People repeating themselves.

[byegad]

My first father in law did this. I can vouch for how infuriating it can be. All the words, and actions, were identical almost like watching a film. The worst thing was that you couldn't tell him you'd heard it before as he would stop ad then go back to the beginning and tell it again! ARGHHHHHH! So all you could do was sit through it.

I hope I don't do it now I'm almost the age he was when I first met him!

 

[Fnaar]

I am aware when i'm telling a story i may have already told it. I do ask sometimes...'have i told you this before ?

You can say that again!

 

[Fnaar]

You can say that again!

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I heard that!...pardon?

 

[Baggy]

Her and grandad did a fair bit of tandemming after the war and before my dad was born, it'd be nice to hear some new stories from that period. I had a photo of them both on it and took it to work for someone to scan for me but she lost it, I hope there's another copy.

Can you photo some old pics with a digital camera and have them printed into a photo book for her?

 

[ColinJ]

I like the idea of looking at old family photos and trying to develop conversations about them. It used to work with my family. I've got some great photos of my dad during WW2 and often spoke to him about them before he died. (He tended to repeat his stories too, but it was usually possible to lead him into new ones.)

Here's an example:

"Have I told you how bad it was in the landing craft on D-Day?"

(The seas were so rough that all the men were seasick and throwing up. Despite being terrified at what was to come, tumbling about in rivers of vomit was so awful that they couldn't wait to get to the beaches, despite the murderous machine gun fire laid down by the Germans...)

"Yes, you have dad, but could you tell me about this photograph - what's this all about?"

"Well, as you know, I was in the Royal Engineers, and volunteered for Bomb Disposal. One day, we were assigned to sort out an unexploded parachute mine which the Germans had dropped on Plymouth. Well, our job was to dig down to the mine and make the area safe so the officer in command could defuse it. We dug down and secured the sides of the trench with wooden shuttering. 

While we were doing that, the officer said that he was going to the pub for a drink, and we should let him know when our work was complete. I think that he wanted to calm his nerves with a few stiff drinks!

Anyway, when we got down to it, we discovered that the mine was lying awkwardly and it was dangerous to work around it. We decided that the best thing to do was to defuse it ourselves. (We'd had the required training, but the officers liked to get the credit for defusing the bombs and stepped in at the last minute.)

So, we took the fuse plate off and saw that this one had a simple mechanism. It didn't take long to make it safe by cutting a few wires, then we replaced the fuse plate and finished off the trench. We made a really neat job of it and positioned the mine at the bottom of the trench.

We sent for the officer, and he came striding up to us..."

"Right men, take cover behind the sandbags!"

"He climbed down the ladder into the trench, sweat pouring from his brows. We hid behind the sandbags, and waited. Evnetually, after a long delay, we heard the officer's voice come from the bottom of the trench..."

"It's okay men - it's safe for you to come out now - it was a dud!"

"We were howling with laughter..."

He told me that story lots of times too, but I really liked it and enjoyed it every time!

My mum has some fantastic stories about growing up on a west highland croft and we always meant to write them down, but she is old, frail and sick now and we might not get the chance. She is pretty much the last remaining member of our Scottish family from that generation and she has family stories passed down from as far back as the Battle of Culloden. I am apparently distantly related to Donald Livingstone, Domhull Mollach -  'Hairy Donald'! (And yes, you presume correctly - David Livingstone did descend from the same clan!)

As for the repetition thing - I think we all start to do it as we get older. I know that I'm doing it on CC forum rides and constantly asking you lot if I've told you so-and-so before. Just try and gently guide me onto some new topic if I do it to you!

 

[Arch]

I know I tell anecdotes over and over, and that there must be plenty of people who've heard them more than once. I sometimes borrow (with credit to the original teller) stories I've heard from others... Including a few off here.... My Mum often repeats stuff she tells me, and my gran did the same. Comes to us all I expect.

