Musician Jokes

[Rhythm Thief]

I'll start:

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six - one to do it and five to stand around saying how much better they could have done it.

Folksingers?

Six again - one to do it and five to sing about how great the old one was.

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.


Any others, preferably not quite so old?

 

[ianrauk]

What do you call someone who hangs about with musicians?

A drummer...

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Group of people sat in a pub one night and they decide to have a sing-song. The piano is locked so one of them asks the landlord for the key, he tells them that unfortunately he's lost the key so the same guy ask if he's got a banjo. One of the other lads says to him 'you're quite a talent if you can play piano and banjo' and the guy says 'oh I don't play banjo but if he had one I could use it to smash the lock off the piano'

 

[Dan B]

How can you tell when there's a singer at the door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in

 

[palinurus]

How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb?

He holds onto the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

 

[Haitch]

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ...
The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"

 

[Kirstie]

How do you know if there's a trombonist at the door?
The doorbell's late.

 

[palinurus]

A father asked his son what he wanted for his 21st birthday, son replies "I'd like a bass guitar and an amplifier"

The father buys the gear and also books a course of 10 lessons.

The son returns from his first lesson, his father asks him how it went and the son tells him how he learned the first five notes on the E string.

After the next lesson the son reports that he was taught the first five notes on the A string.

The following week the son returns home at 2 am, reeking of beer and cigarettes, his father asks him how the lesson went.

"I couldn't make my lesson dad, I've been getting so much work"

 

[tdr1nka]

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

What is the difference between a drummer and a pair of Hush Puppies?

Hush Puppies buck up your feet!

 

[palinurus]

How do you know if the drum riser is level?

The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth

 

[palinurus]

What do an electric guitar and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

They both suck when you plug them in.

 

[ComedyPilot]

What's the difference between a tapeworm and an 'X' Factor judge/svengali?

One is a parasite that lives off other people's shoot, and the other is a long thing that is found in the intestines.

 

[palinurus]

What does a bass player use as contraception?

His personality.

 

[ArDee]

A man walking along a mountain road comes round a corner to see another guy looking off the side of the road into a ravine crying.

The first man says “what’s wrong?”

The second guy answers “A coach full of Banjo players, just went over the edge and they’ve all been killed”

The first man says “why are you crying then?”

To which the second guy answers “there was a spare seat.”

 

[killiekosmos]

What's the difference between an onion and a banjo?

















Nobody cries when they chop up a banjo