Life gets in the way of cycling

[mustang1]

Lots of people, including me, say life gets in the way of cycling. Family, work, errands, house stuff, all gets in the way.

So what are we supposed to do, just not ride our bikes, get fat, get diabetes, eventually die. Maybe on the grave stone it should be written "this person should have cycled more but instead he let life get into the way".

But what if we can incorporate cycling into our lives. Years ago I started riding, it was part of my life. I used to get up early and go for a spin before work. Or I used to come home and then go for a spin. This highly annoyed my SO, but I wanted to ride, so that's what I done.

Some years went by and eventually my SO wore me down: "riding is a waste of time, doesn't bring in any money, so why do it?" she would say.

So I started bike commuting instead .this was great, I actually got twice the riding time Sono was ahppy camper. For a while. The problem is the route is always the same. I used to mix it up but had to get to work. And maybe you already know: commute riding is not the same as leisure riding.

Then I came across this post and someone mentioned what is now the title of this thread.
https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/do-you-suffer-from-lack-of-cycling.245499/

So what I want to know, and it's not just cycling, but also applies to people going to the gym, swimmers, runners, or whatever hobby you have, how do you incorppinco it into your life? The only way I know how is to just do it and if anyone has a problem with it, then so be it.

My SO recently accused me of "doing whatever the hell I like". I asked what she meant and one of the things she said was I go running on the weekends. I think she has some other issues going on and is just taking it out on me, but it seems to be a themselves amongst some people I know when I ask them "if you know you have to exercise, then why don't you?" And they always reply:

Life gets in the way.

 

[Slick]

It already is just another normal part of life for me now, even my workmates have stopped mentioning it when they have struggled with the ice but I haven't with the bike. The significant other maybe the issue but I encouraged her to get a belter of an e-bike so cycling could be something we could do together when the weather improves instead of something I just do on my own. I spent 30 years putting work first every single day, so usually when I look to get away Mrs Slick is happy I'm doing something other than working which now happens a lot more and work doesn't even make the top ten anymore. I suppose it depends exactly where you are in the life cycle with nest building and family but we all have time, it's just a simple enough task in choosing how we spend it.

 

[Andy in Germany]

Not having a car makes this less of an issue: if we need the shopping done or have to go somewhere it's usually by bike.

If I want to go on longer rides it can cause friction.

My SO recently accused me of "doing whatever the hell I like". I asked what she meant and one of the things she said was I go running on the weekends.

I have the problem more generally because I'm fairly introverted and need some 'down' time to recharge my social batteries. This meany cycling or making stuff, which is sometimes seen by the extroverts in my life as 'self indulgent'. The problem is that they can go to a party for three hours and everyone thinks they are wonderful people, but I'm self-indulgent for making things for half that time, and get accused of "Expecting people to work around you" because I don't go to parties or I leave early, for example.

I see this conflict re-emerging next year when we visit in-laws in Japan who are all extroverts, and I'm trying to organise taking a bike so I can explore a bit in the countryside around Beautiful Wife's home town, partly because I'm a bit fed up of being dragged around to the families social gatherings and partly because the towns are generally so ugly & depressing I want to get out and find some more pleasant places, and incidentally not put on weight.

As an aside, am I alone in noticing that the people who complain most when I go riding more are also the first to comment if I put on weight?

 

[MrBeanz]

I try like heck to keep it from getting in the way. Over the last 23 years I have done over 4,000 miles per year, a few 5,000 milers, a 6,000 miler and a 7300 miler. Wife has done 2,000-3,000 every year.

Life that gets in the way to me are relatives that want to abuse alcohol and drugs. 2 close relatives over the last 2 years affecting my life. Ok addiction whatever, sorry that is their problem if they choose to party and get addicted. They were warned about the dangers. They could have avoided the parties and drugs but they chose the life.

So it was a sucky 2 years but this year, I actually gave up on wasting my life on people who don't care about anyone including themselves.

But one great thing is the wife rides with me so it's a good life. Heck, I can be driving along and she will say, "there's a bike shop, let's stop and look around!".

Got to love the cycling SO!