It'll be nice to try and prompt some new memories Longers, but I wonder how much she's retelling those tales because she's comfortable in them, and it gives her a secure feeling - so perhaps don't steer her away too completely. I remember a while back hearing a programme about people with dementia, and someone saying that sometimes it's better to let the person live in their 'wrong' idea about something, than challenge it and make them realise they have got it wrong - the example was a lady who took her Mum to the doctors, and the old lady thought they were in an airport boarding lounge and asked where they were going. It was kinder, and less stressful for everyone, to play along a bit, than keep saying no, we're at the doctors. Once in with the doctor, the lady was ok with it because it was clear what was going on, and she'd forgotten the airport idea. Sounded very humane and obvious the way they described it, but it must be hard not to say "No...." all the time, because you'd want the person to right, not wrong.

 

[Moodyman]

We've some family in Manchester and when my dad and I pop over the Pennines to visit them, my dad always tells me the story (myth) of the house in the middle of the M62 motorway. How the owner didn't want to sell up cause it was his ancestral land despite the Highways Agency offering millions. Truth is that the motorway was built there due to geology, nothing to do with the farmer's recalcitrance.

He's been telling me that for over 20 years. I can tell you the exact location (by cms) of the motorway that he'll start that story.

 

[longers]

I heard about not correcting people with dementia and it made sense to me from a laymans point of view.

That's an amazing photo Colin, looks like it's been painted, is it your dad on the left?

Thanks again everyone.

 

[colly]

hi Longers,

Good ideas with the photo's and taking her around where she used to go.
What about getting some music from when she was younger and was going out dancing?
Maybe when she is on one of her usual memory trips try getting her to expand on what she is saying. It worked with my nan years ago. Once she had dredged up some ''new'' old memories she had a new store of tales to tell.

Of course the downside might be that you get to hear those time and again.

 

[ColinJ]

That's an amazing photo Colin, looks like it's been painted, is it your dad on the left? 

Yes, that's him. It's scary how much I'm starting to look like him as I get older. 

To be honest, there is one thing I dread happening which is for my mum to mistake me for him if she ever starts to lose her faculties. I already catch her doing a double-take sometimes.

I've got an even better photograph which I found in my dad's garage. It was folded and ripped and had paint stains on it but I managed to restore it to a reasonable condition after scanning it onto my PC. I'll see if I can find my copy of it. Here you go...

It's really odd seeing a picture of him looking young enough to be my son! 

I'm pretty certain that picture was taken on the coast near Plymouth. They took the bombs down there to blow them up after they had defused them where they fell. Well, I'm assuming that they didn't dig them up and transport them 'live'!

 

[gbb]

I know I tell anecdotes over and over, and that there must be plenty of people who've heard them more than once. I sometimes borrow (with credit to the original teller) stories I've heard from others ... Including a few off here.... My Mum often repeats stuff she tells me, and my gran did the same. Comes to us all I expect.

It'll be nice to try and prompt some new memories Longers, but I wonder how much she's retelling those tales because she's comfortable in them, and it gives her a secure feeling - so perhaps don't steer her away too completely. I remember a while back hearing a programme about people with dementia, and someone saying that sometimes it's better to let the person live in their 'wrong' idea about something, than challenge it and make them realise they have got it wrong - the example was a lady who took her Mum to the doctors, and the old lady thought they were in an airport boarding lounge and asked where they were going. It was kinder, and less stressful for everyone, to play along a bit, than keep saying no, we're at the doctors. Once in with the doctor, the lady was ok with it because it was clear what was going on, and she'd forgotten the airport idea. Sounded very humane and obvious the way they described it, but it must be hard not to say "No...." all the time, because you'd want the person to right, not wrong.

We used to have some fantastic story tellers at my last employers. We sat there one day transfixed by this tale one of the engineers was spinning out, then laughed like donkeys at the punchline. After a few seconds...one of the other guys piped up...'you $h!t..that was my story, i told that about a year ago...AND you told it better than me