Slowly becoming too afraid to ride.

[Sara_H]

I've been riding most of my adult life.
I have to say, until I started following road safety/cycle groups I had no idea about cycle craft etc.
I'm now more and more aware of the risks of riding on the road. To the point where I don't if I can help it.
I've carefully refined my most used routes and I use mostly local parks and shared use routes. Very little is on roads and I ride illegally on the pavement if I don't like the look of the road conditions.
Even on quiet roads I feel stressed every time a car passes me, due to the frequency of close passes, road rage etc.
I only ride routes I'm familiar with, if I go to other towns and cities I don't ride as I find it difficult to find quiet, safe routes.
I now haven't ridden with my son since I was knocked over in July. I just daren't put him in danger, he's too precious to me. We used to ride everywhere, but I now take the bus if I'm travelling with him.
Don't know what the answer is. Move to the Netherlands? I probably would if I could.

 

[roadrash]

This may sound sily, depending ob your own views on the subject, but have you given counselling or hypnotherapy any thought , from your post it appears that you still WANT to ride , if it helps you get over the hurdle it must be worth considering , bet your son misses the rides too.

 

[fossyant]

Accidents can affect people. Tends to affect my family more than me. I'm aware of the risks, but sitting on one's fat bottom is far riskier. Keep riding and confidence will come back.

 

[Sara_H]

I love riding, I love getting places under my own steam - but I'm really frightened of drivers on the road. It only takes one episode if road rage or carelessness and you're gone.
Some of the attitudes demonstrated frequently by drivers really shock me. The fact that people don't understand how important it is to drive carefully around cyclists, put what they believe to be their priority ahead of safety, don't understand that they should slow down or stop if they can't see to pass carefully.
The fact that most drivers are careful and considerate is often stressed, but I'm not sure that's true.
One of my biggest fears is narrow double parked streets, oncoming cars often drive straight at me without slowing down. What are they thinking? It scares the shoot out if me.
Even on my 4 mile commute, I will often be subject to two or three close passes and road rage, which considering how little of my journey is actually on road is shocking.

 

[ColinJ]

Accidents can affect people. Tends to affect my family more than me. I'm aware of the risks, but sitting on one's fat bottom is far riskier. Keep riding and confidence will come back.

I can see where Sara is coming from on this. Sometimes confidence comes back, sometimes such problems gets worse.

I had 2 very scary breathless bike rides before finally accepting that I was ill, and subsequently collapsing. I developed a fear of riding that kept me off the bike much longer than the illness itself did. I kept thinking "What if this happens, what if that happens ..." It took me 8 months to overcome the fear.

Eventually, I decided that I would rather risk dying doing something I loved, than be afraid of doing it. The thing is though, that I do not have a young child depending on me. If I suddenly popped my clogs then the world would move on quite nicely without me.

Sara - I think it would be a good idea to seek help. I reckon you are suffering from a form of PTSD. I'm not saying you are wrong about a minority of drivers - I had an idiot drive straight at me on a singletrack road on the Isle of Mull in September. He knew exactly what he was doing because he screamed abuse at me as he passed. (I had to dive for the tiny gap next to a barrier which was all that was there to stop me plunging down to the sea!) You just have to keep telling yourself that such psychos are rare.

I do my best to avoid busy roads, but sometimes it is not possible. The next best thing is to avoid the busiest times. If you are forced onto busy roads at busy times, that is going to be difficult for you to cope with. Good luck! (And try not to let those few b**t*rds grind you down!)

 

[mjr]

Remember that online safety forums overemphasise the dangers because that's what we need to fix. The vast majority of safe rides go unremarked.

The other thing I'd suggest is getting a junk bike, going somewhere soft like a common and practising emergency turns and jumping off safely. I take some comfort in knowing that I can theoretically jump onto a car if I must!

I also get a bit bossy with cars and when I'm wearing blue and white or black and white jackets (not that police like but I like the same colours) seems to introduce enough doubt into drivers minds that they often comply with instructions

 

[Levo-Lon]

More likely to be killed shopping at Tesco these days...

but on a seriouse note ,Common sense is your friend and the more you have the safer you will be.
stick to what yourhappy with so your confidence can build.
I had a few motorcycle accidents , and it can seem a bit scary getting back on..but it will pass.

so many idiots racking up stats in the uk. Ride safe and enjoy it ,everything is dangerouse once your born.

 

[DCLane]

I'm not surprised; you've had someone deliberately drive their car at you - the outcome of which has only just been decided.

As such, I'm guessing that you're wondering if every other driver is likely to do the same.

It will take time. And you need to be brave by keeping riding. But you will get there ... eventually.

 

[BrevetRider]

Keep on pedalling and keep your chin up.

This week I've been knocked off my bike and hit my elbow on a car whilst crossing the road (the car was driving at me). Whilst on the face off it this is probably what you don't want to hear. But my point is that altercations like this are not reflective of other road users in general and 20 odd years before last Tuesday and since then I've never been hit by another car and will more than likely continue for another 20 years without being hit by a car (or any other road vehicle).

