Musician Jokes

[Cascad]

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

One plays three chords to thousands of people...

 

[mikeitup]

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

One plays three chords to thousands of people...

Very good!

 

[Norm]

Me: "I went to a gig in the Far East"

Friend: "Singapore?"

Me: "Yeah, it was Coldplay."

 

[ComedyPilot]

"I took my girlfriend to a Michael Bolton concert in the Carribean"

"Jamaica?"

"No, she wanted to go!"

 

[Gerry Attrick]

Why are intervals in orchestral programs limited to twenty minutes?













So you don't have to re-train the percussionists.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?

A bull has horns at the front and an peanut at the back...

 

[swee'pea99]

Some crackrs on ths thread - thanks all! :thumbs up smiley:

 

[Rhythm Thief]

If you push a viola player and a violinist off a cliff, who hits the ground first?

The violinist, because the viola player has to stop on the way down to ask directions.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

If you throw an accordian, a banjo and some bagpipes off a cliff, which one hits the ground first?








Who cares...

 

[Hover Fly]

Just Bach from my weekly food Chopin and realised I forgot to buy the pickled Gershwins and the Satie sauce. I'm a bit dis-Concerto'd but that's just the Air head I am.

Atleast I remembered my 4-pack of Holst pils though symphony put, if I have too many Berios I end up Mahler-ed and then spend all Night on Bare Mountain needing a Liszt.

If the old Shostakovich comes in now, we'll have a right old Timpani and she'll ask what sort of a Rachmaninov are you? Pachebel your bags...

...and Foch* Orff.

*Dirk Foch, early 20th century dutch composer.

 

[Theseus]

Two dogs and a cat go to a music concert.

The cat goes up to the ticket desk and says "Meow ... one ticket please ... meow"

The first dog goes up and says "Woof ... one ... woof ... ticket ... woof ... please ... woof"

The second dog goes up and says "Woof ... one ticket please ... woof"

After handing out the tickets the cashier asks who they are and the last dog replies ...













"Woof ... I am bark, the other dog is often bark and the cat is de pussy ... woof"

 

[swee'pea99]

...and Foch* Orff.

*Dirk Foch, early 20th century dutch composer.

This brings to mind a quiet gem of my dear departed Dad's, who on hearing that a passer-by's pooch was called Amadeus after the composer, said that if you wanted to call your dog after a composer there were really only two options: Bach and Offenbach.

Edit: only after posting this did I notice Touche's above...spooky...

 

[Rhythm Thief]

I made this one up:

What do a banjo and a chainsaw have in common?

use of either requires ear defenders.

Arf arf,

 

[palinurus]

Can we have musician cartoons too?

Charlie Parker's Private Hell

 

[actonblue]

What's the difference between a female singer and an international terrorist?


You can negotiate with a terrorist.