Just to make it seem like home, Friday joke time!

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Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

"God, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
:rolleyes: :thumbsup: :blush:


Smutmaster General
One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"

"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.

"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem working out with your girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"


nothing in moderation
i put it on br originally but i think it belongs here…

paddy and mick are both unemployed. as they wander to the dublin job centre they pass a board that says "tree fellers required, €10ph immediate start"

paddy looks upset. "what's with ye" asks mick

"well i really want that job but there's only feckin' two of us"
There's two guys whose ship has sunk - let's call them Jim and Bob - and there in a lifeboat. No one anywhere, water all around nor any drop to drink, miles from the nearest land and so on. Bob leans back against a lifejacket and a genie pops out.
"Hail" says the genie. "As we're at sea, I'm unable to grant the now - standard three wishes, but you may have one wish."
Before Bob can speak, Jim says: "I wish the sea was made of beer!" and shazam! the sea turns into beer.
There's a short silence, then Bob turns to Jim with a disgusted look on his face and says:

"Oh, nice one Jim. Now we're going to have to p1ss in the boat."
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