Morals, affairs and celibacy...

[Pat "5mph"]

...in a nutshell, a close friend of mine (no, really it's a friend!) has confided in me that he is possibly about to embark on an affair. He didn't actually call it that, and in his mind he is simply having sex with a woman who is not his wife.
His reasoning is that since his wife went through the menopause (he and she are both mid 50s and have 3 grown-up kids) she has lost interest in sex and he has been celibate for over 9 months.
The woman he's intending to bed is divorced and theoretically is not interested in a relationship either, although things involving deceit and knobs have a tendency to get messy - so to speak.
He hasn't asked for my opinion but wanted to share his dilemma.

Any thoughts?

Should I give him my opinion (which is that he has too much to lose for the sake of getting rid of the dirty water), keep my own counsel as he's a grown-up, or any other options?

Your pal's reasoning for fancying another woman is a bit iffy, from my point of view, but that's beside the point. I would not get involved too much, just listen to him when he wants to talk and keep the whole thing for yourself.
Mind that if he starts to give you a daily detailed report of the progression of the matter you will have to distance yourself or it'll drive you bonkers!
Also, do not tell his wife, if you know her. But if she ever asks, answer the truth.

 

[qwiksilver]

i feel a jermey kyle coming on!!!!!

 

[smutchin]

It's a tricky one. Sex isn't the sole basis of a loving relationship but it's normal to perceive an otherwise loving relationship without sex as somehow incomplete, and it's natural to want to satisfy your base urges...

On the other hand, maybe he should just grow the fark up and be thankful for what he has, and not risk losing it all for a few moments of carnal pleasure.

Is he a cyclist? If not, tell him to get a bike and go out and work it off with a very long bike ride. Introduce him to audax - he'll soon lose interest in sex.

d.

 

[swee'pea99]

It doesn't have to be miserable, not having sex isn't the end of affection, love and closeness. Maybe he just needs a hand.

Fnaar? Oh, Fnaaaaar...

 

[Linford]

I think he needs to see if his missus is happy with the way which that part of the relationship has gone. If she is and doesn't want to change things, then it would be only right that he clarifies that he is struggling be true to the relationship. He could consider asking if she would be willing to give HRT a try as it will likely return the sex drive, but also help to protect her from osteoporosis (especially as she has had kids).

If he goes behind her back, and the relationship doess come right again, then he will have to live with the guilt that he has lied to her.

 

[Noodley]

Could he not just crack one out? If it's just a case of the physical side, surely DIY is better than getting someone else in to do the job?

Sounds as if he's headed into something not good.

 

[roadrash]

deciet is wrong ....ask him to imagine he could no longer have sex (for whatever reason )..would he be happy for his wife to slip into bed with some-one else ,but it sounds like his mind is made up he would probably say yes just to make himself feel better .

Finish one thing before you start another

 

[threebikesmcginty]

deciet is wrong ....

It is!


sorry

 

[e-rider]

I think before he dives in head first he should try a few things:

1. Internet porn and a good fiddle - that might release some pressure!
2. Tell his wife he really needs some action.
3. Consider leaving his wife permanently - then he can shag anything that moves without hurting anyone
4. Consider the pain he will cause for wife and family if he goes through with the affair
5. Don't do it, and man up - he got married in the first place so now live with it!

 

[iLB]

It says a lot about society that he is even considering this to be an ok or even good idea.

 

[Linford]

It says a lot about society that he is even considering this to be an ok or even good idea.

I would say that it says more about his moral compass, and belief system than society as a whole.

 

[iLB]

I would say that it says more about his moral compass, and belief system than society as a whole.

It depends where you think those come from...

 

[smutchin]

It depends where you think those come from...

Given that none of the responses so far have shown approval for his intended behaviour, the answer is clearly not from internet cycling forums.

d.

 

[MossCommuter]

He's decided to have an affair and attempting to justify it to a mate with some claptrap about his wife was actually an attempt to justify his decision to himself ex post facto.

 

[Chromatic]

deciet is wrong

It is!


sorry

Post of the day TBM!