Management Speak

[Julia9054]

Worked for the NHS about 25 years ago in health education.
"A bottom up approach to HIV prevention" had us in stitches!

 

[Maverick Goose]

Basically, you just have to use any word as a verb that's not normally used as a verb and you're well away!

 

[Flick of the Elbow]

Boss tried his new coaching skills "well what do YOU think we might do". Underling, clearly at the end of his tether "I don't f#^÷^ng know; hat's why I'm asking you!" Boss got the point and between them they sorted something.

Thing is, in most of my experience, the 'underling' usually knows more about the situation and is better placed to identify potential solutions than the 'bosses'.

 

[flake99please]

Thing is, in most of my experience, the 'underling' usually knows more about the situation and is better placed to identify potential solutions than the 'bosses'.

As long as they're being 'pro-active' in notifying management of the solution to the situation.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

I did like the tale of a manager who'd just returned from a "coaching skills" course. The chap was a perfectly OK manager by all accounts but was enthused by the new way of looking at things. One of his team came in in a bit of a tizz as a completely new and urgent situtation had arisen. Boss tried his new coaching skills "well what do YOU think we might do". Underling, clearly at the end of his tether "I don't f#^÷^ng know; that's why I'm asking you!" Boss got the point and between them they sorted something out.

Going to a manager when you need leadership isn't always the right answer.

 

[mustang1]

My personal dislikes, re management speak, change as the speak itself changes. Stuff deleted
Deciphering the meaning takes up a fair proportion of the time, yet nothing changes.

The ambiguity is deliberate, at least from the top level, and is part of the deniability process. Further down the chain you do get stupid people mimicking in nonsensical ways.

THIS!!!

Then they ask if you read the latest memo. Grrrrr.

 

[mustang1]

I've noticed the word "pre-" creeping in slowly. Like if you ask management if the new plans are now in effect, they will say, "we are the pre new plan stage right now".

Just another way of saying "no".

 

[mustang1]

Read and weep:

"The Event-Triggered Marketing Solutions presentation will determine which one best solves a campaign management scenario while addressing the requirements of a fully detailed, event-triggered data flow."

This was an announcement from an internet company that I had some shares in (social monitoring software).
As increasingly I've been struggling to find out what they really do, I sold.

Haha they speak the same language but some other dialect.

 

[mustang1]

Unfortunately all my projects are ‘low hanging fruit’ initiated to get some ‘quick wins’ for the business and that will deliver ‘point forward’ solutions.


I was asked to 'materialize my holistic approach' yesterday and it took me a while to realize they were asking 'how much will it cost?'

Some real gems in this thread. I love you op!

 

[MossCommuter]

thanks

The first post is over six years old too!

 

[mustang1]

[QUOTE 4635946, member: 76"]I run regular induction events. I know I am a bit behind the curve with this nonsense, but I was in a meeting not long ago when someone started talking 'on-boarding' new staff, I nearly snorted my tea over the table[/QUOTE]
When they were hired, did you have to say "welcome aboard"?

 

[mustang1]

Back Spikes and Catch Up plans are the favourites in my place currently. Also known as the project is failing and we have no idea how to get it back on track!

Do they involve more people into the project so blame can be apportioned amongst more groups?

 

[Grant Fondo]

thanks

The first post is over six years old too!

Yes thankyou...i like to try and get at least one into a dull meeting just to cheer me up, particularly when 'Agenda Offenders' are guilty of going 'Off Piste'

 

[Onthedrops]

Why are top level managers known by their initials?
"We shall have to have a good tidy round guys, PCH is visiting tomorrow."

 

[gavgav]

Do they involve more people into the project so blame can be apportioned amongst more groups?

It was so understaffed at the beginning that any more people are very welcome, but it tends to be the talkers rather than the doers that they bring in!!