How to Shopp

[dellzeqq]

• Do not think yu can escap. It will mak matters wors.
• Be supportiv. Do not sit in chair and sa to missis ‘darling yore bum look big in that chiz’. Remember it is all the forlt of the cloths. Sa ‘darling thos trousis ar not flattering’.
• Do not sa ‘how much! Yu ar having a larff chiz chiz chiz. Yu can get that in Marx for half the prise!’
• Do not aknoledge the presents of the shop assistant with pert brests and begiling smile. This is a faytal error. All conversayshun shood be with the one yu lov.
• Do not sa ‘but you wanted a topp that gos with yor trousers, that topp does not go with yor trousers’. If yu sa that it meanz new trousers.
• Do not sa ‘that is really a teanagers topp’. Yu will die.
• Do not ask bored man with headfones for futbal skores. See 6 abuv
• Do not sa ‘perhaps u need a siz biger’. See 6 abuv.
• Do not trye to be clever. Do not say ‘it look like fo Vivyen Westwud’. Everbode kno yu are talking crapp.
• Do not sho this to missis. She will hitt yu. Ouch chiz chiz chiz.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Any fule kno this and if you dont you must be uterly wet and weedy.

Boo to shopps they ar for gurls and cissies......

 

[Speicher]

I do not like shoppsing!

I moslely yuse a mouce for shoppsing. Or forr foode it be the olde-fashuned Ye Bakery Shoppe or Greenerygrowser. Even ye milke be devilered by Milkemann in sea-thru container. Eggses are bought in Shopp that has pictur on walle of chickens in field. U tak yous own eggebocks, and put them in rePennyfarthing rebicycled eggebocks. Minding that one dose nott droppe ye eggs on floor of sayd Shopp, or one myght saye boxbocks.

 

[rikki]

Milkemann in sea-thru container

I'd like to see that. Or not.

 

[Speicher]

I myght see if I espy said Milkemann on Whendays morning, at three of the clock.

(Or I myght blame the short arm trypewriter who tryped it).

 

[willhub]

Wuts wit da chav lingo?

 

[phaedrus]

Wuts wit da chav lingo?

Nigel Molesworth, you oik!

 

[TheDoctor]

As any fule kno.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Nigel Molesworth

Hoo?

 

[Bman]

Has that forum issue re-occured!?

 

[Speicher]

Wuts wit da chav lingo?

I wus just followinge the hexample sett bye the O Pee. I dyd thinkise that he was riting the Olde Englyshe as in Myddle Englyand of the Myddel Ajes. wen peeps and Pepys dyd nott have dick shun aires.