sex

[jonesy]

People tell racist jokes as well

Same ball park, it supposed to be a laugh and a joke but at the root of it lies prejudice and negativity towards those who are different from you.

Oh come off it. Trillian hasn't said anything about other people. The only person demonstrating negativity towards someone else's values is you. Do you feel threatened by those who practice celibacy? Does self-restraint in others challenge your own behaviour?

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

People tell racist jokes as well

Same ball park, it supposed to be a laugh and a joke but at the root of it lies prejudice and negativity towards those who are different from you.

He was making a flippant comment about himself. It can hardly be compared with a racist joke. Why on earth should it bother you if he and his girlfriend decide not to have sex until they're married?

 

[Zoiders]

He was making a flippant comment about himself. It can hardly be compared with a racist joke. Why on earth should it bother you if he and his girlfriend decide not to have sex until they're married?

It doesnt bother me one bit

I just found the original wording odd and I dont think he was joking either

I stand by my position on this one.

 

[Fnaar]

It's often the lack of sex after marriage that people* complain about....


*not me, obviously, that would be silly. Specially as me and "Mrs" F aren't ctually married....

 

[col]

Then he should have just said "my partner and I have chosen to wait until we are married/civil partnership and that is our own personal choice, it may not be the right choice for you though and we do not think less of anyone who would persue there own path in this regard"

Instead we get a coment on how he has never come in to contact with sex

Why say it like that?

You could just say that you were glad you waited, which is fine, saying it the other way drags everyone else into it, its what tits me off big style about the whole silver ring thing abstinance crowd.

No it doesnt,you just seem to have over reacted to a perfectly innocent remark.If thats what they want to do,why should it bother you?,its their life,and you trying to make it sound something it isnt,doesnt show your best light.In fact,it seems to show a problem you may have,or have had in the passed?

 

[Abitrary]

Sex... like tinned peaches... is a dish best served cold

 

[Fnaar]

Sex... like tinned peaches... is a dish best served cold

With condensed milk on....

 

[Trillian]

zoiders: as i've already said, i was trying to make a distinction, partly through, as someone said, a flippant remark about myself between 'we've not had sex' and 'we've not had sex but done everything else' (the former being correct)

you have chosen to read into things and may well read into my response to someone asking my reasons for waiting - please don't I do not intend to condemn anyone else's choices

I would be interested to know your reasoning Trillian, as long as you don't mind sharing it of course.

part of the reason is that me and my girlfriend are christians and as such believe that we should wait,

I want to know that i'm with her for more than just the physical things, we've chosen to date to see if we want to take things further in time, we can both see the possibility of a future together and so are exploring that, enjoying time we're spending together and finding out what the future holds
to us, sex is part of that future along with marriage - things may go the other way and we may split.
we don't know.

If we were to break up I want to be able to still chat to her without things being awkward,
If we were to break up, I want to be able to look her, her husband and her parents in the eye on her wedding day and say congratulations, again without things being awkward.
I don't think I could do that if we had had sex

edit:
also, I want a way of telling whoever I marry that she's very special to me, saving myself in this way is a way of doing so, to be able to tell my wife she's the only woman i've slept with.

 

[Abitrary]

part of the reason is that me and my girlfriend are christians and as such believe that we should wait,

What if there was going to a be a nuclear war though, and everyone was going go die in 3 minutes... and there wasn't a priest around to marry you very quickly.. would you do it then?

 

[Trillian]

What if there was going to a be a nuclear war though, and everyone was going go die in 3 minutes... and there wasn't a priest around to marry you very quickly.. would you do it then?

would you be able to 'get it up' in that situation?

do you have a fettish for atomic weapons?

no, we'd most likely huddle in a doorway hugging each other and saying goodbye

 

[Abitrary]

no, we'd most likely huddle in a doorway hugging each other and saying goodbye

No you wouldn't. You'd go at it.

 

[Keith Oates]

Does it matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jacomus-rides-Gen]

<snip>
part of the reason is that me and my girlfriend are christians and as such believe that we should wait,

I want to know that i'm with her for more than just the physical things, we've chosen to date to see if we want to take things further in time, we can both see the possibility of a future together and so are exploring that, enjoying time we're spending together and finding out what the future holds
to us, sex is part of that future along with marriage - things may go the other way and we may split.
we don't know.

