Bird Saviour
someone just told me this, not sure if you've heard it...

Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches the doctor. "You f..king b..stard, you told my wife she has a nice fanny!"

Doctor replies, in shock, "I told her you have acute angina!"


New Member
:rofl: lol:laugh:

rich p

ridiculous old lush
Talking of extremely old jokes,:rofl:, Buggi, did you hear the one about the 4 times married woman on her latest wedding night?
She asked her 4th husband to be gentle with her as she was still a virgin.
How come?- he said
Well, the first one was a gynaecologist and he just wanted to look at it. The second one was a philosopher and he just wanted to talk about it, and the the third one was a philatelist. God, how I miss that man!

dave r

Dunking Diddy Dave Pedalling Pensioner
Paddy's wife comes home from work. All her sex toys are nailed to the wall in a line. She screams, "you F****** stupid Irish bastard, I said I wanted a dado rail!"

My wife has just told me that Gavin from Autoglass came round earlier and injected his special resin into her crack - I'm not normally suspicious, but she hasn't even got a car!

Smokin Joe

Legendary Member
Gordon Brown goes on a state visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the British Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for £5,000,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for just £100.'

The British Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Gordon shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend £5,000,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only £100? With the money you save you could help pay back some of the deficit, help pay for the Olympic Games or help the elderly'.

The British Diplomats replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'

dave r

Dunking Diddy Dave Pedalling Pensioner
User76 said:
A Ukranian, a Frenchman and a Geordie are all bragging about their sexual prowess.

The Ukranian says 'I touch my wife in her special place, she wimpers and rises 3" off the bed"

"Pah", says the Frenchman "I kiss my wife in her special place, she moans deeply and rises 10" off the bed in ecstacy"

"Wor, thats nowt", says the Geordie "I do oor lass, then I get off and wipe me cock on the curtain and she hits the f'ing roof"

:biggrin::rofl::smile::rofl: very good


Legendary Member
Paddy calls out an Ambulance for his heavily pregnant wife .

"Is she dilated paddy" asks the Paramedic .

"God she's over the moon at being pregnant "replied Paddy .
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