Stories you wish had happened to you

[Mad Doug Biker]

I read this in a feature about Australia on Facebook earlier :

1/20 I used to think the best days of my life might involve marriage, children, maybe career success. Then visiting my brother in Perth I saw a pelican do a massive fly-by shoot on a toddler's head. Game over.


What crackers have you heard over the years?

 

[MrPie]

I win....and I shoot you not......being hauled up in front of the Azerbaijan chief of customs in Baku for aledged drug trafficking. Now there is a story for the pub.....

 

[Fnaar]

Mrs F was arrested in Morocco on suspicion of prostitution (it's a long story)

 

[Dayvo]

I was caught, fined and released at the Swedish/Norwegian border in 1994 in possession of amphetamines. I was guilty of being in possession, but I had permission from the Norwegian authorities. Funnily enough, I was en route to Amsterdam, of all places, to meet my Swedish girlfriend, but I didn't tell the border control guards that.

It's a long story...

Oh, just read the title again: it did happen to me.

 

[MrPie]

Ok, just re-read the title too. Oops. Time to change the title....simples

 

[ColinJ]

I'm treating the thread as "Stories that I'm glad DIDN'T happen to me"!

Mrs F was arrested in Morocco on suspicion of prostitution (it's a long story)

I know someone who was stitched up in Morocco, arrested for possession of hashish, and chucked into a stinking cockroach-infested dungeon!

He had booked into a hostel. The guy on the reception desk looked around in a shifty fashion and said "Sir, you want buy hashish?" My acquaintance asked how much and was offered half a housebrick size for the equivalent of about £10. He thought he would smoke what he could while he was there and try to sell what was left before coming home. He decided to take his stash outside and roll a fat one but he didn't get the chance ... A police car came screeching up and armed police leapt out and arrested him for possession. One of them took the hash back into the hostel, presumably so the sting could be run again with the next victim!

He was banged up in the aforementioned dungeon along with about 10 other mugs from various parts of Europe until the money required to bribe his way out was wired over from the UK!

 

[jefmcg]

1/20 I used to think the best days of my life might involve marriage, children, maybe career success. Then visiting my brother in Perth I saw a pelican do a massive fly-by shoot on a toddler's head. Game over.

Um, I don't get this. I understand that a pelican poo'd on a toddler, but .....?

 

[MontyVeda]

There was story on the radio the other day about someone winning the lottery....

 

[Slioch]

Um, I don't get this. I understand that a pelican poo'd on a toddler, but .....?

What's not to like?

 

[Slioch]

I was marched down an alleyway at gunpoint, by a police officer in Bangkok, one of the filthiest cities on the planet, after dropping a cigarette butt on the street.
An exchange of the equivalent of twenty quid in the local currency sorted the problem.
The guy was only about 5 foot tall, but he sure scared the s**t out of me though! I wouldn't want to get into an argument with one of those MF's when they've got a gun in their hand.

 

[ColinJ]

There was story on the radio the other day about someone winning the lottery....

Well, here is another in my series of 'Glad it never happened to me' stories ...

My sister and I were talking last week about winning the lottery. She told me that she nearly won a lot of money on it once. I asked what she meant by 'nearly' ...

It turned out that she had played the same set of numbers for years but never won with them. She eventually gave up and tried some new numbers. 2 weeks later she would have got 5 of the 6 winning numbers if she had stuck to her old set - the payout for 5 numbers that week was £70,000!

She seemed remarkably matter-of-fact about it - I think I would still be headbutting the nearest wall now!

 

[jefmcg]

What's not to like?

so that's the best thing he's ever seen in his entire life? Or does it mean something else?

(It doesn't even seem like the best pelican related thing you might see)

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

so that's the best thing he's ever seen in his entire life? Or does it mean something else?

(It doesn't even seem like the best pelican related thing you might see)

All though I did laugh, it does seem rather childish and cruel. I think it was just the justapoxision of the rest of the message..... Marriage? Childbirth? No, a pelican doing a massive flyby sh*t on someone's head. I imagine it also depended on how the Toddler in question reacted, they might have done or said something pretty funny themselves.

Takes all sorts I guess.... But I still laughed.

Well, here is another in my series of 'Glad it never happened to me' stories ...

My sister and I were talking last week about winning the lottery. She told me that she nearly won a lot of money on it once. I asked what she meant by 'nearly' ...

It turned out that she had played the same set of numbers for years but never won with them. She eventually gave up and tried some new numbers. 2 weeks later she would have got 5 of the 6 winning numbers if she had stuck to her old set - the payout for 5 numbers that week was £70,000!

She seemed remarkably matter-of-fact about it - I think I would still be headbutting the nearest wall now!

Similar once happened to me. There's not much you can do about it.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

A story I wish didn't happen to me: I've been interviewed by the police as a potential rapist


I was also studying with a lad called Paul James Murphy who told that he had spent 3 days in a Russian jail because there was him and another guy of exactly the same name on the same plane out of Moscow and the authorities suspected some sort of identity shenanigins going on between them, so took them aside until they could prove it was just a coincidence and a common name combo in bits of the UK.

 

[ColinJ]

A story I wish didn't happen to me: I've been interviewed by the police as a potential rapist

That was a bit 'Minority Report', wasn't it!