Missing Girl in Wales...

[mark st1]

Just don't do that for many years longer otherwise you'll have a boy who is scared of his own shadow and consequently a burden on everyone around him when older.....
Cotton wool kid, cotton wool adult.... I doubt you want Woody Allen as a son do you?

Safety is one thing, but who are you creating in your climate of fear and distrust of everyone around you?
I saw a thing on the telly recently about a family who NEVER let their kids out of their sight (within reason I mean). I felt so sorry for the kids, really, I did, especially the oldest kid who was 18 and, rather pathetically was still scared of open water amongst other things, I mean FFS, how contemptible and feeble is that? I kind of expected him to produce a comfort blanket or suck his thumb at any second.

There is control, and then there's corrosive overkill, and if I was I that situation, I'd probably move out at the first available opportunity where they couldn't control freak me!

......Actually, that's a lie, I'd be scared sh*tless of everything and everyone, so, yes, thanks a lot!


Promise me you won't let him get like that!

Lol no its not that drastic he doesnt even know im there most of the time. he plays football out the front cycles his bmx up n down the street etc etc but weather he knows it or not he is never out of my sight. I will clean the car or bike or do the front garden etc or be playing with him. I dont barracde the front door and tell him never to go out in the big bad world or anything like that. I just like to make sure he is safe like i said its just the way ive chosen to bring him up. My child = My choice

 

[Crackle]

If you go down that line of reasoning, you'd better stop putting your child in your car, taking them for a walk, or going cycling...

I think your being kind calling that reasoning.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Lol no its not that drastic he doesnt even know im there most of the time. he plays football out the front cycles his bmx up n down the street etc etc but weather he knows it or not he is never out of my sight. I will clean the car or bike or do the front garden etc or be playing with him. I dont barracde the front door and tell him never to go out in the big bad world or anything like that. I just like to make sure he is safe like i said its just the way ive chosen to bring him up. My child = My choice

It is just what you said in your original post, that's all.

 

[Davidc]

I agree with MarkF.

When my children were small they were allowed to be alone with other children for short periods by 5, and longer as they got older. some parents wouldn't allow children to do this. Their choice and I believe their children were disadvantaged by that choice. My children sometimes walked to and from school on their own from age 6, in the 1980s. Perfectly normal then. They were on their own for 10 minutes albeit with plenty of adults around.

The statistics for child abduction and harm are quite clear, as Smokin Joe has pointed out, and it's people already known who need watching. The chances of a stranger causing a problem are minute, worry about lightning strikes first. That doesn't help if it's your child who's abducted by a stranger, any more than it does if your child is hit by lightning. Life isn't entirely safe or risk free, and I'd question whether a child who doesn't have the opportunity to play out of sight of parents is going to be as good at risk and hazard assessment as one who has, so is the child who is supervised all the time really safer? I don't know and had to work from instinct like every other parent.

What I do know is that in the 1950s when I was little I played with friends, outside, including in the area behind the houses and often without direct adult supervision. It was normal and applied to almost all children. Have to admit though that perhaps that's why the numbers say children were a little less safe then than now.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I agree with MarkF. When my children were small they were allowed to be alone with other children for short periods by 5, and longer as they got older. some parents wouldn't allow children to do this. Their choice and I believe their children were disadvantaged by that choice. My children sometimes walked to and from school on their own from age 6, in the 1980s. Perfectly normal then. They were on their own for 10 minutes albeit with plenty of adults around.

The statistics for child abduction and harm are quite clear, as Smokin Joe has pointed out, and it's people already known who need watching. The chances of a stranger causing a problem are minute, worry about lightning strikes first. That doesn't help if it's your child who's abducted by a stranger, any more than it does if your child is hit by lightning. Life isn't entirely safe or risk free, and I'd question whether a child who doesn't have the opportunity to play out of sight of parents is going to be as good at risk and hazard assessment as one who has, so is the child who is supervised all the time really safer? I don't know and had to work from instinct like every other parent.

What I do know is that in the 1950s when I was little I played with friends, outside, including in the area behind the houses and often without direct adult supervision. It was normal and applied to almost all children. Have to admit though that perhaps that's why the numbers say children were a little less safe then than now.

Yes well I was also thinking that if a kid is constantly watched, then how will they ever learn how to deal with things by themselves until they are older, by which time the damage will potentially already have been done? That thing I saw where the kids had never been left alone clearly showed the kids were at a disadvantage to others who were allowed to simply be kids and develop normally. As I say, I felt so sorry for them, particularly the 18 year old.

 

[davefb]

I don't think so, because at point of charge they have to release the person on bail to appear at court, or they are remanded in custody pending court.

sorry, arrested him.... which is why theres a time limit now of friday 5pm............. I have to say, if I was him, I'd be staying in the police station..
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/oct/04/april-jones-police-mark-bridger

 

[Fnaar]

I know it's a different world, and all that, but when I was a kid (1960s), on non-school days, from the age of about 5 or 6, we roamed and roamed and roamed to our heart's content, going home only to get fed and go to bed. There were loads of kids about, adults would look out for everyone too. We went to the woods, fields, played with fireworks in November, lit fires in our 'camps' in the woods etc etc.

