Take a Real Headline and Add Your Own Byline

[Ming the Merciless]

You need this much strength training to reduce your risk of early death

Says Methuselah

 

[lenfield]

FIGHT AGAINST DRUGS

given a shot in the arm

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Police can’t find shoplifter who fled in self-driving Waymo

They have created some wanted posters “Where’s Wally?”

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A golden age of maths is dawning and mathematicians are freaking out​

AI learns to count to 100 using fewer numbers

 

[Drago]

MP quizzes water boss over supply loss in heatwave​

CEO claims no knowledge of location of parliamentarian's cannabis stash.

 

[kynikos]

How to prevent older people from having fatal falls​

Another U turn as government passes assisted dying bill.

 

[PeteXXX]

Council apologises after claiming e-bikes can help women 'look nice' and 'perform their traditional domestic responsibilities'​

Obviously the washing up water would splosh out of the basket as she pedals off to pick up the shopping.

 

[Drago]

Businessman who spent £300k turning abandoned Lake District waterworks into 'magical' holiday bolthole is BANNED from living there.

His chronic flatulence breaches local planning regulations.

 

[Drago]

Four people arrested near Appleby Horse Fair after police discover hoard of 'hippy crack'

Embarassed hippy reports police for probing his crack.

 

[kynikos]

Flagship aircraft carrier HMS Prince of Wales breaks down again​

Now booked into The Priory for assessment of symptoms and subsequent care plan

 

[Toshiba Boy]

I’ve matched with four men on dating apps - they were all scammers.

Posh-shire resident Drago says he’s so hurt, and is going to revert to seeing who he can chat up down his local.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Duchess Sophie rewears her hardest-working 'thigh split' dress to Peter Phillips' wedding

Her table dancing routine at the reception brought the house down

 

[Drago]

Technical issue detected on one of UK's biggest warships.

"Two flusher" deposit disables the captains personal lavvy.

 

[PeteXXX]

Britain's £3.5bn warship HMS Prince of Wales breaks down again as technical issue detected​

Back to basics.. Plugs & Points and clean the fuel filter!

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Government should apologise for delay to defence plan which has damaged Britain’s safety, MPs say

New long range trebuchets won’t be delivered till 2030