Kid's do you have any?

[Rhythm Thief]

Well, in some places you can - there are certain parts of America and Japan which have 'baby boxes' in hospitals where parents who can't cope can place very young children. I don't like the idea, but I've read some strong arguments in favour too.

Blimey. I don't think even I would do that.

 

[wafflycat]

Well, in some places you can - there are certain parts of America and Japan which have 'baby boxes' in hospitals where parents who can't cope can place very young children. I don't like the idea, but I've read some strong arguments in favour too.

IIRC there's similar in Germany. The baby is cared for for a couple of months, and during that time, if the mother reclaims the baby there are no legal repercussions. If she doesn't then the baby is put up for adoption. In an ideal world, it wouldn't be needed, but as the world isn't ideal...

 

[yoyo]

We have three - 24, 23 and 21 and a bit! - two boys and a girl.

 

[Headgardener]

Since you asked, none, not even married at 48 aproaching 49. Although I am very fond of someone who has three daughters in thier early to mid twenties. Just wish I could pluck up the courage to tell Helen how I feel about her .

 

[Chuffy]

Since you asked, none, not even married at 48 aproaching 49. Although I am very fond of someone who has three daughters in thier early to mid twenties. Just wish I could pluck up the courage to tell Helen how I feel about her .

I sense a new thread and reams of quality advice from your CC Agony Aunties...

 

[col]

You only had one friend? Poor you.

I know,its sad isnt it.

 

[Crackle]

Since you asked, none, not even married at 48 aproaching 49. Although I am very fond of someone who has three daughters in thier early to mid twenties. Just wish I could pluck up the courage to tell Helen how I feel about her .

Oh man that's sad and touching and sweet all at the same time.

Why don't you. Not want to risk ruining a friendship? Imagine how you'd feel if someone else made that move, would it be any different to if you made the move and were rebuffed?

Go on, a few gentle approaches may lose you nothing but gain you lots.

 

[craigwend]

Twinset = 5 (f)
Singlet = 2 (m)

 

[Auntie Helen]

Since you asked, none, not even married at 48 aproaching 49. Although I am very fond of someone who has three daughters in thier early to mid twenties. Just wish I could pluck up the courage to tell Helen how I feel about her .

I sense a new thread and reams of quality advice from your CC Agony Aunties...

Auntie Helen to the rescue! I hope you pluck up the courage, Headgardener.

 

[ChrisKH]

Some people change when they have kids. All of a sudden it's all about the kid and they forget who their friends are. One of my friends all but abandoned any adult who wasn't directly involved in the kid's life ie god parents and birthing partner. It also completely changed her relationship with her partner and there are loads more tensions than before. It's a shame, really. She counted as one of my best friends before the kid came along and now she's a mere acquaintance. I understand that kids take up a lot of time, but I suppose I am sad that I have lost a close friend because of it. I would like to have shared more of it with her because I was a close support to her when she was trying to get pregnant and also one of the first people she told when she found out she was expecting. I would still be there for her if things went pear shaped in any way, though.

It's very difficult having children and equally difficult not having them. I had a very close friend who was adamant he wasn't going to have children and then our two turned up. On the arrival of the first one he and his wife were very welcoming. On the arrival of the second we didn't hear from them. I found out four years later that they had been trying for children for a long time and the last I heard she was on her second attempt at in vitro fertilization. Effectively my friend said that it was too difficult for them to bear watching us with our kids and we haven't seen them since. Other than offer support, which we did, there is nothing you can do to improve the situation.

 

[ChrisKH]

I daresay that there must be people who, given the option, would have preferred not to have had them. That's not to say that they don't love their kids and do their best by them, but if 'no-kids' had been an option, that's the box they would have ticked.

But saying so would be heresy.

RT - good luck.

It is very much a personal choice now. I say now, because according to both sets of our parents they had no choice over parenthood when they were first married. I won't tell you what my response was. I suspect that peer pressure then was much greater and the expectation was that once married you would produce. This was late fifties/early sixties so I suspect that contraception was limited and in that respect it must have been harder.

 

[spandex]

It's very difficult having children and equally difficult not having them. I had a very close friend who was adamant he wasn't going to have children and then our two turned up. On the arrival of the first one he and his wife were very welcoming. On the arrival of the second we didn't hear from them. I found out four years later that they had been trying for children for a long time and the last I heard she was on her second attempt at in vitro fertilization. Effectively my friend said that it was too difficult for them to bear watching us with our kids and we haven't seen them since. Other than offer support, which we did, there is nothing you can do to improve the situation.

That is hard!. On them and you both as they where/still are friends I know about that 1st hand as my ex wife could not have kids and that is one of the things she needed most is a kid of her own but could not have. Then seeing me with mine at the weekends and having them stay over was very very hard for her. Some times I found her in tears when I got back from dropping them off.

 

[Maz]

I used to live in a community in Tokyo where there were several kids. We all took part in looking after some of them at different times. Their parents didn't isolate themselves and the children were part of the community. Where I grew up in Norway, kids were also seen as being more everybody's business. We have, in Britain today, a very possessive attitude to children at the same time as not liking other people's very much. I am not sure entirely why this is, but much as individal parents love their kids and do their best for them, we could do with a more communal attitude to children (and indeed to a lot of things).

It's interesting you should say that. It may well be a cultural thing - it's not unusual for me to get home in the evening to find that there are 7 or 8 kids in the house (only 3 of them are mine!). The rest will be neighbours/friends kids who we are looking after while their mums/parents have a meeting/unexpected/appointment etc or maybe a couple of the mums and their little'uns just fancied visiting my wife and kids instead of being on their own. If needs be, we'll feed and water 'em too. No biggy. They do likewise for our kids. It's very communal.

 

[4F]

It's very difficult having children and equally difficult not having them. I had a very close friend who was adamant he wasn't going to have children and then our two turned up. On the arrival of the first one he and his wife were very welcoming. On the arrival of the second we didn't hear from them. I found out four years later that they had been trying for children for a long time and the last I heard she was on her second attempt at in vitro fertilization. Effectively my friend said that it was too difficult for them to bear watching us with our kids and we haven't seen them since. Other than offer support, which we did, there is nothing you can do to improve the situation.

I have had a very similiar experience with my step sister. She had been trying for some years and within 18 months we had 2. The relationship has never been the same since and I rarely see her or speak to her although she lives less than 2 miles away. I don't suppose it is helped by the fact she married a horses arse either.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Some people change when they have kids. All of a sudden it's all about the kid and they forget who their friends are. One of my friends all but abandoned any adult who wasn't directly involved in the kid's life ie god parents and birthing partner.

It can work both ways, we had children when I was in my twenties and most of my friends didn't have children. They found it difficult to understand that we could not join their carefree lifestyle and were bogged down with nappies and complex logistics to do even simple things.