The Official Lanterne Rouge Thread 2025 [spoilers]

[ebikeerwidnes]

On the contrary, achieving a significant injury early on is considered a canny, if risky, strategy. If you've got real panache you'll play it up for your DS to avoid being put on e.g. sprint train duty, allowing you to slip off the back early.

Strategy is important though. There's not much time to be made in the mountains, where l'autobus will be coming in within a couple of minutes of the time cut, so flat and lumpy stages need to be made to count. Aside from crashing and injuring yourself, standard tactics are getting in the break and getting caught, then knocking off completely when you do (keeps the DS happy), doing your bottle carrying/break chasing early so you can knock off before the peloton hits the sprint lead-out part of the race, and convincing your DS that you're ill. Obviously, you always hope you can get caught the wrong side of an echelon. True masters will be employing all of these depending on the stage profile.

This is great

reminds of the effort I put into staying in the teachers good books when I was at school while doing as little as possible

other kids tried REALLY hard but just got noticed
the trick was sitting on the extreme left or right
and answering the first question eagerly so they never asked me when it came to the more difficult ones later on

It takes thought and research to do things like that

 

[Archie from BR]

Lenny Martinez understands the rules of this game, when the group in front of him loose 6.00 mins he shows how to stretch it out to 9.00 mins, that's class..

 

[M.R.M]

There ought to be an easier way to go for the KOM jersey. 😉

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

I don't know much about Lille, other than it's been honoured with both rappers (Lille Nas X) and Korean dictators (Lil' Kim). What I do know is that it's so good the Tour decided to visit it twice in one stage today, racing from Lille to, well, Lille. And if the finishing town was suspiciously familiar, so too were the expected tactics - get out early in a break, gurn a bit for the cameras, and let the peloton sweep past you whilst apologising to the DS that you couldn't hold their wheels. Classic lanterne racing, in fact.

And that's more or less what happened... except in a highly novel, brave and commissaire-baiting move Benjamin Thomas decided to save kilometres of pretending to work away in the break by securing a single KOM point with a bike throw. Not a throw for the line, you understand - instead a somewhat excited Thomas fully threw his bike under the front wheel of fellow rider Matteo Vercher in the conclusion to perhaps the fiercest, and certainly the daftest, contested Cat 4 in Tour history. Whilst Thomas continued happily and rolled in with one of the various bunches to claim the first spotty jumper of the Tour, Vercher accepted his good fortune and arrived fully six minutes down to open his account in the most glorious competition of all.

Unfortunately, however, Vercher was outfoxed by Lenny Martinez, who had enjoyed an afternoon of such epic mediocrity in the crosswinds that he'd pulled out the least convincing 9'11" since the mildly annoying British boy band. Elsewhere Ireland's Philip O'Gana fell victim to a nasty case of being selected in my Velogames squad, and Stefan Bisseger also registered a DNF. Martinez leads by around three minutes, and Vercher must console himself with the combativity prize. Bit odd, really, given he wasn't the one throwing his bike at somebody. I can only assume he went and lamped Thomas afterwards...

 

[No Ta Doctor]

I don't know much about Lille, other than it's been honoured with both rappers (Lille Nas X) and Korean dictators (Lil' Kim). What I do know is that it's so good the Tour decided to visit it twice in one stage today, racing from Lille to, well, Lille. And if the finishing town was suspiciously familiar, so too were the expected tactics - get out early in a break, gurn a bit for the cameras, and let the peloton sweep past you whilst apologising to the DS that you couldn't hold their wheels. Classic lanterne racing, in fact.

And that's more or less what happened... except in a highly novel, brave and commissaire-baiting move Benjamin Thomas decided to save kilometres of pretending to work away in the break by securing a single KOM point with a bike throw. Not a throw for the line, you understand - instead a somewhat excited Thomas fully threw his bike under the front wheel of fellow rider Matteo Vercher in the conclusion to perhaps the fiercest, and certainly the daftest, contested Cat 4 in Tour history. Whilst Thomas continued happily and rolled in with one of the various bunches to claim the first spotty jumper of the Tour, Vercher accepted his good fortune and arrived fully six minutes down to open his account in the most glorious competition of all.

