Not quite a dilemma or is it?

[vernon]

Yesterday, in an idle moment, I decided to use Google to try to find an ex-colleague who I'd lost contact with. We used to get on really well and team taught some classes which created a powerful dynamic that ex-pupils still talk about positively twenty five years later. His marriage broke up and he moved down South where he continued his teaching career. I used to see him several times a year when he travelled North to see his daughter though these visits tapered off once she reached sixteen and we lost touch with each other.

Imagine my surprise to find that the first item on the Google search results was a national newspaper's report of him being sent down for a year having been found guilty of abuse of trust through having had sex with a sixteen year old pupil. He was released from jail two or three years ago.

I have enough information to be able to contact him but I'm undecided about my next actions.

 

[Globalti]

Don't make contact. He may be trying to start afresh and may be embarrassed by your sudden appearance on the scene.

 

[biggs682]

another dont do it vote , but on the other hand he might welcome contact with an old mate

 

[Aperitif]

Rekindle? No. But if you did 'bump into' your friend I'm sure you would bring the issue to the fore fairly rapidly, and then make a judgement based on how you felt etc...not just on past memories outweighing present feelings. I have also been surprised by the imprisonment of a good friend that I used to play rugby with...similar 'field' of conviction let's say. Often I have thought how I would deal with any chance meeting, but I am not going to go looking for him - as much as my prurient side would want to ask 'why/how?' etc. My friend chose a way to act that contradicted any trust that he had developed within our 'standard, conventional' relationships in society at large - he might not be interested in ever seeing his past teammates/ friends - family even...dunno. This must have been churning through the mind machine, Vernon - let's hope you get some clarity from here...Damn it. Ruminating, I might still want to express my 'surprise' and get it off my chest (particularly given the obviously strong past 'dynamic' etc)- by writing to him perhaps and inviting a response. If you get one then take it from there..?(I don't have contact detail/history so that option is not available to me)

 

[vernon]

another dont do it vote , but on the other hand he might welcome contact with an old mate

So that's a don't know.

 

[Alex H]

I voted no and agree with Aperitif's first couple of lines. I contacted a school friend by email 30 years later and as part of his CV told me he had been in prison for a while. No details though, and it seems it wasn't that serious. Your situation is different, both being in the teaching profession and him failing in the one of the worst ways possible for a teacher. You know beforehand what he has done and I think you will both be thinking about it - does he know? - does he know I know? Could be very difficult first contact on his part, or he may not want to know at all.

 

[biggs682]

So that's a don't know.

still not sure

 

[Venod]

If he his a really good mate he may welcome the chance to discuss the situation with a trusted old friend, he & you may be embarrassed about it, but true friends will overcome this, I vote definitely.

 

[Archie_tect]

Why are you asking us Vern... you're not usually unsure about things!

 

[vernon]

Why are you asking us Vern... you're not usually unsure about things!

I'm not sure that I'm unsure....

• The crime would not have been a crime outside of the teaching profession or careers that involve being in a position of trust when working with young adults.
• The crime would not have been a crime before recent-ish legislation made it a crime.
• One has to question the motives behind a relationship between a sixteen year old and someone old enough to be her grandfather.
• I am not privy to all of the facts.
• The girl was a willing participant according to the newspaper reports - the story appeared in three national newspapers.
• I do not think that it's normal to have a relationship with a pupil or ex-pupil.
• I had a colleague who slept with two sixth formers one of whose mother came into school to demand action. None could be taken as technically, the law had not been broken, she was not a teacher and she was allowed to keep her post after promising to mend her ways. I felt that she should have been sacked and refused references.
• He has been sacked, sentenced and been banned from working in any capacity with children. He's paid the price.
• I don't know the degree of his remorse.

 

[s7ephanie]

Yesterday, in an idle moment, I decided to use Google to try to find an ex-colleague who I'd lost contact with. We used to get on really well and team taught some classes which created a powerful dynamic that ex-pupils still talk about positively twenty five years later. His marriage broke up and he moved down South where he continued his teaching career. I used to see him several times a year when he travelled North to see his daughter though these visits tapered off once she reached sixteen and we lost touch with each other.

Imagine my surprise to find that the first item on the Google search results was a national newspaper's report of him being sent down for a year having been found guilty of abuse of trust through having had sex with a sixteen year old pupil. He was released from jail two or three years ago.

I have enough information to be able to contact him but I'm undecided about my next actions.

at sixteen it is the age of consent, so why jail ? (was it only because it was a pupil) most 16 year olds know what they are doing

 

[Maz]

If you value that relationship, I say rekindle it.

 

[London Female]

at sixteen it is the age of consent, so why jail ? (was it only because it was a pupil) most 16 year olds know what they are doing

I think Vernon's post put it very clearly, he abused a position of trust. Many people would not find it acceptable for teachers to be having sex with their pupils.

 

[Milo]

at sixteen it is the age of consent, so why jail ? (was it only because it was a pupil) most 16 year olds know what they are doing

There is an abuse of trust law. It's an act that deserves punishment of some description but a custodial sentence is a waste of time and money as far as I am concerned in cases like this. There was a teacher at a school near me who got 16 months iirc for the same thing.

 

[Milo]

I would have loved to have had my trust abused by Miss Clark when I was at school tbh.