present who draw a stick man puking when quizzed by their teacher about what they have done
.
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D
Deleted member 1258
Guest
On a club ride on a remote narrow country lane I felt natures call, shouting "pit stop" I peeled of the back to water the hedge, when I'd finished I got back on my bike started to chase the pack and found that at every field gate and gap in the hedge there was at least one cyclist answering nature's call, when I got to the end of the lane and caught up with the waiting pack there was only two people there, every one else had stopped.
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slowmotion
Quite dreadful
- Location
- lost somewhere
I sailed into a tiny cove just east of St Anthony's Head, Cornwall with a friend. We dropped anchor and went ashore for a picnic. Suitably refreshed, the Cornish sunshine must have made us a bit frisky because we crawled into a cave for a while.
Years later, I discovered that the cliffs above had a large hide for bird watchers. What worries me is the depth of that cave and the sight-lines.
Years later, I discovered that the cliffs above had a large hide for bird watchers. What worries me is the depth of that cave and the sight-lines.
And what did Gary Lineker did? I forget..And don't forget what Gary Lineker did
I recall a long drive early one Sunday morning, a few years ago. My passenger needed to answer the call of nature, but everywhere was closed, and the one 24 hour garage we found had no facilities. Things were reaching the desperate stage when we saw a sign for a hotel, on the outskirts of Glasgow, so pulled off the dual carriageway.
The hotel, however, had shut down for renovations. Completely deserted.
My passenger couldn't wait any longer so she went behind a skip.
We drove onwards, and thought no more of it. Until a few days later, when there was an item on the local BBC news about some people who had been arrested in the same car park as part of a drugs operation, following long term police surveillance of the area...
The hotel, however, had shut down for renovations. Completely deserted.
My passenger couldn't wait any longer so she went behind a skip.
We drove onwards, and thought no more of it. Until a few days later, when there was an item on the local BBC news about some people who had been arrested in the same car park as part of a drugs operation, following long term police surveillance of the area...
Salty seadog
Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
Hello old boy..... @Fab Foodie . I think we're missing your delicate contribution. old bangers run....
Salty seadog
Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
didn't he lean against goalposts.
captain nemo1701
Space cadet. Deck 42 Main Engineering.
- Location
- Bristol
One of our staff was working on a railway night shift and was caught short - needed a number 2. So instead of walking about 500 yards back along the track, he went behind a nearby bush. Apparently got a messy surprise when he pulled his overalls back up and had unloaded himself into the legs. Methinks he miscalculated the 'leaning back 'angle when ejecting.
. Methinks he miscalculated the 'leaning back 'angle when ejecting.
