Leaving Presentation

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by ChrisKH, 20 Sep 2007.

  1. ChrisKH

    ChrisKH Veteran

    I need to do a leaving presentation for a female member of staff this p.m. who is (eventually) going to live in Canada. As I'm completely crap at this sort of thing does anyone have any tips or advice? She likes small dogs.
  2. red_tom

    red_tom New Member

    East London
    Did anyone else read the last line as 'She smells like dogs?'
  3. OP

    ChrisKH Veteran

    That as well, but I haven't got that close.

    And she comes from Essex.
  4. Canrider

    Canrider Guru

    Recommend she equip herself with at least a 30-06 rifle to deal with the frequent polar bears?
  5. Bigtallfatbloke

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    spend twenty minutes explaining that in Canada handbags arn't for dancing around.
  6. Cycling Naturalist

    Cycling Naturalist Legendary Member


    How about those large plastic hoop earrings that are so popular in Essex?
  7. Fnaar

    Fnaar Smutmaster General

    Praise her work (within reason, be a little generous, forget any crap things she's done), say you're sure she'll be missed by her colleagues and friends here, have a wee joke at her expense (summat silly she may have done), wish her well for Canada, but make jokes about not being able to spell Saskatchewan, and then tell her to watch out for the Mounties. Start a round of applause, as this then takes focus off you. Encourage her to say a word or two. Clap again. Present giving. Take her to pub, get drunk, slobber over her and try to give her a snog. Possibly leave out the last few steps. :blush:
  8. starseven

    starseven Guest

    I thought , "smells of wet dogs" , weve got one like that.

    Best not to say anything though, she'll be gone soon. In fact just say nice things for two minutes and wish her all the best in her adventure. Dont forget how much you are going to miss her except the smell of course.

    Perhaps theres a Bear joke in this Bear Notice
  9. Maggot

    Maggot Guest

    She's leaving, it doesn't matter. If you find it really unbearable, try telling everyone you've just eaten a half-cooked satay and have to go and seek advice from a bunch of half-witted piss takers on the internet:biggrin:

  10. half? Ah - quantity not quality :blush:
  11. Andy in Sig

    Andy in Sig Vice President in Exile

    Get down the local dog's home with a hundred quid, buy a slack handful of small dogs and BBQ them. She should be happy as Larry if that's what she likes.
  12. Cycling Naturalist

    Cycling Naturalist Legendary Member

    I hope the army turned down your application for the catering corps. :blush:
  13. SamNichols

    SamNichols New Member

    Colne, Lancs
    [pedantry] Wow, a local dog has its own house! [/pedantry]

    Perhaps go off track and tell her that: 'Get a bum bag to keep your money in, except they call it a fanny pack. Because over there it's your arse, not your minge.' (sorry for the crudity, blame the Office!)
  14. Abitrary

    Abitrary New Member

    How did this go? I assume you've all been in the pub all evening getting mangered.
  15. stevenb

    stevenb New Member

    South Beds.
    Ask her to promote the essex tartan in Canada...(at the end)
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