How many guitar players does it take to.......

[BigonaBianchi]

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A: All of them, evidently.

Q: What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit?
A: “How do you plead? …”

Q: What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.

Q: How does a lead guitarist change a light bulb?
A: He holds it and the world revolves around him.

Q: How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
A: Nobody knows.

Q: Why was the amplifier invented?
A: So the guitarist would have a place to put his beer.

Q: What did the blues guitarist’s tombstone read?
A: “I didn’t wake up this morning.”

Q: What’s the difference between a Lead Guitarist and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 

[Biker Joe]

Excellent post.

 

[swee'pea99]

If you throw a banjo player and a banjo off the top of a tall building, which one hits the ground first?























Who cares?

 

[Cubist]

Vocalist goes backstage to find the bass player punching the drummer.
"What's going on ?" he asks
"He's detuned one of my strings" said the bassist.
"There's no need to hit him, just retune it." says the vocalist
"I would, "says the bassist, "but the bastard won't tell me which one he did"

 

[ianrauk]

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

 

[swee'pea99]

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?


















People take their shoes off before they jump up & down on a trampoline

 

[BigonaBianchi]

How can you tell the drum riser is properly level?














The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

 

[Melonfish]

how can you tell the stage is level?
the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

what's the difference between a kfc bargain bucket and a bassist?
the bargain bucket can feed a family of 4.

the singer is always late for band practice.
he has a habit of coming in whenever he wants to.

 

[jazzkat]

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
Many, one to change the bulb while the others stand around saying how they'd have done it better.

How do you make a lead guitarist turn his volume down?
Put some sheet music in front of him!

 

[DaveyM]

what should you throw a drowning lead guitarist?

his amp!

 

[Amanda P]

There was once a drummer who decided to become a guitarist. Determined to do the thing properly, he took advice from his band's guitarist, so that he wouldn't look a fool when he went to buy a guitar.

Having mugged up for weeks on what kit he'd need and memorised a list, he told the shop guy:

"I'd like a Fender Stratocaster in piano black, and a Marshall JCM1, please. And I'll want some Ernie Ball Super Slinkys, a couple of leads and some picks" he said.

"Hmm... you're a drummer, aren't you?"

"Yes..... but how did you know?" asked the crestfallen drummer.

"Well, this is a fish and chip shop".

 

[Cubist]

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

One plays three chords to thousands of people......

 

[Cubist]

Difference between an onion and a banjo?

People cry when they chop up onions

 

[vernon]

Difference between a banjo and a ukulele?

It only takes half as long to burn a ukulele.

 

[vernon]

A guitarist dies and is quite pleased to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour.
"This is Mick Ronson's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Mick Ronson!" "And this is Rory Gallagher's' room here and George Harrisons's is over there..." and the guitarist is totally in awe.

Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Hendrix here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he needed to... spend time in Pergatory. But he'll be along soon enough."

The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He's woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing - a Fender Strat with feedback and distortion - and it sounds just like Hendrix. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room was now playing... it can't be .... a near perfect rendition “Purple Haze”. The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Hendrix. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Hendrix is in the next room.

Peter pulls him to one side, and whispers into his ear, "Shhh.... don't tell anyone. That's God. He thinks he's Jimi Hendrix"