Unfortunately, however, Vercher was outfoxed by Lenny Martinez, who had enjoyed an afternoon of such epic mediocrity in the crosswinds that he'd pulled out the least convincing 9'11" since the mildly annoying British boy band. Elsewhere Ireland's Philip O'Gana fell victim to a nasty case of being selected in my Velogames squad, and Stefan Bisseger also registered a DNF. Martinez leads by around three minutes, and Vercher must console himself with the combativity prize. Bit odd, really, given he wasn't the one throwing his bike at somebody. I can only assume he went and lamped Thomas afterwards...

It has to be said that there is far more novelty, improvisation and ingenuity in the tactics at this end of the race than the other. While there was nothing entirely new in Lenny from No Mötorhead playing the "I'm only smol and it's windy" card, he executed it to perfection, but getting taken out from the break in a mountain points sprint is a new one for me. UCI should investigate whether it was an illegal coordinated action between two riders from different teams.

 

[M.R.M]

I don't know much about Lille, other than it's been honoured with both rappers (Lille Nas X) and Korean dictators (Lil' Kim). What I do know is that it's so good the Tour decided to visit it twice in one stage today, racing from Lille to, well, Lille. And if the finishing town was suspiciously familiar, so too were the expected tactics - get out early in a break, gurn a bit for the cameras, and let the peloton sweep past you whilst apologising to the DS that you couldn't hold their wheels. Classic lanterne racing, in fact.

And that's more or less what happened... except in a highly novel, brave and commissaire-baiting move Benjamin Thomas decided to save kilometres of pretending to work away in the break by securing a single KOM point with a bike throw. Not a throw for the line, you understand - instead a somewhat excited Thomas fully threw his bike under the front wheel of fellow rider Matteo Vercher in the conclusion to perhaps the fiercest, and certainly the daftest, contested Cat 4 in Tour history. Whilst Thomas continued happily and rolled in with one of the various bunches to claim the first spotty jumper of the Tour, Vercher accepted his good fortune and arrived fully six minutes down to open his account in the most glorious competition of all.

Unfortunately, however, Vercher was outfoxed by Lenny Martinez, who had enjoyed an afternoon of such epic mediocrity in the crosswinds that he'd pulled out the least convincing 9'11" since the mildly annoying British boy band. Elsewhere Ireland's Philip O'Gana fell victim to a nasty case of being selected in my Velogames squad, and Stefan Bisseger also registered a DNF. Martinez leads by around three minutes, and Vercher must console himself with the combativity prize. Bit odd, really, given he wasn't the one throwing his bike at somebody. I can only assume he went and lamped Thomas afterwards...

Here is Lisa Hannigan commenting on Roglic and Remco in Lille.

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

It has to be said that there is far more novelty, improvisation and ingenuity in the tactics at this end of the race than the other.

This is entirely true. Whilst the marginal gains at the other end of the peloton are all about nerdy things like trimming your nose hair for optimal airflow, the lanterne is the territory of truly maximal gains.

That might explain why, having honed the art of losing spectacularly with Manchester United, Sir Dave Brailsford has now returned to Ineos to try and recover the glory days when they achieved a glorious first British success at the Tour and won the lanterne with Luke Rowe. Unfortunately his masterplan (1: Have Ganna bounce on his bonce. 2: ??? 3: profit!) backfired badly, but no doubt the cast of the Death Star will be reassessing tonight and back tomorrow with yet more cunning plans.

 

[M.R.M]

It has to be said that there is far more novelty, improvisation and ingenuity in the tactics at this end of the race than the other. While there was nothing entirely new in Lenny from No Mötorhead playing the "I'm only smol and it's windy" card, he executed it to perfection, but getting taken out from the break in a mountain points sprint is a new one for me. UCI should investigate whether it was an illegal coordinated action between two riders from different teams.

Conjoined twins Benjamin & Thomas hit Y on the controller to throw the banana, but joke was on them. They turned into the banana themselves.

