The CC Ex Dibble Bicycle Club

[Speicher]

A special branch? Favourite roost perhaps?

I bough to your treemendous knowledge.

 

[PeteXXX]

I was too short to join when I thought about it 40 years ago.
Now that they let any shape or size eejit join, I'm too old.

 

[Incontinentia Buttocks]

Can I be the opposite of NARPO as I'm still serving? Also a gobshite Fed Rep too.

 

[Tin Pot]

Fed Rep, eh?

Incontinentia Buttocks - Fed Rep in charge of receiving freebies and enjoying the swimming pool and bar and the Feds new national HQ.

BTW, I never bothered with the Fed. Just popped the same money into an account each month to sort a solicitor if needed, which I never did because a) our lot couldn't detect their own behinds if you gave them a mirror on a stick, and b) I had some serious dirt on one of the inquisition officers, and if they ever came for me they were going to be in 12 times as much sheet, and I would have waited for the prime tactical moment to reveal that which I knew.

In the end I never needed it, so when I retired that was an extra couple of grand to spend

A heart warming winters tale of corruption in the fil...police force.

 

[Speicher]

Are you sure you are in Ept rather than in Ert

 

[Tin Pot]

A whole topic in itself, but they represent a cross section of the population between 18 1/2 and 60, albeit under represented by women and minorities. That being the case the mix of people is much like the mix of people on the outside, upright, honest, indifferent, lazy, hardworking, inept, corrupt. They're just people, fundamentally little different to any other I'm afraid, and while they're being recruited from the general population they will continue to largely reflect that population.

But none of that in the Cyclechat Constabulary. We're all inept, and proud

Yeah I had to deal with the "We Trust Our Employees" mentality a few times, "you've got 65,000 people here and you reckon none of them could ever break the law?".

Much better to accept that we're all human.

 

[lucydog8]

Plenty of ex Dibble on here, so time for our own club.

Two membership requirements:

1) You've served as an officer in a Home Office Force, BTP, Mod Plod, Civil Nuclear Constabulary, Ports Police, Parks Police, or an over seas police force. Specials welcome, not PCSO's - this club is for sworn officers, not the asthma police.

2) You must now be an ex member. This could be due to retirement, leaving for pastures new, or quitting while under suspicion for stealing £100,000 cash from the Warks Police property store.


Do i qualify ?, haveing worked in whitehall London , i have also signed the sworn to secrecy act.

So who's in?

1) Drago - Club Chief Constable.

 

[Drago]

2/3 of employees everywhere break the law every morning on their way to work and I'm sure don't give it a second thought,

Here in the Cyclechat Constabulary we insist they do!

 

[John342]

Ex neighborhood watch count? Lol

 

[Dayvo]

Ex neighborhood watch count? Lol

You can be the PC who tells everyone the time.

 

[Bollo]

@Dayvo's Met near miss genuinely reminded me if the worst job interview I've ever had. Picture a 24 year old Bollo, busy writing up his Physics PhD and looking to exit the world of academia pronto. Behold! A job working for Met forensic science, specialising in image analysis. Young Bollo is up all hours trying to write up his thesis on the very flimsiest of research, so gives little time to investigating the role.

On the day he does decide to get a bit of background, the local library catches fire. No Internet in them days, so he'll busk it. His fatal flaw is spending the previous evening with his uncle Ronnie in Hampstead. Ronnie is a bad influence, so Bollo makes his way to Pimlico the next morning with the mo fo of all hangovers.

The interview is brutal and Bollo does not shine. The only redeeming moments are with the lovely lady who gives me the departmental tour before the interview and escorts me from the premises afterwards.

"How did it go?" She asks.

"Honestly", I say, "it didn't go well, and I nearly threw up half way through. I've got a terrible hangover."

She smiles. "A pity. The rest of the candidates were cocks."

I still love her a little bit. This story is true in every detail.

 

[I like Skol]

Never been a policeman but I'm very good at sitting on my arse eating donuts.

I think @potsy is at the front of the queue for that position