Management/Corporate phrases

[mangaman]

I remember one of my colleagues prone to this stuff say, "Let's do a sanity check." Actually, I didn't mind that one, because it was a way of saying let's step back a moment and consider whether what we are doing makes sense.

I would be very tempted in that situation to sit pondering for a moment and said "I've done the check and I am actually insane"

 

[monnet]

Someone did ask me to do a 'sanity check' on a report they'd written. I'd just joined a new team and it was the first time I'd heard it, given the team (in the same organisation) I'd been in before had no time for that kin of thing, I looked at the report and said, 'definitely written by a mentalist.' Went down like a sh1t sandwich, but amused some of my other new colleagues.

 

[xpc316e]

'We must inhale our own smoke on this one'

 

[jonesy]

[quote name='swee'pea99']You see? To quote The Apprentice, 'tha's wha' I'm torkin' abaht!'

(Re 'The Big Ask', the very first time I heard that was a commentator in a rugby game, and I swear to God my first thought was that that was a rather personal and unnecessary comment to be making about one of the players in the ruck.)[/QUOTE]

There was the Apprentice candidate last year who wrote on his CV that his job involved "stopping people from spunking money up the wall"... not one that has crept into wider usage!

 

[Cubist]

A recent favourite of mine is that on one email I was assured that a quick and dirty review had already been completed. Because of the entrenched issues involved it is now necessary to take a deep dive into the subject. Not only do we need to acknowledge and embed best practice, but we need to gain a thorough insight and understand people so that we can inform process and design enhanced service. After all, to embrace the hallmarks of this particular agenda, we need to engage all our stakeholders and ensure we deliver a pledge-compliant service.

I had to ring someone and ask about the deep-dive thing. He asked if I was on board, but I told him not to hold his breath.......

 

[thegrumpybiker]

I remember looking through the vacancies section once and seeing some bullshit job that required a "team player with a shirtsleeves attitude towards work". Needless to say I didn't apply for that one.

 

[BigEvo]

"Directionally correct." WTF.

 

[slowmotion]

A recent favourite of mine is that on one email I was assured that a quick and dirty review had already been completed. Because of the entrenched issues involved it is now necessary to take a deep dive into the subject. Not only do we need to acknowledge and embed best practice, but we need to gain a thorough insight and understand people so that we can inform process and design enhanced service. After all, to embrace the hallmarks of this particular agenda, we need to engage all our stakeholders and ensure we deliver a pledge-compliant service.

I had to ring someone and ask about the deep-dive thing. He asked if I was on board, but I told him not to hold his breath.......

You have been searching for a job as a public sector worker in the Guardian appointment pages perhaps......?

 

[Piemaster]

Oh yes ... with a passion.

And my number 1 hate hate hate hate, the one that makes me almost foam at the mouth with rage is "A big ask".

WTF??????!!!!! Speak ENGLISH!!! "Ask" is not a noun!!!!!!

Next time you get "A big Ask" just tell 'em it requires a pepperoni solution.

 

[slowmotion]

"Envision" ?

This usually means that the speaker is a total fantasist, a liar and a crook with a very thin grasp of reality, but a massive sense of his own ego. He will screw you.

 

[Cubist]

You have been searching for a job as a public sector worker in the Guardian appointment pages perhaps......?

No, I am the interface between the police and public services. We are bound by legislation to work alongside our partners to achieve common objectives. I got the job because I can understand what most of them are on about, and can translate it to useable options when it comes to planning. I love some of the buzzwords though, and sometimes write them down to ensure I wangle them into conversations. Recent example was a probation worker talking about a criminal who offended through reason of want, ie that he shoplifted because he was hungry, or addicted to drugs. She said " this person presents high levels of criminogenic need". I thought that was a great way of putting it. Top marks.