Kids are little S####

[661-Pete]

Not all bullies come from violent or dysfunctional homes. At my son's school, one lad with a 'reputation' came from the most respectable, middle-class Waitrose-shopping Guardian-reading family imaginable (we knew the parents and were on friendly terms). He wasn't particularly the punching-hitting sort, but he had some unpleasant traits and there was a story of him pushing another kid (not my son) under a train. Sounds more frightening than it actually was, BTW. I think it got as far as a suspension for him.

Good luck with your efforts anyway, Fossyant!

 

[Twenty Inch]

Pete I don't see how shopping in Waitrose means that your family is not dysfunctional. I went to a fee-paying public school for two years where plenty of families were Waitrose shoppers - there was more bullying, tormenting and damage done to vulnerable kids in one night there than in the subsequent three years at the local comp, where I was much happier. It was a foul place.

 

[Hacienda71]

As a school governor myself, make sure you have exhausted all the correct complaint procedures to the school. The teacher then the head and then formally approach the chair of the governing body. Avoid having a chat with the local parent governor that you know because their kid is in the same class.
Best of luck

 

[661-Pete]

Pete I don't see how shopping in Waitrose means that your family is not dysfunctional.

You're right, I was indulging in a bit of stereotyping perhaps! But we (well, my wife at least) knew the parents quite well (although see them much less often in recent years). They weren't the type to try and defend their kid whatever; indeed they were quite upset and on our side.

Unfortunately Fossyant seems to be up against a different sort of parent...

 

[vernon]

Too many heads don't want to take serious action as it admits that they have a problem. This has to go to the governors and further to the education authority.
If this pupil is still getting away with it when he gets to the end of his Primary school career he will carry it on at Secondary. He probably is also a problem out in the community.
I read Arch mention the Edlington 2. They were moved from where they lived and terrorised the community. They continued to do this in the new community. It takes a lot to unlearn behaviour that is allowed to develop when young. It has to be stopped. Ed Psych needs to be involved. Parenting skills for his family need to be looked at. Bully needs to be re-educated over his behaviour or he will become a damaged individual who will continue to damage others in his path.

It's a fee paying school if I recall. It needs the fees and might not be able to afford Ed Psych fees. The rules of engagement in fee paying schools can be very different to state schools. when dealing with problems pupils.

 

[Ghost Donkey]

Not all bullies come from violent or dysfunctional homes. At my son's school, one lad with a 'reputation' came from the most respectable, middle-class Waitrose-shopping Guardian-reading family imaginable (we knew the parents and were on friendly terms). He wasn't particularly the punching-hitting sort, but he had some unpleasant traits and there was a story of him pushing another kid (not my son) under a train. Sounds more frightening than it actually was, BTW. I think it got as far as a suspension for him.

Good luck with your efforts anyway, Fossyant!

I have a friend who used to work at a pupil referral unit in Birmingham. He always said meeting the parents of his pupils was always very interesting. The children were brought up by parents from across the board. As you would expect their were the parents who didn't give a monkeys what the kids were doing all the way over to well off parents with good jobs very repsectible etc. When you look at gated communities in the US you see the same thing. Families are judged largely on the parents' standing in society and allowed to live in these communities of like minded "upstanding citizens". Gated communities still have problems with youth crime where for whatever reason some of the parents allow/play a large part in their kids going off the rails.

I'm going off topic here. This sounds like a nightmare. My eldest has been at school for a couple of years and with my second daughter starting school in Setember it's something I'm worried about in future. You have to push the school on this and make them notice and follow the anti-bulying steps put in place. If you aren't happy with the school's response escalate the problem to the local education authority or whichever body the school answers to. Keep a record of incodents and how they were reported to the school and any responses. Anything in writing is obviously useful for somehting like this. Hopefully it won't go that far and can be stopped now.

I understand and agree with the may points regarding boxing and martial arts (I was a not too shaby thai boxer in my twenties) but at the end of the day it's unlikely there'll ever be the opportunity for a fair fight as bullies don't take the risky one on one approach. If someone's stuck in a corner it'd be great to come out fighting but against a bunch of bullies the outlok would be bleak for anyone

 

[Ste T.]

In the words of Patty and Selma " The older they get, the cuter they aint "

 

[fossyant]

Over an hour with the Head..... she took some right convincing in the end...

I have contact with the bully out of school on occasion via Scouts and mentioned I'd spend solid 48 hours with them all, but did say this particuar lad can be good and helpful, but there was a streak where he could be damn right nasty.