 

[pjd57]

I found getting rid of my car helped.
My Mrs still has a car , but it's definitely hers and not ours, something I insisted on when we decided running 2 was pointless and expensive.

I still go on a " run" maybe once a week, but the bulk of the miles I do are about going somewhere for something.

 

[Paulus]

For life, read work. Once the work thing is out of the way this gives you so much more time for cycling.

 

[vickster]

Working 4 days a week and not having a family leaves plenty of time for me and for cycling, gym, socialising, holidays etc...singledom isn't all bad
... health issues are another matter and managing these does eat into time and funds

 

[Saluki]

Lots of people, including me, say life gets in the way of cycling. Family, work, errands, house stuff, all gets in the way.

My SO recently accused me of "doing whatever the hell I like". I asked what she meant and one of the things she said was I go running on the weekends. I think she has some other issues going on and is just taking it out on me, but it seems to be a themselves amongst some people I know when I ask them "if you know you have to exercise, then why don't you?" And they always reply:

Life gets in the way.

Have you asked your SO what other issues are going on? Maybe you can help. She might appreciate you asking, but be prepared for a surly ‘nothing’.

I think that it’s good for couples to have some ‘me time’. I ride, he rows. But I can understand why other halves get peeved off with our clearing off all day. Have you tried to explain that not exercising makes you cranky? (It does me and a whole host of my friends so leaping to a conclusion here).

It sounds like a relaxed conversation is required with you keeping your cool and not rising to any accusations. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[mjr]

I ride to the shops, to work and hospital appointments, to social events. For things in the local town, riding is usually no slower than driving, probably sitting in queues and then having to park further away. I've proven this a few times when meeting people who have driven from wherever I was last ("Do you want a lift? We'll give you a lift back here to your bike after." "No ta, I'd rather get home sooner after and I'm sure you'd rather not come back here" cue raised eyebrows until I'm waiting inside the next venue for them, well and truly settled in...). For things further away, I can ride to the train (bike parking still plentiful and free) or drive and park and pedal into a city. No reason not to cycle unless you want to waste time!

 

[ColinJ]

No reason not to cycle unless you want to waste time!

Colleagues used to try to hold the lift for me on the ground floor at work. I'd say "No thanks - I am in a hurry to get to the office" [on the 4th floor]. They would look at me in bewilderment as I strode past the lift doors towards the stairs. As soon as the doors closed, I'd sprint up the stairs and be sat at my desk before they arrived up there. (I'd be desperately trying to look cool, and not totally out of breath! )

 

[mjr]

Colleagues used to try to hold the lift for me on the ground floor at work. I'd say "No thanks - I am in a hurry to get to the office" [on the 4th floor]. They would look at me in bewilderment as I strode past the lift doors towards the stairs. As soon as the doors closed, I'd sprint up the stairs and be sat at my desk before they arrived up there. (I'd be desperately trying to look cool, and not totally out of breath! )

Yeah, like that, except all the inevitable bottlenecks for motorists and more direct routes for cycling means I don't have to sprint here

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Colleagues used to try to hold the lift for me on the ground floor at work. I'd say "No thanks - I am in a hurry to get to the office" [on the 4th floor]. They would look at me in bewilderment as I strode past the lift doors towards the stairs. As soon as the doors closed, I'd sprint up the stairs and be sat at my desk before they arrived up there. (I'd be desperately trying to look cool, and not totally out of breath! )

And press the call button on each floor as you sprint past.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Have you actually sat down with your partner and worked out division of labour between you.

Who does the shopping?
Who does the cleaning ?
Who does the washing?
Who does the cooking?
Who does the washing up?
Who maintains the house?

Is money tight, do you both work? Maybe there needs to be a chat about money?

Does she get time to do things she'd like to do? Does she want to do them with or without you? Does she want a night out with her mates? How much time together do you get where you can both relax?

You need to sit down and have an adult conversation about this. Cycling is important to you, but so are the other elements. So have a discussion and come to a compromise as best you can. It is sometimes joked about getting a pass to come out, but it us often the things you do when not on the bike, that means time on the bike is a non issue for your partner and often encouraged by them "Why don't you get out on the bike a couple of hours this morning?" Etc.

