Love. Life. Cycling (and worrying family members)

[Deleted member 35268]

As a parent, who likes to cycle on the UK, the worrying is reversed - I worry that I am taking risks by cycling for pleasure.
And my parents still nag me to be safe, so I've got it both ways!

Unfortunately accidents do happen, the best you can do is to minimise the risks

• I ride with confidence, taking the space I require to be safe at all times. Keeping up a good pace helps alot.
• I don't argue or gesture at cars that have squeezed me (ever since I had a car try and reverse over me after I got annoyed because he was on his phone)
• I don't pull out onto roundabouts until there is a clear run, if there is a risk that I will be rushed & I won't be pressured to move out by the traffic behind
• I ride on familiar roads that have the least traffic, fortunately I live near open country roads.
• I try and keep my routes to left turns, counter clockwise routes - makes a hell of a difference.
• I listen out for cars behind and acknowledge their presence when possible (just a slight turn of the head can let the driver behind know you are aware of them)
• Sometimes, despite wanting a new PB on strava, I will slow up and let cars pass on narrow lanes, it's annoying and a waste of energy but is sometimes less hassle than be followed up a hill for 5 mins.

I've had a few falls and near misses myself, a few rides spoilt by horrible drivers.

Keep pedaling!

 

[Cantcatchmyoldman]

Tell them you're thinking of getting a motorbike they'll be pleading with you to stay on a pushbike

hahahahahahahah I actually bought my first motorbike in spite of my parents. They will grow out of it. Growing up is not just about the ones growing up parents must grow as well even if it takes moms 30 years. All these things come with time and vigilance. To answere you question you are most definatly NOT being selfish. If you are stuck in a routine slowly break there rules. Don't call one day. Do this more and more often until finally you don't need to call at all. This won't be easy especially on mothers they are relentless.

 

[Jody]

Both my parents and my other half tell me to be careful every time I get on my bike. Unfortunately both know me well and know that I don't mind a bit of risk. When they say "be careful" or "ride safely" I respond with "you know me" or "don't I always" and leave it at that.

 

[Licramite]

Off road is the answer, tracks trails and bridal paths, then you only have yourself to blame (unless assualted by a made horse or a rampant hawthorn tree/ bush ) Much better fun than road riding , you don't have to go extreme, its not like in the magazines were you have to learn how rock climb and fly on your bike.

and if they still worry - take a free fall parachute course. - and if you survive , just remind them every time they worry

I'm going through it as I'm about to have a heart op on a condition I have had for 30years - suddenly its as if I'm made of glass. - driving me bonkers.

 

[confusedcyclist]

Sorry to resurrect this thread, but it's ringing true for me tonight. I let my folks know today that I have ordered my first road bike. I think it's finally sinking in that this isn't just some phase I'll "grow" out of, however much they want it to be. I'm 26 by the way.

My mum in particular has been giving me grief for riding in to work on "busy" and "dangerous" roads and apparently she knows loads of people who have been killed or worse, paralysed. Funny, I don't recall her mentioning these distant relatives/friends before, or going to any funerals...!!!

This was really discouraging at first, for a while all the negativity made me feel like packing it in during, but I persevered and realised it's not as scary as all that. Sure, I do worry that I could be killed, or worse, but being an arrogant sod, I refuse to listen to nay sayers. Maybe I'm a fool, like mum says but I won't be bullied into giving up what is fast becoming my most treasured pastime! Its just odd that they don't have a problem with me visiting war torn countries, snow boarding, driving at 70 on the motorway, or climbing a ladder... ARGHH!

 

[vickster]

I've stopped telling my parents about my mishaps after the first two this year...we were talking about wills the other day and the fact I don't have one given I had a serious 'cycling accident' in February. I do need to sort a will out or my parents will inherit everything including my 3 bikes...which they'll want even less than my cat!

 

[confusedcyclist]

I've stopped telling my parents about my mishaps after the first two this year...we were talking about wills the other day and the fact I don't have one given I had a serious 'cycling accident' in February. I do need to sort a will out or my parents will inherit everything including my 3 bikes...which they'll want even less than my cat!

Yes, my dog has also been used to guilt trip me too!

 

[Mark White]

Who else has over-worrying partners/parents - how do you cope?

(Generally, rather than just in terms of cycling)

I didn't, for a long, long time. I let them control my emotions and behaviour to the point where it was unhealthy. In the end it came to a rather ugly ultimatum where they were told the truth about how I felt and that I wasn't going to do things just to keep them happy any more, and they could either accept it or no longer be a part of my life.

I'm very happy they accepted it, and though old habits have been very hard to break for them, advice is much more often given with a "I know you'll probably ignore me but..." which is quite fine by me. We have a much healthier relationship now than we ever did before, and I'm glad we achieved that before it was too late.

The process of emotional detachment is very easy for some, and very difficult for others. But it's probably something that is best gone through at some point to allow the individual to live healthily as an individual.

 

[Flying Dodo]

Sorry to resurrect this thread, but it's ringing true for me tonight. I let my folks know today that I have ordered my first road bike. I think it's finally sinking in that this isn't just some phase I'll "grow" out of, however much they want it to be. I'm 26 by the way.

My mum in particular has been giving me grief for riding in to work on "busy" and "dangerous" roads and apparently she knows loads of people who have been killed or worse, paralysed. Funny, I don't recall her mentioning these distant relatives/friends before, or going to any funerals...!!!

