Kids, eh?

[HelenD123]

I remember a teacher telling us when I was about 7 or 8 that if a Mars a Day really did help you work, rest and play she'd have made us eat one every day. Our first lesson in marketing.

 

[yenrod]

My 5yr old in the supermarket on seeing a 6' 2" bulking transvestite in the till queue next to ours:

<shout and point> "Dad ... why is that man dressed as a woman?"

What did you say

 

[Wheeledweenie]

Teaching is the best for stuff like this. I teach music and the best answer I've ever had for 'Is the note lower or higher?' was 'I need the toilet, but I can hold it.' I held it together until my mum (who teaches with me) tried to persuade said child that he should probably go now.

Boy: 'But it's a poo and I'll miss the whole lesson!'

Mum: 'X, the lesson's half an hour, it won't take that long,'

Boy (darkly): 'It does, sometimes it does take that long.'

At this point I was trying desperately to continue teaching and managed to hold in the giggles til mum led him out to the loo.

 

[ufkacbln]

I know the "guess what my little darling said today" thread is boring for non-parents but here's last night's gem:

10 y.o. son on seeing a condom advert: "Oooh that's disgusting, it shouldn't be allowed!"

Mum: "Er... do you know what a condom is?"

10 y.o.: "Yes, it's to help you snog...."

We had a wonderful evening watching friends cringe..... andtrying to keep a straight face

Child "Dad - what's a Condom"

Dad "Its something me wear"

Child "Are you wearing one now?"

Dad " No you only wear them at certain times"

Child " IS it like women who wear those things mum wears sometimes?"

Dad "No not quite"

Child "Can I wear one"

Dad "When you are older"

Child, after some thought " Can I wear one when I have my Birthday party?"

We had to make excuses and leave the room.......

 

[PaulB]

My youngest son was very advanced for his age in the reading department but even we hadn't realised quite how advanced until the day in the garden talking to our next door neighbour when he read out the headline of my Viz comic lying on the sunlounger. "Kylie gets her tits out...especially for you." He was about four at the time.

 

[Crash]

I have two teenage kids and whilst passed the cute age they do try it on sometimes

The other day they were watching an advert for over 40's who suffer from erectile dysfunction and turned to me and inquired if i need any help that dept.

My wife turned around , laughed and told them i could still rattle the headboard when needed.

It's surprising how quickly they left the room

 

[goo_mason]

My youngest son was very advanced for his age in the reading department but even we hadn't realised quite how advanced until the day in the garden talking to our next door neighbour when he read out the headline of my Viz comic lying on the sunlounger. "Kylie gets her tits out...especially for you." He was about four at the time.

My daughter was the same - a very good reader before she started school. When she was about 5, she managed to silence a park and have all the other parents glower at me by shouting, "Dad - it says FU*K on there !"

She was reading the graffiti scrawled on the climbing frame - and she'd NO idea it was a rude word until I told her. After that she regularly regaled me with tales of the kids in her P1 class who would stand up and tell the teacher to "eff-off !"

 

[karen.488walker]

Piano lesson for my son, teacher trying to explain dotted notes. (the dot adds half of the value of the original note) did semibreves (4+2) , minums (2+1) got to crochets.."what is 1/2 of 1 Hugh (stupid question), well what's 1/2 a pizza?
"4 slices"
good answer.

 

[surfgurl]

My husband was having an indepth conversation with the eldest son about responsibility and behaviour and said "I wish you would show me a little more respect."
Cue the wisecrack "But Dad, I am showing you as little respect as I can."

 

[buggi]

my 3 year old nephew... on witnessing an old man fall over on the bus...

[mimicing football kind of chant]... "YOU fell over, YOU fell over!"

 

[PaulB]

my 3 year old nephew... on witnessing an old man fall over on the bus...

[mimicing football kind of chant]... "YOU fell over, YOU fell over!"

Brilliant!

 

[jeltz]

When my son was a toddler we brought him his food and had forgotten his cutlery.

Indignantly he he turned to us and said where my fork'n spoon, but it didn't quite sound like that

 

[meenaghman]

My then four yr old after being to the cinema..
Childminder asked her what was the best part of going to the Cinema..
..her answer ... the cock porn.

 

[Brahan]

When I asked my 5 year old son why his 16 month old sister was crying he told me, 'Megan doesn't want to play the Hitting Megan game'.

 

[Kestevan]

My daughter (10 going on 16) took one look at me as I was heading out the door, lycra on, buff on head bandana style and said

"Dad..... you look like a gay pirate".

Sadly I was forced to agree.