 

[Vantage]

My other half once accused me of loving my bike more than her. So we had a chat.
I was a cyclist long before I met her. It's what I am.
I didn't drink. I didn't smoke. I didn't do drugs. I didn't go out with friends. Other than my kids, family and her, I had my bike and that was it.
If she wanted to spend the day/weekend with me I agreed and the bike took a back seat.
If she wanted a night out with her friends I encouraged it.
To all intents and purposes, she was put first and it wasn't until I pointed this out that she realized it.
It's taken a while, but Pam has realized just how important cycling is to me and these days even pushes me out the door to ride if the lack of it is starting to strain me.
Ones happiness isn't one sided. We need to make small sacrifices in our own happiness to ensure that of others.

 

[mudsticks]

Have you actually sat down with your partner and worked out division of labour between you.

Who does the shopping?
Who does the cleaning ?
Who does the washing?
Who does the cooking?
Who does the washing up?
Who maintains the house?

Is money tight, do you both work? Maybe there needs to be a chat about money?

Does she get time to do things she'd like to do? Does she want to do them with or without you? Does she want a night out with her mates? How much time together do you get where you can both relax?

You need to sit down and have an adult conversation about this. Cycling is important to you, but so are the other elements. So have a discussion and come to a compromise as best you can. It is sometimes joked about getting a pass to come out, but it us often the things you do when not on the bike, that means time on the bike is a non issue for your partner and often encouraged by them "Why don't you get out on the bike a couple of hours this morning?" Etc.

Exactly this - I've never heard a woman, on an outdoorsy type forum talk about getting a 'pass out' as if they are some kind of unwilling hostage - rather than having entered freely into an adult relationship which has responsibilities that need sharing fairly - nor talking like a petulant child as if they're not being allowed out to play - but you hear it from guys all the time - as if they don't really want to be grown ups - or rather they want all the benefits - but none of the downsides of being part of a couple.

Which is a bit rich really - given that most of the world is still set up for the convenience of, and prioritises the needs and interests of men.

I think it massively depends on the relationship, and division of labour..

That's not just the labour, or work that results in earning money, but all the other stuff that needs doing, in making a life with someone else.

So there's house care, child and elder care, plus maintenance of other social networks, which make a life, home admin, even maintaining the primary relationship by spending quality time together - all the invisible and unaccounted for labour that traditionally has fallen to women, who have not got much credit for it ... After all its just " what they do" isnt it?

No idea about your domestic situation @mustang1 but I wonder if your SO feels, or felt resentful that she wasn't getting her fair share of 'me time' to indulge her own needs, or interests?
And perhaps feels like she is doing more than her fair share of the other stuff??

I think the introvert / extrovert thing can cause tension too.

Some of us really do need to spend a good chunk of time alone, and concentrate on solitary tasks, to feel mentally OK - in addition to the good feels we get from exercise.

That can appear a bit selfish, or antisocial to people who thrive on constant company .

As ever with relationships, its communication, give and take, maintaining boundaries, considering everyone's needs, and making sure we are being fair, to ourselves and others.

And sorting all that out is work in itself, so both sides need to be active in that.
Not just one person being the maintainer of 'relationship justice'

I think too many people look around, and try to model their relationship on 'standard procedure' what they see in films, or they learnt from their parents (for good or ill) rather than realising it's always two separate, unique, individuals, with separate needs, that should be recognised and taken into account.

So much misery, and resentment results from poor communication, and assuming things about the other person, in a relationship.

That two halves making an unhealthily co dependent unit, or "I can't live without you" romantic twaddle, has a lot to answer for imo.

Two people feeling OK about themselves anyway, and then making a fair go of sharing a companionable life together, but still having their own identity, and lives outside of the relationship ,is the way to go if you ask me.

I have managed to maintain a companionable, and hopefully mutually satisfying relationship, with my live in partner, with ups and downs of course, for 25 years this year, so somehow feel OK about dropping in my ha' pennyworth .

n.b. - I'd reiterate no assumptions being made here about your particular situation @mustang1 btw - its just something i've observed in other relationships where friction like this has arisen.