Sod's (Cycling) laws

alecstilleyedye

nothing in moderation
Moderator
Law No. 2

False flats are never downhill.
 

Elmer Fudd

Miserable Old Bar Steward
When deciding to turn right at the bottom of that long incline to avoid going up it on the return of your cycling loop you discover a steeper hill to get back home.

P*n*t*r*s only happen when you are at the furthest point from home and you discover you forgot to put those replacement patches you just bought in your repair outfit.

Only ever pishes down when you've taken your waterproofs out your backpack to get your bait in for your day out
 

monnet

Veteran
walker said:
Upon deciding to go for a long ride based on the weather out the window it will rain within the first 2 hours
By which time you think it will be pointless to turn back. So you continue, only for the rain to get heavier, despite the sky seeming to look lighter 'just where you're heading'
 
OP
Bigtallfatbloke

Bigtallfatbloke

New Member
The day you leave your front door keys at home will be the day the entire family goes out all day without telling you.
 

Elmer Fudd

Miserable Old Bar Steward
Bigtallfatbloke said:
The day you leave your front door keys at home will be the day the entire family goes out all day without telling you.
Yup, spent a nice couple of hours on doorstep (no money in pocket etc.) :smile::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
 

papercorn2000

Senior Member
Bigtallfatbloke said:
The day you leave your front door keys at home will be the day the entire family goes out all day without telling you.
Been there as well, outside the back door of a mates house. We ended up wrapped in a big plastic sheet from the bin until his partner returned! It was freezing and lashing down! Goodness knows what the neighbours thought!
 

twentysix by twentyfive

Clinging on tightly
Location
Over the Hill
papercorn2000 said:
Been there as well, outside the back door of a mates house. We ended up wrapped in a big plastic sheet from the bin until his partner returned! It was freezing and lashing down! Goodness knows what the neighbours thought!
How about "what a pair of pl*nk*rs" ? :smile::biggrin:

Of course there is the rule that having spent a very nice Saturday afternoon washing and cleaning the bike because the forecast for tomorrow's club run is excellent you get 10 miles down the road on Sunday, the heavens open and the farmer drives his cows and tractor from a field one mile to the milking parlour just before you arrive thus ensuring that your shiny pride and joy is completely covered in cr*p. :ohmy:
 

got-to-get-fit

New Member
Location
Yarm, Cleveland
1) Punctures always happen to your rear wheel.

2) When fixing any accessory to your bike (lights, computer etc) you will always drop the screw at least 3 times and lose it completely on the 4th

3) B and Q will never have a compatable screw.

4) you will never be able to fit everything you want to take on your cycle ride in your seat pack

5) the thing you leave out will always be the thing you need

6) When approaching traffic lights at top speed they will always (without fail) turn red

7) whilst stopped at said traffic lights, some chav shall always cycle past through the red lights

8) When buying new cycling clothing the mirrors in the shop lie to you and tell you that you look like a seriously toned athlete

9) conversely your mirrors at home will tell you that you look like the pilsbury dough boy with lycra shrink wrapped onto you

10) If you leave the bike at home expect glorious sunshine and no wind

11) if you leave the car at home expect torrential rain and gail force head winds.

12) The people overtaking you in their shiny motor are not smilling at you they are laughing at you.

13)When you get home to find the family out and the doors locked a parade of people the like of which would put the jarrow marches to shame will always walk past your door as you sit waiting like a dog thats just shoot on the living room carpet.

14) If you have remembered your keys your street is guaranteed to be as lifeless as a morgue

15) As a cyclist it is your obligation to preach to others about your prowess on two wheels, how you are helping the planet, the money you save and the speeds you can achieve. Your life shall be consumed by groupsets, frame materials and tyre construction and everyone shall from thence forth know you as "SAD"
 

ajevans

New Member
Location
Birmingham
The time you puncture but wave everyone else past because you have everything you need and can catch up is the time you bollox up your spare inner tube.
 
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