 

[M.R.M]

This is entirely true. Whilst the marginal gains at the other end of the peloton are all about nerdy things like trimming your nose hair for optimal airflow, the lanterne is the territory of truly maximal gains.

That might explain why, having honed the art of losing spectacularly with Manchester United, Sir Dave Brailsford has now returned to Ineos to try and recover the glory days when they achieved a glorious first British success at the Tour and won the lanterne with Luke Rowe. Unfortunately his masterplan (1: Have Ganna bounce on his bonce. 2: ??? 3: profit!) backfired badly, but no doubt the cast of the Death Star will be reassessing tonight and back tomorrow with yet more cunning plans.

Oddly they have tried the bounce on your bonce tactic repeatedly with Geraint, and yet they persist. Clearly Brailsford sees something we don't.

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

Oddly they have tried the bounce on your bonce tactic repeatedly with Geraint, and yet they persist. Clearly Brailsford sees something we don't.

HANG ON ONE PESKY MOMENT!

Geraint's knocking on a bit, isn't he? And a young lad gets lonely, cycling around France... Are we sure that a tendency towards freak cycling accidents can't be hereditary? I mean, if the name fits...

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

Stage 2, and my eye was drawn this morning to a tale of deception, terrible investment decisions, an incredible amount of grift - and what was marketed as an uplifting tale of a frail old man being dragged around for week after week. Imagine my surprise when I discovered they were talking about The Salt Path and not Chris Froome's time at Israel-Premier Tech...

Anyway, back at this Tour (and even Israel-Premier Tech haven't been silly enough to bring Froome again), the Lanterne is still in its awkward settling down phase where the pattern of the race isn't yet clear. What's immediately apparent however is that Astana have brought all their experience to bear, and are already showing superb teamwork. First Fedorov slipped away in the break in what looked like a traditional "placate the DS and then sit up later" move. This turned out to be a feint, however, because once the peloton caught him Fedorov immediately started working for Cees Bol and to drag him right to the top of the standings. Everybody wet their knickers at Jumbo Visma placing Wout van Aert up the road during the Giro to work for Yates, and I hope Astana get due plaudits for their creativity in leaving Bol down the road in exactly the same way alongside chaperone Ballerini. It's also worth noting that Fedorov also suffered a crash during the break, in a clear attempt to reduce his effectiveness further, and this surely deserves a combativity prize. Greater love hath no man than he that lays down his bike for a friend and all that...

Elsewhere Lenny Martinez suffered a remarkable jour avec and drops out of the hunt entirely, and French hopes of finally seeing one of their riders compete for the greatest prize in cycling look as futile as ever with only Clement Champoussin in the top ten on underall standings.

Plat du jour:

Plat tyres:

 

[Pblakeney]

IIRC Cees Bol is a veteran in this competition. Experience will serve him well.

 

[Blazing Saddles]

IIRC Cees Bol is a veteran in this competition. Experience will serve him well.

Yup
He’s clearly out to improve upon his 4th place finish, last year. This year he hasn’t got the mighty Cav to contend with, either.

 

[No Ta Doctor]

IIRC Cees Bol is a veteran in this competition. Experience will serve him well.

Both Bol and Fedorov were on the podium in 23, when Michael Mørkøv took the spoils.

Fedorov will be looking to take a more mature approach than in 2024, where in his youthful enthusiasm he managed to finish OTL on stage 12

Bol finished 4th last year, just missing the chance to fulfil an Astana 1-2-3 with Cav winning and Ballerini 2nd. Apparently that wasn't their (Lotto-)Destiny though, with Jarrad Dizziness grabbing third.

Aside from that he also has a 2nd place to Declercq in '21 and a top ten from his first Tour in 2020, so he's clearly a sharp competitor.

 

[Lanterne Rogue]

It'd be really easy to assume the lanterne is dominated by riders who are crocked or ill, and in both cases victims of misfortune, but Bol's a really good example of another sort - he gets through an enormous amount of unshowy work and then shuts down and saves energy by rolling in gently. One of the things I love about this thread is that you get to notice and appreciate guys like that.