With my own kids, well, we used to live in a big city, now live in a small town. We moved here when the kids were aged 5 to 11ish, and since moving here, we've always been happy to let them roam. I wouldn't have been happy with this in the big city, though. But now the kids have both a sense of freedom and a sense of responsibility for themselves and their friends, I like to think. Just saying. Giving kids both freedom and responsibility can be (at risk of cliche) character-building.

 

[Vapin' Joe]

I was given the "Freedom to roam" when I was considered old enough to cross the road without the risk of killing myself.

I must have been about 23 at the time.

 

[ComedyPilot]

People seem to be mistaking the 'risk' an adult takes in letting their child play out, and the 'responsibility' of a person causing the child harm.

In an ideal world the kids can play out safely and local parents would keep an eye out. Yet there always will be an element of risk to children (however minute), but the responsiblility falls at the feet of the person causing the harm.

 

[MarkF]

When people hark back and say "It was a different world", well, was it? For children I mean. I don't know any stats but I'd be surprised if more children were abused or abducted (% population) today than in 1966 when I was 5. Of course other things have changed but I'm not sure that peoples general attitude to, and, concern for young children, has diminished at all..

I stand by my other posts, it was safe for me to play out without adult supervision and it is safe for my children too.

 

[mrandmrspoves]

How am I wrong? An abductor is always "out there", an "opportunity" is always there, however, the risk remains infinitesimal!

I'd suggest that the ratio of abducted children is very small compared to teenage deaths and inflicted injuries, the older they get the higher the risk that something may happen to your child. So, did you chaperone them till they were 20, through their riskiest years? If not why not?

I didn't say you are wrong....I said in my view you are wrong....I do not believe I have a franchise on being right.
As I have clearly stated - different parents doing what they think is right for their children.

In answer to your question did I chaperone my children until they were 20 - no I didn't because they were old enough to make their own decisions and as adults they have the right to make bad decisions. I did bring them up to make assessments of risk so if one of my sons phoned me at 2 in the morning for a lift home rather than take a risk on getting home safely with a young friend who was likely to drive like an idiot that was fine by me.
Indeed my Third son's 1st car was a Volvo ....how many 18 year olds would choose a Volvo for their 1st car? He did!

I am a risk averse person but I do not live my life in fear. I do look at situations and think what is the worst that could happen? Then I do my best to mitigate that risk.

Interesting spread of views on this......I bet if we took the do leave them alones, they would be more likely to be the don't wear a cycle helmet brigade......and people that support my view would be the do wear a helmet brigade. I wear a helmet!

 

[asterix]

We used to wander around, aged 5,6,7 in what was becoming a war zone. I remember bringing back a mortar casing (harmless) and a small artillery shell (very dodgy, my father chucked it into a pond. Although he wore civvies, he did carry a side arm sometimes). I was taken to school with an armed escort, a squaddy with a machine gun in the back of a landrover - stopped us playing truant, anyhow. Both parents saw active service in WW2 so maybe their perspective on such things was a little different . None of us were ever abducted.

 

[mangaman]

We used to wander around, aged 5,6,7 in what was becoming a war zone. I remember bringing back a mortar casing (harmless) and a small artillery shell (very dodgy, my father chucked it into a pond. Although he wore civvies, he did carry a side arm sometimes). I was taken to school with an armed escort, a squaddy with a machine gun in the back of a landrover - stopped us playing truant, anyhow. Both parents saw active service in WW2 so maybe their perspective on such things was a little different . None of us were ever abducted.

Bloody hell, where did you live?

Slough?

 

[MarkF]

In answer to your question did I chaperone my children until they were 20 - no I didn't because they were old enough to make their own decisions and as adults they have the right to make bad decisions. I did bring them up to make assessments of risk so if one of my sons phoned me at 2 in the morning for a lift home rather than take a risk on getting home safely with a young friend who was likely to drive like an idiot that was fine by me.
Indeed my Third son's 1st car was a Volvo ....how many 18 year olds would choose a Volvo for their 1st car? He did!

I am a risk averse person but I do not live my life in fear. I do look at situations and think what is the worst that could happen? Then I do my best to mitigate that risk.

Interesting spread of views on this......I bet if we took the do leave them alones, they would be more likely to be the don't wear a cycle helmet brigade......and people that support my view would be the do wear a helmet brigade. I wear a helmet!

Interesting (don't ask me to go for a drink with you) and you might be onto something, yep, me, my good lady and 3 children have never worn cycle helmets. My 18 year old son would be excommunicated if he came home with a Volvo, that is too depressing to contemplate, but happily, I reckon a Volvo fixation is unlikely for an 18 year old nightclub dancer.........

There are "What if this happens" people and "Why would this happen" people.

 

[mrandmrspoves]

Interesting (don't ask me to go for a drink with you) and you might be onto something, yep, me, my good lady and 3 children have never worn cycle helmets. My 18 year old son would be excommunicated if he came home with a Volvo, that is too depressing to contemplate, but happily, I reckon a Volvo fixation is unlikely for an 18 year old nightclub dancer.........

There are "What if this happens" people and "Why would this happen" people.

Well I was very happy that my son had chosen a Volvo....if you consider how many going lads crash within their first yes of driving who would want them driving a flimsy old Saxo or similar?
You don't need to worry about me inviting you out for a drink......I'm sure I would bore you rigid! Guessed right about the helmets though.