If we were to break up I want to be able to still chat to her without things being awkward,
If we were to break up, I want to be able to look her, her husband and her parents in the eye on her wedding day and say congratulations, again without things being awkward.
I don't think I could do that if we had had sex

edit:
also, I want a way of telling whoever I marry that she's very special to me, saving myself in this way is a way of doing so, to be able to tell my wife she's the only woman i've slept with.

Thanks old bean, I guessed it would be along those lines, but didn't want to assume.

As long as you don't mind getting into it, why does being christian preclude you from sex before marriage? (The most I know about the bible is that one of the sections is called Genesis!)

I think, in relation to things being awkward, too much emphasis is placed on sex - it is the terms on which you break up that dictate the awkwardness.

When you say how you want to be able to look you gf's husband / father in the eye (hopefully, just father!! ) I must disagree with you once more - I have never had a problem with my girlfriends parents, or indeed my other long term ex's current boyfriend. I would feel odd if I did experience uncomfortableness, because it would mean to me, that I was uncomfortable with being human!

 

[Trillian]

I have a good relationship with her father, based mainly on the fact i'm dating his daughter, but, while he asks similar questions to you I think he'd appreciate the fact that i've kept my hands from roaming if me and my gf were to split.

In mine and many other Christian's view, sex is meant to be a giving on ones self to their partner who they intend to be with for the rest of their lives, its a very intimate act.

sex is often taken for granted, just something people do (not pointing fingers at anyone) but it can often end up in a lot of heart ache, teenage mum's, families fueding for generation's kids fighting in the playground cos they know their mum doesn't like someone else's family but not knowing why (three families at a kids club, used to be a full time job for one member of staff to stop them fighting at the age of 8)

waiting to have sex would eliminate the above and make it special between me and my wife - whoever that may be

with regard to too much emphasis being placed on sex, thats western society.


imagine you've got a 20 year old daughter, do you want me sleeping with her and then one day saying "i've had enough of you, goodbye"

or would you prefer me to wait, say that i'm going to be with her until I die and then sleep with her?

personally i'd prefer the latter

 

[Jacomus-rides-Gen]

<snip>

waiting to have sex would eliminate the above and make it special between me and my wife - whoever that may be

I see what you're saying, however I feel that your approach is more one aimed at preventing the consequences, rather than dealing with the problem - education and respect.

For someone like yourself to say that one of the reasons you are unwilling to have sex before marriage is to circumvent the problems associated with irresponsible teenage behaviour is unrealistic, as for you to take this view, you are clearly responsible enough to take responsibility for your actions, and take precations against disease and unwanted pregnancy.

Although this does bring us neatly to the point of personal wishes - you are obeying yours without hurting anyone else, which is a key value in my life and how I conduct it.

I always am launched into a spiral of difficult thinking by issues such as this. I have been raised to think idependantly, and to make decisions based on how I feel. You have been brought up to make decisions based, in part, on the doctrine of the bible, which is the thinking of other people. But you still make a sentient ecision to obey / disobey that doctrine, so you are still making a personal choice.

Who is to say what is the right choice, or if they can both be right. I also wonder if my upbringing had not been atheist, what my choices might have been, and whether my ability to feedom of expression would have been compromised.

with regard to too much emphasis being placed on sex, thats western society.

I don't believe this to be true, I think that it is ancient eastern society that has caused this, with their development of the mass religions, which have now been included in western society. Replacing the religions of wicca and the like, with the current bodily stigmas.

imagine you've got a 20 year old daughter, do you want me sleeping with her and then one day saying "i've had enough of you, goodbye"

or would you prefer me to wait, say that i'm going to be with her until I die and then sleep with her?

personally i'd prefer the latter

I think in honest answer to your question, I would have to say that it would make no difference to me whether or not she had chosen to have sex with you. In a way I would hope that she did, as it is a seriously pleasureable activity and a perk of being human, but the factor that would most heavily influence my thoughts about you leaving her would be the reason why.

If you ditched her in a messy and cruel way, I would not be impressed, but if you could say that your feelings towards her had changed and that you did not believe that it was right to continue going out with her, I could respect you for your honesty and openness.

The fact that you had or had not been sleeping with her would not enter into it.