1) Punctures always happen to your rear wheel.
2) When fixing any accessory to your bike (lights, computer etc) you will always drop the screw at least 3 times and lose it completely on the 4th
3) B and Q will never have a compatable screw.
4) you will never be able to fit everything you want to take on your cycle ride in your seat pack
5) the thing you leave out will always be the thing you need
6) When approaching traffic lights at top speed they will always (without fail) turn red
7) whilst stopped at said traffic lights, some chav shall always cycle past through the red lights
8) When buying new cycling clothing the mirrors in the shop lie to you and tell you that you look like a seriously toned athlete
9) conversely your mirrors at home will tell you that you look like the pilsbury dough boy with lycra shrink wrapped onto you
10) If you leave the bike at home expect glorious sunshine and no wind
11) if you leave the car at home expect torrential rain and gail force head winds.
12) The people overtaking you in their shiny motor are not smilling at you they are laughing at you.
13)When you get home to find the family out and the doors locked a parade of people the like of which would put the jarrow marches to shame will always walk past your door as you sit waiting like a dog thats just shoot on the living room carpet.
14) If you have remembered your keys your street is guaranteed to be as lifeless as a morgue
15) As a cyclist it is your obligation to preach to others about your prowess on two wheels, how you are helping the planet, the money you save and the speeds you can achieve. Your life shall be consumed by groupsets, frame materials and tyre construction and everyone shall from thence forth know you as "SAD"