The Official Lanterne Rouge Thread 2025 [spoilers]

[Lanterne Rogue]

Are we sitting comfortably, children? Then I'd better begin...

As we all know, cycling is the greatest endurance sport known to man and the Tour de France is the pinnacle of the sport. It therefore stands to reason that the person who takes longest to complete the course is the greatest cyclist of them all - and we honour that person with the most famous red light since Sting got horny on main. Move over Roxanne, it's time for the lanterne rouge.

This thread might have a new home, but don't worry - it'll still be the same hoary old jokes. We'll follow the drama, discover new heroes, and above everything celebrate the lighter side of cycling. The Tour de France is a mullet and this right here is the party at the back.

Last year's competition saw a fairy tale ending for Mark Cavendish as he finally achieved the win of his dreams and rounded out his palmares. Let's hope this year is just as exciting...

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

Oh, and please join in. It gets awfully boring on my own...

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

If you want to know just how deranged your correspondent gets after 23 days of this nonsense, and you don't, the old threads are archived here:

https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/bike-radar-forum-refugees.301715/post-7376288

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Hello - sounds like a good thing to follow!!

 

[red.rider]

Milan could be in with a shout, but I fear green ambitions may ruin this.
Talk of echelons tomorrow, which would be a perfect opportunity for attacking off the back and gaining a chunk of time without alerting the DS’s suspicions

 

[KingstonGraham]

YES!!!! This feels like home.

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

Hello - sounds like a good thing to follow!!

If you've not enjoyed this before I promise it'll change the way you watch cycling. Sprint stages are much more intriguing when you notice who's dropping off the back to steal a few extra seconds whilst the DS isn't watching...

 

[red.rider]

YES!!!! This feels like home.

This is the most anticipated thread of the year. Thanks for persevering @Lanterne Rogue!

 

[Beebo]

What are the ethics of making a tilt for LR immortality?
Do other riders get annoyed if people are deliberately sand bagging from the off?

 

[Pblakeney]

Given that the other end of the race might be utterly predictable there is every chance that this thread will be the highlight of Le Tour.

 

[M.R.M]

Are we sitting comfortably, children? Then I'd better begin...

As we all know, cycling is the greatest endurance sport known to man and the Tour de France is the pinnacle of the sport. It therefore stands to reason that the person who takes longest to complete the course is the greatest cyclist of them all - and we honour that person with the most famous red light since Sting got horny on main. Move over Roxanne, it's time for the lanterne rouge.

This thread might have a new home, but don't worry - it'll still be the same hoary old jokes. We'll follow the drama, discover new heroes, and above everything celebrate the lighter side of cycling. The Tour de France is a mullet and this right here is the party at the back.

Last year's competition saw a fairy tale ending for Mark Cavendish as he finally achieved the win of his dreams and rounded out his palmares. Let's hope this year is just as exciting...

Love the word play between "Roxanne" and "hoary old jokes" 😉😇

 

[MadMalx]

I’ve just spent a hour reminiscing over the archive. So many riders still remembered 16 years on, including Cav - am I right in thinking he only managed to achieve immortality last year, after a whole career trying?
Also a reminder of the old BRites who very sadly no longer contribute.

 

[kaadublin]

So glad to see this return! And the archive of the old threads too! Looking forward to watching it unfold. 😀

 

[Beebo]

I presume it is somewhat frowned upon to be carrying an injury, a real Lantern Rouge winner should be physically able to ride.

We don’t want any heroics like a welshmen riding with a broken pelvis, ruining the fun.

 

[No Ta Doctor]

I presume it is somewhat frowned upon to be carrying an injury, a real Lantern Rouge winner should be physically able to ride.

We don’t want any heroics like a welshmen riding with a broken pelvis, ruining the fun.

On the contrary, achieving a significant injury early on is considered a canny, if risky, strategy. If you've got real panache you'll play it up for your DS to avoid being put on e.g. sprint train duty, allowing you to slip off the back early.

Strategy is important though. There's not much time to be made in the mountains, where l'autobus will be coming in within a couple of minutes of the time cut, so flat and lumpy stages need to be made to count. Aside from crashing and injuring yourself, standard tactics are getting in the break and getting caught, then knocking off completely when you do (keeps the DS happy), doing your bottle carrying/break chasing early so you can knock off before the peloton hits the sprint lead-out part of the race, and convincing your DS that you're ill. Obviously, you always hope you can get caught the wrong side of an echelon. True masters will be employing all of these depending on the stage profile.