Sod's (Cycling) laws

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Bigtallfatbloke, 12 Sep 2007.

  1. Bigtallfatbloke

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    Law No.1

    The headwind on the outward leg will turn 180 Degrees once you reach the half way point and turn for home.
  2. alecstilleyedye

    alecstilleyedye nothing in moderation Moderator

    Law No. 2

    False flats are never downhill.
  3. Elmer Fudd

    Elmer Fudd Miserable Old Bar Steward

    When deciding to turn right at the bottom of that long incline to avoid going up it on the return of your cycling loop you discover a steeper hill to get back home.

    P*n*t*r*s only happen when you are at the furthest point from home and you discover you forgot to put those replacement patches you just bought in your repair outfit.

    Only ever pishes down when you've taken your waterproofs out your backpack to get your bait in for your day out
  4. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    Whichever tool you don't take with you.... will be the one you need.
  5. walker

    walker New Member

    Bromley, Kent
    Upon deciding to go for a long ride based on the weather out the window it will rain within the first 2 hours
  6. monnet

    monnet Über Member

    By which time you think it will be pointless to turn back. So you continue, only for the rain to get heavier, despite the sky seeming to look lighter 'just where you're heading'
  7. Elmer Fudd

    Elmer Fudd Miserable Old Bar Steward

  8. OP

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    The day you leave your front door keys at home will be the day the entire family goes out all day without telling you.
  9. Elmer Fudd

    Elmer Fudd Miserable Old Bar Steward

    Yup, spent a nice couple of hours on doorstep (no money in pocket etc.) :smile::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
  10. alecstilleyedye

    alecstilleyedye nothing in moderation Moderator

    and worse still, non-cycling mate over the road accuses me of looking like a weedy superman (z team jersey).
  11. OP

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    You will hit the stone in the road you try to avoid
  12. papercorn2000

    papercorn2000 Senior Member

    Been there as well, outside the back door of a mates house. We ended up wrapped in a big plastic sheet from the bin until his partner returned! It was freezing and lashing down! Goodness knows what the neighbours thought!
  13. twentysix by twentyfive

    twentysix by twentyfive Clinging on tightly

    Over the Hill
    How about "what a pair of pl*nk*rs" ? :smile::biggrin:

    Of course there is the rule that having spent a very nice Saturday afternoon washing and cleaning the bike because the forecast for tomorrow's club run is excellent you get 10 miles down the road on Sunday, the heavens open and the farmer drives his cows and tractor from a field one mile to the milking parlour just before you arrive thus ensuring that your shiny pride and joy is completely covered in cr*p. :ohmy:
  14. got-to-get-fit

    got-to-get-fit New Member

    Yarm, Cleveland
    1) Punctures always happen to your rear wheel.

    2) When fixing any accessory to your bike (lights, computer etc) you will always drop the screw at least 3 times and lose it completely on the 4th

    3) B and Q will never have a compatable screw.

    4) you will never be able to fit everything you want to take on your cycle ride in your seat pack

    5) the thing you leave out will always be the thing you need

    6) When approaching traffic lights at top speed they will always (without fail) turn red

    7) whilst stopped at said traffic lights, some chav shall always cycle past through the red lights

    8) When buying new cycling clothing the mirrors in the shop lie to you and tell you that you look like a seriously toned athlete

    9) conversely your mirrors at home will tell you that you look like the pilsbury dough boy with lycra shrink wrapped onto you

    10) If you leave the bike at home expect glorious sunshine and no wind

    11) if you leave the car at home expect torrential rain and gail force head winds.

    12) The people overtaking you in their shiny motor are not smilling at you they are laughing at you.

    13)When you get home to find the family out and the doors locked a parade of people the like of which would put the jarrow marches to shame will always walk past your door as you sit waiting like a dog thats just shoot on the living room carpet.

    14) If you have remembered your keys your street is guaranteed to be as lifeless as a morgue

    15) As a cyclist it is your obligation to preach to others about your prowess on two wheels, how you are helping the planet, the money you save and the speeds you can achieve. Your life shall be consumed by groupsets, frame materials and tyre construction and everyone shall from thence forth know you as "SAD"
  15. ajevans

    ajevans New Member

    The time you puncture but wave everyone else past because you have everything you need and can catch up is the time you bollox up your spare inner tube.
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