Kid's do you have any?

[John Ponting]

I've just spotted this thread; polled 1 only but she was 32 last month - does this count ?

She has now provided 3 grandsons for me to play with. Aged 6 - 12, 1 likes taking grandad for bike rides, 2 like having grandad watch them play for their football teams. All like grandad spending money on them. Whoops, almost forgot Nanny!

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

Children are the best gift God's as yet bestowed upon us. The blessing they give us is something we can never pay back. I don't have any now but I am eagerly anticipating grandfatherhood. I think anyone who's written they are glad to not have any is probably not worth getting to know since any communication with such a person would not be fullfilling.

Yes. I agree completely with you. Well, except for the part where you talk absolute sh*te...

I know when I was younger I was glad I didn't have kids - I didn't have the the income to support children, and was happy with my life at that point.

I've always wanted children, but at *that* point I was glad I didn't have any... so was I not worth communicating with back then? Oh dear, silly me for liking my life at a point in time before I had my little Angels.

Me thinks you either need to retract that statement, or qualify it somehow (no idea how though!) or just be content in the knowledge that you are a bit of a muppet.

Just my 0.2 Euros worth.

 

[summerdays]

Two girls and a boy (13,11,7) and there are times that you could have them for free (not usually all at the same time). They definately interferred with the career and having that beautiful enormous house (instead of small one covered in their toys and clothes, looking a mess etc).

 

[Rhythm Thief]

I've never wanted any, to the extent where it's caused the breakup of at least one of my relationships, and I still don't (which may possibly cause problems in my present relationship, soon). I don't know why I don't want kids - I love my one year old nephew dearly - but I feel very strongly that I don't, and I always have felt this way.

 

[Crackle]

You've obviously seen me at the end of a hard week...

BTW, you and Crackle are going to have to fight it out to see who changes their avatar, I keep getting you mixed up at a glance!

I have no wish to fight Waffly as I'm a coward I have duly swapped.

Hey I just remembered. This cat was called Noodles

 

[Auntie Helen]

I've never wanted kids and always said so. People used to say "you'll change your mind when you get older" etc etc which I felt was rather patronising. Anyway I didn't change my mind, I told my husband when we first got together so he didn't waste time on me if he was desperate for kids, and I don't regret it for a moment.

Are people without kids pointless to talk to? Well I must admit that I find a lot of child-centric conversation rather boring (i.e. school stuff, nappy stuff) because it's not something I have to think about. However I think there are a number of VERY worthy childless people one might have learned a lot from - Mother Theresa springs to mind.

 

[Kirstie]

Some people change when they have kids. All of a sudden it's all about the kid and they forget who their friends are. One of my friends all but abandoned any adult who wasn't directly involved in the kid's life ie god parents and birthing partner. It also completely changed her relationship with her partner and there are loads more tensions than before. It's a shame, really. She counted as one of my best friends before the kid came along and now she's a mere acquaintance. I understand that kids take up a lot of time, but I suppose I am sad that I have lost a close friend because of it. I would like to have shared more of it with her because I was a close support to her when she was trying to get pregnant and also one of the first people she told when she found out she was expecting. I would still be there for her if things went pear shaped in any way, though.

 

[Crackle]

Some people change when they have kids. All of a sudden it's all about the kid and they forget who their friends are. One of my friends all but abandoned any adult who wasn't directly involved in the kid's life ie god parents and birthing partner. It also completely changed her relationship with her partner and there are loads more tensions than before. It's a shame, really. She counted as one of my best friends before the kid came along and now she's a mere acquaintance. I understand that kids take up a lot of time, but I suppose I am sad that I have lost a close friend because of it. I would like to have shared more of it with her because I was a close support to her when she was trying to get pregnant and also one of the first people she told when she found out she was expecting. I would still be there for her if things went pear shaped in any way, though.

It's very true they do change your life, especially in the first few years. You can't adequately explain how it happens. The best I can do is, imagine all of your life laid out neat and tidy on a carpet, everyhting in it's place. Then someone yanks the carpet and everything goes everywhere. It's all still there but it's chaotic, not in order and some things got bust. Slowly you sort it all out again but it's not the same and the broken things have been replaced by something different - That's kids

 

[wafflycat]

True, Crackle. When you've got a child you can't put yourself first anymore, you have to put the child first. That means that pre-child friendships can and often do suffer if the pre-child friend is not in the same position. It's just the way life is. The different life having a child is very different to the child-free life and at a personal level I have no regrets to the changes wrought to my life. Having a child brings about different joys, laughter, tears, experiences. And I didn't understand that properly until I had a child myself. But each to their own.

 

[Flying_Monkey]

The changes and isolationism that Kirstie describes aren't inevitable, but they are quite common in Britain. I used to live in a community in Tokyo where there were several kids. We all took part in looking after some of them at different times. Their parents didn't isolate themselves and the children were part of the community. Where I grew up in Norway, kids were also seen as being more everybody's business. We have, in Britain today, a very possessive attitude to children at the same time as not liking other people's very much. I am not sure entirely why this is, but much as individal parents love their kids and do their best for them, we could do with a more communal attitude to children (and indeed to a lot of things).

 

[Chuffy]

I daresay that there must be people who, given the option, would have preferred not to have had them. That's not to say that they don't love their kids and do their best by them, but if 'no-kids' had been an option, that's the box they would have ticked.

But saying so would be heresy.

RT - good luck.

 

[Rhythm Thief]

RT - good luck.

Thanks.

 

[wafflycat]

There's no doubt, FM, that in the UK there's a just-under-the-surface loathing/contempt for kids generally and we seem to be doing our best to criminalise teenagers when they aren't all knife-wielding, hoodie-wearing thugs by any stretch of the imagination. I think it goes back to the 'children should be seen but not heard' generation mixing with the wrap them in cotton-wool, don't expose them to any form of risk which makes for a nasty brew. Let's face it, as a society we paint all men as potential kiddie-fiddlers and women are looked down-upon as some sort of drain on society if they are full-time mums, when kids need adults around them, for support, boundaries, learning, fun... It is fairly mixed up.

And no, Chuffers, saying so would not be heresy, but once you've got kids, you can't return them to sender, so you have to make the best of it - for their sakes - as they didn't ask to be brought into the world.

 

[Flying_Monkey]

And no, Chuffers, saying so would not be heresy, but once you've got kids, you can't return them to sender, so you have to make the best of it - for their sakes - as they didn't ask to be brought into the world.

Well, in some places you can - there are certain parts of America and Japan which have 'baby boxes' in hospitals where parents who can't cope can place very young children. I don't like the idea, but I've read some strong arguments in favour too.

 

[Danny]

Some people change when they have kids. All of a sudden it's all about the kid and they forget who their friends are. One of my friends all but abandoned any adult who wasn't directly involved in the kid's life ie god parents and birthing partner. It also completely changed her relationship with her partner and there are loads more tensions than before. It's a shame, really. She counted as one of my best friends before the kid came along and now she's a mere acquaintance. I understand that kids take up a lot of time, but I suppose I am sad that I have lost a close friend because of it. I would like to have shared more of it with her because I was a close support to her when she was trying to get pregnant and also one of the first people she told when she found out she was expecting. I would still be there for her if things went pear shaped in any way, though.

I don't think this is inevitable.

I still have all the good friends I used to have before my son was born, and have also made some new ones through getting to know other people with children.

The same applies to most of the women I know.