Helping an alcoholic

[gary r]

I will try and keep this brief , I have a friend who is suffering from alcohol addiction.things have taken a turn for the worse as the woman he lived with has moved out as As she can't cope any more ( his marriage failed for the same reason)I have not been able to go out with him socially for a number of years as he is horrible when he has had a drink.he just told me he is "only" drinking 3 or 4 bottles of wine a night at he moment! He is still in full time employment,but the break up of his latest relationship has hit him hard,and I can see him sinking to a new low.I've offered to accompany him to AA sessions,he said " I've been before and they are full of tramps" I told him that would be him if he doesn't sort himself out.its so sad to see a once vibrant fit person now a wreck ! His parents are elderly and struggling to help him financially and emotionally.I'm about to look up any help he can receive,but if anyone's been through this with someone the know and could give me some pointers I'd really appreciate it.evenings and weekends are really low periods for him when he has spare time,not sure he is up for rides yet but i think he needs to be kept busy

 

[albion]

When injured I found myself drinking more and more alcohol to fill a void.

Cycling has always been my escape from pressure of work.
Walking was another. If your day is active to a relaxing extreme you simply don't have time for more than a glass of wine.
FIshing, train spotting, anything can become that vital escape.

 

[dellzeqq]

I will try and keep this brief , I have a friend who is suffering from alcohol addiction.things have taken a turn for the worse as the woman he lived with has moved out as As she can't cope any more ( his marriage failed for the same reason)I have not been able to go out with him socially for a number of years as he is horrible when he has had a drink.he just told me he is "only" drinking 3 or 4 bottles of wine a night at he moment! He is still in full time employment,but the break up of his latest relationship has hit him hard,and I can see him sinking to a new low.I've offered to accompany him to AA sessions,he said " I've been before and they are full of tramps" I told him that would be him if he doesn't sort himself out.its so sad to see a once vibrant fit person now a wreck ! His parents are elderly and struggling to help him financially and emotionally.I'm about to look up any help he can receive,but if anyone's been through this with someone the know and could give me some pointers I'd really appreciate it.evenings and weekends are really low periods for him when he has spare time,not sure he is up for rides yet but i think he needs to be kept busy

why not call AA and ask for their advice?

 

[mark st1]

Unfortunately ime you cant help someone that doesn't want to be or is not ready to be helped.

 

[RedRider]

Hiya,
It sounds as tho' he's on a bit of a downward spiral. A google search with the words 'Camberley Community Drug Alcohol Team Service' comes up with a few local results to you. Maybe you could give a ring and find out what's on offer and get some advice. Perhaps these sort of services would be more attractive to your mate, AA isn't for everyone. To be honest though, unless he really wants to stop himself, it's unlikely to happen. Sometimes people need to reach rock bottom before they see a reason to change and take responsibility. I say this as someone who works with problem drug users on a daily basis. Look after yourself and good luck to you and your friend.

 

[Hellsbells2504]

It's good you want to help and support your friend. As someone who works in addictions it's my experience that as the previous person said it's all in your friends own hands. I would let him know you are there and you will help if he asks and try not to let it affect your life too much. I know that sounds hard and I don't mean it to be so. Addiction affect and hurt more than the person with the addiction. Good luck

 

[Biker Joe]

It's very difficult to get through to an alcoholic. The hardest part is trying to convince them they need help. They have become dependent on alcohol to survive. If they for one minute think that someone is trying to deprive them of this they will put up all manner of barriers.
Here are two sites that may be of some assistance to you. There may be more.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/check-the-facts/effects-on-relationships/concerned-about-someones-drinking
http://www.alcoholandfamilies.org.uk/documents/8/8.4_advice_for_others/advice_affected_others.htm

I hope you can continue to be his friend and find a way to get through to him. Don't expect an easy ride.

 

[Born2die]

In the past have had issues with addiction to alcohol its no fun at all i still struggle at times but now if I have been to the gym or swim or bike or all 3 1 dbl whisky and im out on the sofa. Its a long hard road and your friend will need to want help as when your in that addictive cycle you don't want help and you can't see a way out. I have never before told anybody what I have posted as it was my battle and sometimes still is but im in a much better place now and I really don't want to wreck all my hard work at getting fit, loosing lbs and getting to a happier place.

I was a functional alcoholic and I only drank in the evenings but I could go through a bottle plus of whisky a night.

 

[asterix]

Have worked with alcoholics on at least 3 occasions. I wonder if your friends parents are helping by "struggling to help him financially and emotionally." or simply allowing him to deny he has a problem? It sounds as if your attitude is good, at least.

 

[Hellsbells2504]

Everyone who has experience either through work or personally will know - its a very fine line between helping ( someone to stop) and enabling ( someone to carryon)

 

[gary r]

He releases he has

Have worked with alcoholics on at least 3 occasions. I wonder if your friends parents are helping by "struggling to help him financially and emotionally." or simply allowing him to deny he has a problem? It sounds as if your attitude is good, at least.

a problem now, he is talking about a 6k residential course,I dont think there will be a miracle cure,Plus I don't want his parents to blow 6k in desperation

 

[smokeysmoo]

I'm sorry to hear this Gary, and for the record I have no expertise or training in this area, however, a friends Mother suffered with alcoholism when were both in our teens.

What I would say, (and I don't mean to tell you how to suck eggs), is never under estimate an alcoholic.

For example, my friends Mum would hide her drink by decanting it into mugs, so as to appear she was simply having a brew!

All the time she was still running her own business, although things really started to slide in the end.

We even asked the lady who owned the local off licence, (and who knew my mates mum personally), not to sell her any alcohol, but I guess commerce got in the way of her doing the right thing.

This story did not end well, but I won't go into detail, and I sincerely hope you can find suitable help, and that your friend will accept that help and work towards a good outcome.

 

[Hellsbells2504]

If he is serious about stopping/reducing he doesn't need a rehab costing several thousands. Mostly that will only pay for the 'surroundings' to be different. Just an idea, maybe he has thrown this in the 'pot' knowing its 'unattainable' and so a reason he can't stop. Fact is he needs to find enough reasons to stop. It's not easy but entirely possible.

 

[slowmotion]

why not call AA and ask for their advice?

I did that 30 years ago and , although they were very friendly, I was told that the person herself had to get in touch. I don't know if that is still AA policy. Sadly, she killed herself not very long afterwards.

 

[dellzeqq]

I did that 30 years ago and , although they were very friendly, I was told that the person herself had to get in touch. I don't know if that is still AA policy. Sadly, she killed herself not very long afterwards.

That's very sad. I think they're a bit more open-minded now
http://www.addictionadvisor.co.uk/seek-help/#.UlGhjdK-pmg