Didn't slag the lad off, just tried to push that they look into why he was being like he was to others, and what was triggering it. It's clear non of the teachers have these skills to do this. Our son has been on the SEN register due to this for years, why hadn't the bully ? It seems far easier for the 'victim' to be assessed, rather than tackle the problem.

Mentioned we were seriously considering moving his school - 'oh that's up to you' - eh....?

We were particularly unhappy about last weeks incident, and the fact that staff did not alert the Head, nor the fact that a 'bump to the head' was not communicated back to us (they have a letter for head injuries) - we only found out by accident in general conversation with my son later that evening ...

We finally got some actions agreed.

Head to get professional help for the Bully - i.e. get the Ed. Support Worker involved.
Son can check in with one of the lunch time assistants each day
Head will regularly review, and go down to the class.
Clothes peg will be moved well away from the other lad (my son always waits until the cloakroom has cleared before going in - hence late every night).

Both kids not to be put in the same group, not to play together etc.

We're back in two weeks to see what's being done, and at the end of the meeting, we handed the Head a letter for her to pass on to the Governors....

We'll see what happens, but it still might be easier to move school ? Mad ins't it.

 

[ramses]

Insane. Always the victim that has to suffer.

Justice? What exactly is that, these days.

 

[domd1979]

Schools are useless when it comes to dealing with bullying seriously. Mine certainly was. I had the best part of 5 years of crap from bullies and despite who knows how many meetings with various teachers, head of year and the head teacher the best part of sod all was done about it. Some choice quotes - form teacher: "oh but [culprit] is from such a nice family", well that makes him incapable of being an evil shoot then? head of year - useless wet fart, head teacher likewise "his parents will give me a hard time" - and? so what!!! Took over 2 years to get the school to shift me into a new form, which should have been done far far sooner.

Two weeks after being thumped one lunchtime by one delightful character, and the head doing nothing about it because the parents "would give him a hard time" said character whipped out an air rifle in a maths lesson and threatened the teacher with it. The kid had a history of various incidents so if the head had actually got off his backside and done something other incidents could in all probability have been prevented.

Even 15 years on all of this winds me up no end and angers me that schools still fail to do anything like as much as they should to sort problems out and instead are happy to see kids lives made an utter misery.

 

[mr_cellophane]

Too many heads don't want to take serious action as it admits that they have a problem. This has to go to the governors and further to the education authority.

Had that reaction from my daughters head. "We have an anti-bullying policy so it can't be happening"

 

[postman]

I am a person that follows the rules .And i can see that you have tried your best using that route .Your son must be living a hell .Even when he's at home something may trigger a memory or a thought of what next tomorrow at school .

For his sake please contact the Education Dept,and fill them in .If you are in a Union at work get free legal representation .And also and i mean this contact the Police .Your son is being assaulted.
People may think this is over the top .But you must use everything in your power to stop this abuse and bullying.
This lad knows no boundaries .He must be stopped for his own sake and your sons and other pupils .

This Head seems to be denying there is a problem .
So now go in hard .

 

[iAmiAdam]

I was bullied around that age, on the crap side, you don't forget it as it's formative years, but on the plus side, the none forgetting does actually force you to learn not to care what other people think of you and that no one has the right to make you feel crap again.

Hope it gets sorted out.

As postman said, if the school wont take notice, get legals/police involved, then they will take notice. And it raises the profile of bullying, it's still happening, nevermind what any school says. No school is bullying free.

 

[fossyant]

Police course of action has been mentioned to the Head, LA will be notified once the Governors respond to our lettere. The kid is 10 soon, so then is legally culpable

 

[Crankarm]

Schools are useless when it comes to dealing with bullying seriously. Mine certainly was. I had the best part of 5 years of crap from bullies and despite who knows how many meetings with various teachers, head of year and the head teacher the best part of sod all was done about it. Some choice quotes - form teacher: "oh but [culprit] is from such a nice family", well that makes him incapable of being an evil shoot then? head of year - useless wet fart, head teacher likewise "his parents will give me a hard time" - and? so what!!! Took over 2 years to get the school to shift me into a new form, which should have been done far far sooner.

Two weeks after being thumped one lunchtime by one delightful character, and the head doing nothing about it because the parents "would give him a hard time" said character whipped out an air rifle in a maths lesson and threatened the teacher with it. The kid had a history of various incidents so if the head had actually got off his backside and done something other incidents could in all probability have been prevented.

Even 15 years on all of this winds me up no end and angers me that schools still fail to do anything like as much as they should to sort problems out and instead are happy to see kids lives made an utter misery.

Freakin' hell !