This was really discouraging at first, for a while all the negativity made me feel like packing it in during, but I persevered and realised it's not as scary as all that. Sure, I do worry that I could be killed, or worse, but being an arrogant sod, I refuse to listen to nay sayers. Maybe I'm a fool, like mum says but I won't be bullied into giving up what is fast becoming my most treasured pastime! Its just odd that they don't have a problem with me visiting war torn countries, snow boarding, driving at 70 on the motorway, or climbing a ladder... ARGHH!

Sadly so much of the "Cycling on roads is dangerous" attitude is just based on incorrect perception of risk. Last year I went through the Office for National Statistics data on road incidents, and more pedestrians were killed by cars driving onto the pavement, than cyclists on the road. People might have heard about a cycling incident and extrapolate that to think cycling crashes happen all the time. However, as we all know, society as a whole accepts several thousand motorists dying every year as an accepted norm (which is why the sentences for any driving convictions are so low, compared with any other crimes involving someone being killed "accidently").

As your mum isn't a cyclist, she's not able to see things from the other side unfortunately. All you can do is point out to her that the facts show that cycling isn't dangerous, coupled of course with the health benefits of a longer, healthier life.

 

[raleighnut]

I've been cycling since a child and have had my share of breaks after accidents, collarbones, ribs and strangely both little fingers. I'm out of action at the moment with a broken Femur and how did I do it, I fell over at work and landed on something solid (pallet truck) the point of impact snapped the bone. My most serious ever accident and a break that could have killed me (nick the Femoral artery and you can bleed to death in 10 mins) and I don't even have a tale of derring-do or idiotic drivers to tell. Accidents can happen anywhere and at any time and strangely most happen at home/work, not when travelling by any means.

 

[sheffgirl]

I managed to fall off again about a month ago (own fault/freak accident, luckily there were no cars immediately behind me. I ride on some badly surfaced roads, yet I managed to fall off on a recently resurfaced one!)
I mentioned it on Facebook, and my mum saw it. Not long after she offered to buy me a monthly bus ticket (I don't drive)!
I only got some bad-ish bruises from it (my legs bruise easily, I've found). It did keep me off the roads for a while; I discovered I can do most of the route on the trans pennine trail and through the woods, leaving about 2 miles on 30mph roads. As my boss (also a cyclist) said, if I fell off on the road, someone doing 60mph in a car might not be able to stop in time. A good few miles of my commute is on NSL roads normally.
It's not put me off though, and I don't think I've done badly 4 minor falls in 3 years, most of them due to poor skill and judgement on my part.

 

[BigAl68]

My mum(73) and wife worry if I say I am going out on busy roads which I try to avoid if at all possible. I will be riding from Bristol to Launceston in two weeks to support a lad from Liverpool who is doing jogle on his own for a sick little girl. I have agreed to go and buy a helmet as we will be doing lots of fairly busy roads to put their minds at rest. I know they only worry as they love me. My kids on the other hand love to say I am clumsy like a clown when I come home with another bloody knee.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

All of my family except for my husband worry about me cycling. My husband, who is also a cyclist, thankfully knows that like a boomerang, I invariable return home and more often than not in the time frame expected of me. I'm in my 40's now, but my mother still expects me to call her when I get home, when I have been over to visit them.
OK over the +25 years I have been cycle commuting I have had a couple of bad falls, but only 1 of those has every involved another vehicle and there was nothing I could have done to prevent that accident (an eye witness was an off duty police officer and I was told that there was nothing I could have done differently). I've only ever had to ring my husband once to be rescued from the side of the road (came off and hurt my hips and after getting back up and carrying on, I decided to ring home from the first phone box I came across).

@confusedcyclist what I am trying to say is that with time they will learn that cycling is not dangerous and you will arrive at your destination safely. Accidents happen, they are a part of everyday life and as I have had to repeatedly point out to people over the years, my (severe) asthma is much more likely to kill my than my cycling is. You only have to ask my husband how many times he has had to bale me out of A&E over the years as a result of an asthma attack - too many to count, (but none ironically whilst cycling) compared to how many times he has baled me out of A&E because of a cycling accident - once (a dog attack in Turkey that ended our world tour and he was bitten as well). Now if I was to count the number of times someone else in my family has had an accident whilst driving...

Don't let them get to you. if they see that you are 'wavering' they will know it is working and carry on with it. I humour my parents and take great delight in ringing them the moment I step through the door, for them to comment that I have ridden home very quickly, much faster than they were expecting etc...Just 'prepare' your defence so to speak. be informed and polite, have the stat's to hand and just accept that parents are always going to worry and let them know that you would much rather die quickly doing something you love/enjoy than any other type of death (OK I have made an assumption here, but I suspect it is a fair one! I have told my family this, it was the same with my solo mountaineering as well.)

 

[confusedcyclist]

As your mum isn't a cyclist, she's not able to see things from the other side unfortunately. All you can do is point out to her that the facts show that cycling isn't dangerous, coupled of course with the health benefits of a longer, healthier life.

There problem I find with this approach is that you can't use rational arguments against some struggling with their emotions. Much of my attempts to appease my parents has resulted in situations where I am being either emotionally manipulated, guilt tripped, tantrumed at or dragged into shouting matches. In the end, all I can do is walk away and hope they get over it. Its tough to upset the ones you love. I don't often ignore my parents, after all they have lived a long life and have learned many life lessons, but this is definitely one issue I will not back down on.

Who would have thought that the biggest challenge to getting on a bike would be parents...

 

[Piemaster]

I could see a phone tracker being a double edged sword for me, reassuring she knows where I am but in a "What the bloody hell are you doing that far away" manner.

I've tried pointing out to the worriers that persistent use of one of these

is more likely to kill you than using one of these