Teenage daughter and Facebook guidance...

[IDMark2]

Hi all,
I'm an 'every two weeks stayover' Dad, which is to say I get visitation rights for every second weekend but not a lot of other control over what my kids get up to the rest of the time... My thirteen year-old daughter announced this weekend that she has been allowed a Facebook account 'at last' by her Mum, that all her school friends have had one 'for ages'. Her Mum asked me to speak to her regarding her online presence and safety, my daughter is pretty sensible and their school does give them guidance on the issues of using the internet and I gave advice to the best of my knowledge (I don't use it myself)
I did give her a little speech on not posting personally identifiable info out, address,telephone no etc, only having interaction with people that she actually knew 'in real life'. I was wondering if the great CC-using masses may have any pearls of wisdom or experience to impart?

 

[HorTs]

Some privacy settings tweaks at the start could save a lot of bother.

I.e. making sure only friends can see your status/photos.

Take a look at these:

http://news.yahoo.com/facebook-privacy-settings-how-to-150256399.html

http://www.sophos.com/en-us/security-news-trends/best-practices/facebook.aspx

http://www.insidefacebook.com/2013/...vacy-in-lieu-of-graph-search-privacy-changes/

http://mashable.com/2011/02/07/facebook-privacy-guide/

 

[Cameronmu917772]

My parents always told me never to meet anyone I met online. Met 12 cc members for a group ride on sat. Woops. Haha. If I'm honest which normally I am it dosnt matter how much you try to watch over them. Police forces are using mocked up profiles to try and penetrat the system an gain info. Hackers and just dodgy people use tricks to gain trust etc. the best policy is knolage is power I would say. But that isn't to say we have to go about scare mongering like the media portrays. You could always suggest time limits? I once read a sign in a cafe that said. No we don't have wifi talk to each other. Made me smile anyway

 

[tadpole]

Get yourself a FB account and make sure your Daughter adds you. After that watch what appear on her page, but don't post anything on her account, even if something you think something not good is happening. talk to her or message her privately about it. She will get to trust you are not going to embarrass her and block you, and you get to see that she can be trusted, and both of you are happy.

 

[s7ephanie]

Get yourself a FB account and make sure your Daughter adds you. After that watch what appear on her page, but don't post anything on her account, even if something you think something not good is happening. talk to her or message her privately about it. She will get to trust you are not going to embarrass her and block you, and you get to see that she can be trusted, and both of you are happy.

I second that xx

 

[Archie_tect]

Are teens still using FB?

 

[theclaud]

Are teens still using FB?

Not since their parents insisted on befriending them.

 

[sazzaa]

Get yourself a FB account and make sure your Daughter adds you. After that watch what appear on her page, but don't post anything on her account, even if something you think something not good is happening. talk to her or message her privately about it. She will get to trust you are not going to embarrass her and block you, and you get to see that she can be trusted, and both of you are happy.

I wouldn't go down this route, it's asking for a teenage strop/resentment, and would feel like spying to her. My daughter is 12 and I give her the privacy she needs while still giving her plenty guidance without looking like I'm watching her every move.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

All good advice above. FB accounts do get hacked. Password changes may be required from time to time. Never click on stuff on the right hand side either!!

 

[IDMark2]

Part of my talk to her was 'Imagine I'm one of your friends and can see what you're putting there..' But that's nearly as spooky and 'Big Brother' as what I'm warning her against! So I won't be actually doing that.

Thank you for the links HorTs, they confirm what I have long thought, if the Privacy settings are THAT difficult to control then probably you're not meant to understand them and get what you want out of them. I think I'll rely to trust and reiteration every now and then.

 

[bianchi1]

I wouldn't go down this route, it's asking for a teenage strop/resentment, and would feel like spying to her. My daughter is 12 and I give her the privacy she needs while still giving her plenty guidance without looking like I'm watching her every move.

I agree. If your daughter kept a diary and you told her you were going to read it every night, the chances are the content would only be what she wanted you to see.

If you join her facebook don't forget you will also inadvertently be following a large group of teenage girls who you do not know..and vice versa. These teenage girls will also have access to all your friends....and their friends...and their friends etc etc.

 

[sazzaa]

I agree. If your daughter kept a diary and you told her you were going to read it every night, the chances are the content would only be what she wanted you to see.

If you join her facebook don't forget you will also inadvertently be following a large group of teenage girls who you do not know..and vice versa. These teenage girls will also have access to all your friends....and their friends...and their friends etc etc.

I think if you provide enough general advice and make yourself approachable and open as a parent, then she should be armed with enough knowledge to get by without being spied on, and if she makes a mistake (as we all do) then she'll know who to come to for help.

There are a worrying number of spying apps for parents on phones/ipads etc, GPS trackers for checking where your kids are at every second of the day, history logs so you can see everything they're looking at online, it's a trend that can only end badly, if not making your child feel like they're untrustworthy or having them grow up to hate you, then to make parents obsessed and paranoid... It makes me quite sad.

 

[tadpole]

I wouldn't go down this route, it's asking for a teenage strop/resentment, and would feel like spying to her. My daughter is 12 and I give her the privacy she needs while still giving her plenty guidance without looking like I'm watching her every move.

My ex S_i_L respected her 14 year old daughters privacy, and trusted her to rely on mum's guidance about the internet. that's why at her daughter became a mother, the nice "school boy in her year" she met online was 7 year older than he claimed.

 

[winjim]

The fact that she's waited until she's allowed is a good sign - how many kids have fb accounts their parents don't know about?

Remember that nothing on fb is truly private, and nothing is ever deleted from the servers. There have been instances of supposedly private and deleted information suddenly popping up in unexpected places due to bugs and hacks.

 

[Crackle]

Not since their parents insisted on befriending them.

Yes, I've not even got a Facebook acct. How uncool would it be to have your dad 'friending' you. It's all Whatsapp and those instant delete jobbies now and soon Whatsapp will die.

Trust is the key word, friending is a bit of helicopter parenting.