The Retirement Thread

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D

Deleted member 1258

Guest
I always wave at the local farmers and hope that they might take mercy on me in the event of getting stranded! and sling me and the bike in the back of their pickup :okay:
If i have a heart attack and get eaten by the local wildlife my bleached skeleton might become a local landmark 'Cyclist folly hill' :laugh:

Some years ago I remember someone I knew having a minor fall somewhere way out in the sticks, he didn't hurt himself but fell on his phone wrecking it, he walked several miles to a farmhouse so he could phone his wife to come out and pick him up.
 

Dave7

Legendary Member
Location
Cheshire
Have you missed me :rolleyes:
We had a wonderful afternoon/evening at the irish club. The Guinness and Jamesons slid down too easily........hence my late appearance. I woke at 0845......can't recall when that last happened.
I will report back later.
 
D

Deleted member 1258

Guest
From my facebook page this morning.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch..
 

welsh dragon

Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
I have done some spring cleaning, yes i know it's winter. Just got rid of a bag of clothes I havnt worn in years or no longer suit me. No point in keeping it.
 

Mo1959

Legendary Member
Just had a lady at the door trying to get people to sign up to a lottery for C.H.A.S. which runs children's hospices in Scotland. I didn't commit at the door as she wanted details but said I would look online. Fiver a month for a good cause. I might do it. I'll think about it. I already do one for the Scottish Charity Air Ambulance.
 

ColinJ

Puzzle game procrastinator!
Quite fancy buying a cottage one day out in the middle of no-where, might get snowed in for a couple of weeks a year but thats ok :okay:
My dad used to work with someone who always took his summer holiday in the Yorkshire Dales. He absolutely loved it up there and said that he planned to retire to a little cottage in the Dales. Dad persuaded him to take a winter break there to see what he thought of that. He did, got snowed in, struggled to get food in, and almost froze to death. He thanked my dad and retired in the Midlands instead! :laugh:

Just had a lady at the door trying to get people to sign up to a lottery for C.H.A.S. which runs children's hospices in Scotland. I didn't commit at the door as she wanted details but said I would look online. Fiver a month for a good cause. I might do it. I'll think about it. I already do one for the Scottish Charity Air Ambulance.
Ah, chuggers (charity muggers)...! I saw an article that explained how much they earn for signing up new donors. It was often £100-200! The charity will typically take 1-2 years to make that back and only benefit from the generous people who keep on giving beyond that point.

I had a very pushy one knock at my door. I told her that I used to give to charity when I had a well-paid job but those days were gone and I only just had enough to pay my bills, nothing to spare for charity. I got a bit angry when she continued to guilt-trip me so I asked her how much of the huge finder's fee she would give to charity? She denied earning any money at all from it so I told her that I would phone the charity and ask them if they would prefer me to sign up directly! She then backtracked and said that she was as entitled to earn a living as anyone else... Hah!

If/when I start giving to charity again I will do my research and bypass the chuggers!
 

Mo1959

Legendary Member
My dad used to work with someone who always took his summer holiday in the Yorkshire Dales. He absolutely loved it up there and said that he planned to retire to a little cottage in the Dales. Dad persuaded him to take a winter break there to see what he thought of that. He did, got snowed in, struggled to get food in, and almost froze to death. He thanked my dad and retired in the Midlands instead! :laugh:


Ah, chuggers (charity muggers)...! I saw an article that explained how much they earn for signing up new donors. It was often £100-200! The charity will typically take 1-2 years to make that back and only benefit from the generous people who keep on giving beyond that point.

I had a very pushy one knock at my door. I told her that I used to give to charity when I had a well-paid job but those days were gone and I only just had enough to pay my bills, nothing to spare for charity. I got a bit angry when she continued to guilt-trip me so I asked her how much of the huge finder's fee she would give to charity? She denied earning any money at all from it so I told her that I would phone the charity and ask them if they would prefer me to sign up directly! She then backtracked and said that she was as entitled to earn a living as anyone else... Hah!

If/when I start giving to charity again I will do my research and bypass the chuggers!
Probably explains why her face fell when I said I would just check it out online!
 

Tenkaykev

Guru
Location
Poole
Good afternoon folks,
Just been for a walk in the sunshine, 14 degrees and felt so mild that I had to take my jacket off. The sun being over my shoulder revealed something that I'd not noticed before, despite having walked and ran up the same lane innumerable times over the years. It was a Sundial, mounted vertically on a fence. The shadow from the gnomon caught my eye. I noticed the sundial was about 13 minutes fast 😉

617882
 
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