Leaving Presentation

[ChrisKH]

I need to do a leaving presentation for a female member of staff this p.m. who is (eventually) going to live in Canada. As I'm completely crap at this sort of thing does anyone have any tips or advice? She likes small dogs.

 

[red_tom]

Did anyone else read the last line as 'She smells like dogs?'

 

[ChrisKH]

That as well, but I haven't got that close.

And she comes from Essex.

 

[Canrider]

Recommend she equip herself with at least a 30-06 rifle to deal with the frequent polar bears?

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

And she comes from Essex

spend twenty minutes explaining that in Canada handbags arn't for dancing around.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

I need to do a leaving presentation for a female member of staff this p.m. who is (eventually) going to live in Canada. As I'm completely crap at this sort of thing does anyone have any tips or advice? She likes small dogs.

How about those large plastic hoop earrings that are so popular in Essex?

 

[Fnaar]

Praise her work (within reason, be a little generous, forget any crap things she's done), say you're sure she'll be missed by her colleagues and friends here, have a wee joke at her expense (summat silly she may have done), wish her well for Canada, but make jokes about not being able to spell Saskatchewan, and then tell her to watch out for the Mounties. Start a round of applause, as this then takes focus off you. Encourage her to say a word or two. Clap again. Present giving. Take her to pub, get drunk, slobber over her and try to give her a snog. Possibly leave out the last few steps.

 

[starseven]

I thought , "smells of wet dogs" , weve got one like that.

Best not to say anything though, she'll be gone soon. In fact just say nice things for two minutes and wish her all the best in her adventure. Dont forget how much you are going to miss her except the smell of course.

Perhaps theres a Bear joke in this Bear Notice

 

[Aperitif]

She's leaving, it doesn't matter. If you find it really unbearable, try telling everyone you've just eaten a half-cooked satay and have to go and seek advice from a bunch of half-witted piss takers on the internet

half? Ah - quantity not quality

 

[Andy in Sig]

Get down the local dog's home with a hundred quid, buy a slack handful of small dogs and BBQ them. She should be happy as Larry if that's what she likes.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Get down the local dog's home with a hundred quid, buy a slack handful of small dogs and BBQ them. She should be happy as Larry if that's what she likes.

I hope the army turned down your application for the catering corps.

 

[SamNichols]

Get down the local dog's home with a hundred quid, buy a slack handful of small dogs and BBQ them. She should be happy as Larry if that's what she likes.

[pedantry] Wow, a local dog has its own house! [/pedantry]

Perhaps go off track and tell her that: 'Get a bum bag to keep your money in, except they call it a fanny pack. Because over there it's your arse, not your minge.' (sorry for the crudity, blame the Office!)

 

[Abitrary]

How did this go? I assume you've all been in the pub all evening getting mangered.

 

[stevenb]

Ask her to promote the essex tartan in Canada...(at the end)