Management Speak

[MarquisMatsugae]

Oh another one .
"I want you to work closely with Archie the Waste Management Technician today"
In other words,Archie who empties the bins.

 

[gavgav]

Back Spikes and Catch Up plans are the favourites in my place currently. Also known as the project is failing and we have no idea how to get it back on track!

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Technical Debt = stuff that ain't ever gonna get done.

Bow Wave = stuff that we put off doing in order to do the stuff we are doing now and which probably ain't ever gonna get done but we haven't accepted that yet.

Up for this = The deployment of hope and optimism by a consultant as a management tool who refuses to recognise the impact of the bow wave on the technical debt.

 

[Flick of the Elbow]

Back Spikes and Catch Up plans are the favourites in my place currently. Also known as the project is failing and we have no idea how to get it back on track!

You mean you are reporting RAG as red with no RTG date ? (Return to Green)

 

[GrumpyGregry]

You mean you are reporting RAG as red with no RTG date ? (Return to Green)

Path to Green? RTG date? I blankly reported "None, unless senior programme management prioritise resourcing for this work stream over remediation in other environments, and the supplier, deploys more, and more competent, resources." on 1st December.

Surprised I am still in a job tbh.

 

[Globalti]

t's not quite management-speak but some airlines are just as bad - not only do they make cabin announcements in a stupid voice but they come out with baloney like "we will shortly be arriving into Manchester" and " the toilets are out of use at this time". One of the worst I've experienced was Virgin, who also gave me diarrhoea in the tummy department on a recent flight I took under duress when Lufty went on strike.

 

[david k]

We need to "touch base" .........not sure if the guy who said it to me meant we need to meet or something else

 

[youngoldbloke]

whats wrong with "off to the bog"
"loo break"
"need the loo"
"need the toilet"
"off to the bathroom"
"driving the porcelain dump truck"
etc

Rather good expression I heard on TV last week - 'call to stool'. BTW whatever happened to 'problems' ? Nowadays we almost exclusively have 'issues', and we can't do anything 'about' them, but just 'around' them.......

 

[youngoldbloke]

- summed up the situation nicely. Whenever 'cascade' was used by my 'superior' I couldn't help hearing it's alternative, 'vomit'

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Rather good expression I heard on TV last week - 'call to stool'. BTW whatever happened to 'problems' ? Nowadays we almost exclusively have 'issues', and we can't do anything 'about' them, but just 'around' them.......

We are not allowed to say problem, we must say " I have a challenge"

 

[Profpointy]

We are not allowed to say problem, we must say " I have a challenge"

A colleague once announced "we had several opportunities over the weekend". He was being ironic.

 

[Maverick Goose]

In the 90s a senior manager I had the misfortune to work with wanted to discuss the "skillset" of my assistant. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

See also 'core competencies', which may be in a 'portfolio' and be 'showcased' during some 'face time'...

 

[palinurus]

We are not allowed to say problem, we must say " I have a challenge"

Which reminds me of the great manager joke,

'Boss, I have a prob…'

- There are no problems, only opportunities

'well I have this, ah, serious drinking opportunity'

 

[Profpointy]

I did like the tale of a manager who'd just returned from a "coaching skills" course. The chap was a perfectly OK manager by all accounts but was enthused by the new way of looking at things. One of his team came in in a bit of a tizz as a completely new and urgent situtation had arisen. Boss tried his new coaching skills "well what do YOU think we might do". Underling, clearly at the end of his tether "I don't f#^÷^ng know; that's why I'm asking you!" Boss got the point and between them they sorted something out.

 

[Profpointy]

Some of the maligned terms I don't mind. My mum and Gran used to say "are you winning" so that's hardly managment speak. I rather like "singing from the same hymn sheet" as it's a nice simile for cock-up avoidance.

As an IT consultant I do find "technical debt" to be a good way of explaining why a short cut is actually more expensive and more work.

"Touch base", "reaching out" and "leverage", "face time"- no !