Keep pedalling Sara, are there no routes that you can ride with your son just on shared paths?

 

[Ganymede]

I think ColinJ is right that you are probably suffering from PTSD, and no wonder. I think that awful assault turned your world upside down, even though you have coped admirably with it in so many ways (from what I can judge of what has been posted here). I wonder if you should try a Bikeability course? It may feel slightly like being taught to suck eggs but I think going back to the basics and learning a few things along the way might be a way of getting back into cycling. You could take your son along with you if he is old enough to be on the same course.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Given the road rage you suffered I'm not surprised it has affected your riding & road attitude generally, you wouldn't be normal if it didn't & you've had the protracted court proceedings that keeps it fresh & ticking over in your mind even subconsciously.
I agree with the others that have said Stress or PTSD have got a grip of you. I really would go and have a frank talk to your GP or work occupational health people - it may well be that you need a professional ear and maybe a short term zap of pills to take the edges off and let you get back on top of your fears. Stress and PTSD don't wave a flag in your head and let you know they are there until you are a long way into them, you're invariably the last person in your circle to realise that you are not your usual self or you think you're coping well enough that it isn't getting to you & nobody else can see it.
it all causes a downward spiral of imbalances in your body chemistry generally and adrenaline/noradrenaline particularly and you end up living in a constant state of fight or flight, not able to relax and enjoy the experience of riding anymore because your body is in battle mode all the time, and it feeds off itself to make you feel ever more negative about what used to be easily controllable and perceived-in-proportion thoughts about the rare bad stuff/bad drivers.

If you're fixated on road danger, Could you maybe take some time out of commute/road riding with no targets or goals to come back to it that would put pressure you and set yourself only to ride around the local park with your son on car free bike trails/sustrans off road routes. If you've not got one, Gumtree yourself a cheap old MTB & hit the hills and forest trails to reconnect with the fun bit of riding a bike without the fear of every engine rev.

Physical exertion is also one of the things that helps flush the toxic chemical effects out of your body and help regain your natural balance and mental harmony, its a horrible catch 22 that the more depressed you get, the less you feel like exercising but that can be one of the biggest natural self helps to get you back on track.

Talk to your OH, family and friends, ask them to be absolutely honest with you about how you seem to them generally & in terms of your riding. it may not be particularly comfortable for any of you to do but it would be a very good indicator to you as to how you are faring under the surface.

 

[Pale Rider]

A nervous rider is a dangerous rider, so if you really are that frightened, don't ride the bike.

Only problem is you are having to deny yourself an activity you enjoy.

No easy answer.

 

[Ganymede]

Given the road rage you suffered I'm not surprised it has affected your riding & road attitude generally, you wouldn't be normal if it didn't & you've had the protracted court proceedings that keeps it fresh & ticking over in your mind even subconsciously.
I agree with the others that have said Stress or PTSD have got a grip of you. I really would go and have a frank talk to your GP or work occupational health people - it may well be that you need a professional ear and maybe a short term zap of pills to take the edges off and let you get back on top of your fears. Stress and PTSD don't wave a flag in your head and let you know they are there until you are a long way into them, you're invariably the last person in your circle to realise that you are not your usual self or you think you're coping well enough that it isn't getting to you & nobody else can see it.
it all causes a downward spiral of imbalances in your body chemistry generally and adrenaline/noradrenaline particularly and you end up living in a constant state of fight or flight, not able to relax and enjoy the experience of riding anymore because your body is in battle mode all the time, and it feeds off itself to make you feel ever more negative about what used to be easily controllable and perceived-in-proportion thoughts about the rare bad stuff/bad drivers.

If you're fixated on road danger, Could you maybe take some time out of commute/road riding with no targets or goals to come back to it that would put pressure you and set yourself only to ride around the local park with your son on car free bike trails/sustrans off road routes. If you've not got one, Gumtree yourself a cheap old MTB & hit the hills and forest trails to reconnect with the fun bit of riding a bike without the fear of every engine rev.

Physical exertion is also one of the things that helps flush the toxic chemical effects out of your body and help regain your natural balance and mental harmony, its a horrible catch 22 that the more depressed you get, the less you feel like exercising but that can be one of the biggest natural self helps to get you back on track.

Talk to your OH, family and friends, ask them to be absolutely honest with you about how you seem to them generally & in terms of your riding. it may not be particularly comfortable for any of you to do but it would be a very good indicator to you as to how you are faring under the surface.

That is a brilliant reply, @shouldbeinbed.

 

[Mrs M]

Could you ride purely off road for a bit, just for fun, no cars, etc. just mud and the open air, nothing scarey about that
Then once your confidence is up you could tackle some quieter road with a friend or two?
Hope you can get over the horrible time you've had and get back on the bike and have some fun.
Best wishes.

 

[Sara_H]

Possibly there is a bit of PTSD. I'm generally pretty resilient, but I guess these things weasel there way in without you knowing.
Practically speaking, for me there's no getting away from the fact that when I'm on the road my life is entirely dependant on drivers, driving properly. And the evidence of my own eyes is telling me that a large number of drivers aren't driving properly.