(Non) Relationship advice

[Starchivore]

I would carry on doing what you are doing. Reply to the odd text and continue to enjoy the friendly banter at work, she will soon get the message that you want nothing more than friendship.

I agree with this.

Lots of people have said just be honest and explain it nicely.

But in reality, that isn't always the gentlest way to do things. It can make people feel very embarrassed indeed. Sometimes it's better just to ignore or give minimal responses- people usually eventually get the message.

Sound like cowardice but really you are just allowing them to work it out for themselves and avoid the awkward moment of having to be outright told that they aren't wanted in that way- which can be a bit painful.

Edit: I just read one of your later posts on here and it sounds like maybe she might not get the message from that.... I don't know....

 

[MarquisMatsugae]

Get in ,get out .
Clear your head.














(Joking)

 

[clid61]

Hmm you have your number for a reason me thinks

 

[srw]

Just be honest, say that your sorry for flirting all the time with her and leading her on a bit but you have now got cold feet because you are in a LTR and dont want to get kicked out/or whatever.

Behave like an adult? That would never do.

 

[MarquisMatsugae]

Good call Pat.
Such as, " My wife's away next weekend"
"My wife doesn't understand me"
Would that do?

Couldn't stop laughing

Dunno here, my brain must be addled by the paint fumes - I have been decorating all day - but, if I was to be approached by unwanted male attention, and if I was married or with a partner, I would just say " I am married/with partner and I love my husband/partner".
Is the need for so many words because they are "tall, blonde, easy on the eye"?
I wonder what would happen if I go all innuendo to one of my male colleagues, me being neither tall, blonde nor in the flush of youth?

But you're Italian Pat.
That swings the deal with many men

 

[JoshM]

Christ on a bike it seems like all my colleagues flirt with each other according to you lot....

Personally I don't think the op gives nearly enough information about this 'banter' for us to decide its flirting. Similarly, what's wrong with having a friendship with a colleague of the opposite sex outside of work? I'm an adult and I'll bloody well be friends with anyone I choose... I'm quite capable of maintaining a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex without trying to get her into bed. Aren't most of us?

That said, alarm bells jingle for me when the op stated he wouldn't tell the other half. If it's so innocent, and if your relationship is as good as you say it is, why wouldn't you? As others have said, it's the appearing to hide these things that cause problems.

Be kind, and be honest op and it'll all sort itself out.

 

[SteCenturion]

Tell her you prefer the same sex.

Like S&M do you mean ???






Only kidding .....

Are you married @MarkF ? Not read whole thread & might seem a daft question.

If so then you have an easy get out clause.

 

[SteCenturion]

Threesome. Obvs.

Ouch ..... but ...... Ouch !

 

[Gravity Aided]

When I was thinner, better looking, and had more hair, (because I was younger, much younger, as well,) I had the same problem, and I explained to the young lady in question that I didn't believe in workplace relationships, and was (just) married. I know I did a lot more explaining than this, and did a lot to maintain the friendship as well. That worked out well, although she was always a little sour around my wife,(who, admittedly, was younger, and better looking).

 

[SteCenturion]

I offer to make coffee to my male (and female) colleagues often.
I am a Barista

Is that the same as a Bar Steward @Pat "5mph" ?

 

[MontyVeda]

Jesus wept.

Apparently he did so I'm told.

Just checked... he definitely did.

 

[SteCenturion]

Jesus wept.

Apparently he did so I'm told.

t'was but a scratch

 

[uphillstruggler]

i think i have 'liked' more posts in this thread than any other, ever.

its great to see plenty of adult humour with a hint of sympathy. only a hint mind.

best of luck whichever piece of advice you choose to follow.

 

[ChrisV]

I think to properly judge if it was indeed flirting, we need an example of the verbal sparring. Just a snippet. Word for word.

 

[wheresthetorch]

I think to properly judge if it was indeed flirting, we need an example of the verbal sparring. Just a snippet. Word for word.

"Fancy a shag, darlin'?"