#mumbollocks

[Archie_tect]

Put gloves on when snowballing or you'll get chillblains.

I thought that was radiators?

No, that's sitting on the toilet for hours reading....

 

[Archie_tect]

Exactly.

 

[ThinAir]

If you stifle a sneeze, it'll come out as a fart...

What if you stifle a fart?

 

[Archie_tect]

You explode.

 

[ThinAir]

You explode.

Best relax then.

Apparently, you can't trust anyone with a beard. They are trying to hide something.

 

[hobbitonabike]

I constantly used to tell my eldest (boy) that if he didn't stop playing with it tgen it would drop off....the horrified look on his face never ceased to amuse me...mind you he has never stopped playing with it either, but show me a man who has!!!!!

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I thought that was radiators?

Sitting on walls gives you radiators?

 

[subaqua]

Anybody had their arm broken by a swan ?

not a swan but a goose broke my Dads friends shin when he was a kid. That would be late 40s

 

[subaqua]

I still tell my boys that they only play the music when he has run out of Ice cream.

we use "it must be somebodies birthday as they play the music when its your Birthday" thankfully we are usually away when it is their birthdays !!

 

[tyred]

It's bad luck to spill salt unless you throw it over your left shoulder.

The one time I did that, I hadn't realised my sister had walked up behind me and I had thrown salt in her face

 

[Sara_H]

Best relax then.

Apparently, you can't trust anyone with a beard. They are trying to hide something.

It's true - Peter Sutcliffe and Harold Shipman prove the point.

 

[ThinAir]

But Santa is alright....

Speaking of Santa...utter mum bollocks!

 

[ThinAir]

And what about the sandman, who comes to send you to sleep. Never seen that idiot!

 

[Maz]

"Go up to your room and don't come down until you've learnt how to act!"
I was in my room for ten hours practising..."To be or not to be, That is the question..."

 

[TonyEnjoyD]

not a swan but a goose broke my Dads friends shin when he was a kid. That would be late 40s

Didn't know that Geese lived to over 40 years!?

Swallowing chewing gum sticks to your ribs.

Also,drinking coffee before bed has NEVER kept me awake.


You can't make candles with ear wax, but if you can make a Thomas the Tank Engine picture out of belly button fluff. (Takes a while to collect enough of all the colours though!)