Help and advice needed.....

I wasn't sure if this belonged on the personal matters forum, but here goes....

I know I'm not a frequent poster, but I'm desperate for help, and I'm trusting my friends here on the forum can help me and give me advice. Drago keeps coming to mind, though I'll really appreciate advice from any other poster except him. I've been married now (she's American) for the past 30 years, and while like most relationships we've had ebbs and flows and ups and downs like carrier bags on the tide at Grimsby beach, things have been pretty OK up to now. But things took a monumental turn today.....

Since the pandemic I've been working from home, and after putting in a hard day at the stock market* I came down from the 4th floor study** to find, much to my dismay and shock, my wife watching "Love Island UK" on the 70 inch and above LED TV*** (and not even the BAFTA and Emmy award winning "Love Island, USA" either).

What do I do? I'm very afraid she might start expecting me to behave like one of the "typical English" guys on the show. She hasn't mentioned yet their accents are "cute" which is one saving grace, but I really fear it might just be a matter of time.

And please, don't say "keep your chin up", "try to be positive" or "have you tried wearing speedos and getting overly large tattoos?". The only good thing, and I mean the only good thing, is that I know I can get a good night's sleep as instead of counting sheep, I'm going to count the number of times the word "like" has come up in the show's dialog.


*I may be exaggerating and being a little economical with the truth but, hey, I thought it sounded good
**see above
***see above
 

Accy cyclist

Legendary Member
Sorry to hear that.😕 I find it slightly offensive when on the odd occasion i'm asked if i watch that shoot!! 🧐
 

DCLane

Found in the Yorkshire hills ...
I would suggest you book yourself a fake tan as soon as possible (home self-tans are available), together with wearing board shorts or preferably speedo's whenever you can in the house. Obviously posing when your US lady wife happens to be about. That should help.

Stick-on tattoo's of various kinds are also available to save on the pain.

Please don't post photos :okay:
 

Archie_tect

De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
Location
Northumberland
Given the depth of despair you must now be in, I would recommend taking stock of your situation before taking any immediate action.

The certain knowledge that Mrs Nigeyy is clearly less intelligent than you previously feared, and far less capable of rational thought, needs to be carefully weighed against the need for survival... your newly discovered feeling of superiority should be nurtured carefully.

I'd suggest leaving your copy of Cycling Weakly artfully opened on Aunty Drago's Problem Page to demonstrate that you are in tune with your wife's dilemma before pointing at the LED screen and laughing hysterically.
 

slowmotion

Quite dreadful
Location
lost somewhere
Call The Daily Mail to arrange a convenient time for their snappers to come round and take daring photos of your "beach-ready body in skimpy briefs". I'll negotiate the fee for a modest percentage.:okay:
 

MntnMan62

Über Member
Location
Northern NJ
Dude. It's out of your hands. You might as well consult a lawyer and plan for the day you will be on your own, making your own dinner, folding your own clothes and when Covid is gone and life is back to normal, you'll be asking for a table for one. Lots of people who've been in your shoes. Some of ended it all. Maybe they are the ones who are better off. Others roll with it and deal. I suggest you do the latter. I know it's hard but buck up kid. Take it on the chin and keep on swinging.
 

biggs682

Smile a mile bike provider
Location
Northamptonshire
Easy go out and buy a tacky convertible car and along with the spray tan already suggested you should be sorted .
 

Electric_Andy

Heavy Metal Fan
Location
Plymouth
We're all different and we all have our guilty pleasures. If anything I'd say it was a good thing, as the characters on that show make any man look much better in comparison
 
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