Just wander down stairs naked waving a bottle of whisky and shout 'Which one of you wants me first?' I'm sure they'll make other plans for this and every following Christmas.
You do need a wife with a sense of humour and a forgiving nature to pull this off though.
You could always plead manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibilty. Seems to be a well played card thesedays. On the positive side, if you have access to a JCB and can dig a hole deep enough, you should get away with it. Try these people. If you're quick you might catch them before they close for Christmas.
I am having similar stresses about family.
I'm only down the road from you Maggot. Shall we meet up sometime in the morning and go for a cycle? We could be out of the county in a couple of hours. I'm so glad I have to go to work this evening. The pub will be more peaceful than this house.
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