they haven't got a clue!

[Mad Doug Biker]

As a kid I used to think that long life milk would make you live longer, that when you went to a meeting, you got plates of meat to eat, and finally, and most amusingly, when there was a drinks machine, that there was someone inside it making them for you! (although I quickly realised that some were too small for even a kid to live in, so obviously, there must have been a hole in the wall behind it leading to a small room where someone resided instead!).

I was a rather backward child though.

 

[andrew-the-tortoise]

And Mr Summerdays once wanted to know if the soldering iron was hot so tested it on his nose

Oh I wish i had seen that!!!!!!

Done that myself! It had one of those IC removing bits on - left a lovely shaped burn.

 

[slowmotion]

Apologies to those who have seen this before.....

http://www.constructionchemicals.co.uk/blog/2010/04/05/contractor-of-the-year-awards-humour/

 

[shippers]

My dad used to like to tell me the tale of wh he painted a running track on a sports field the wrong way round.

When chip and pin technology first came out a shop near me installed the machine behind the counter.

 

[Bman]

And Mr Summerdays once wanted to know if the soldering iron was hot so tested it on his nose

Oh I wish i had seen that!!!!!!

I use my nose to test if my soldering iron is still hot.

I dont burn myself, I smell it. It sounds weird, but it works. You can tell if its hot (too hot to touch) by its "smell" (its not the smell exactly, but it does work!).

 

[buggi]

my ex put his t'shirt on and there was the bump in the shoulder where the coathanger had been. So he decided to iron it out... while he was wearing it yes, he burnt his neck.

Lesson learned??? 2 months later he did it again. Muppet!

 

[Tubbs]

I wondered how hard you had to press a stapler between your finger and thumb before it clicked. Ouch.

 

[gary r]

just remembered a story about my old flat mate Mark,he locked the keys in his car and decided to break in,Instead of smashing the small side window he smashed the glass sunroof!!!it was a datsun/nissan 300zx sunroof,he couldnt get a replacement and he had water pouring in his car for months as the taped up bodged piece of plastic was useless

 

[NormanD]

I know my neighbour tried a bit of DIY and knocked out a load bearing internal wall (without supports) only for the two bedrooms wall and floors either side of it come crashing down


Watched my brother-in-laws dad trying to drill into a fence post with a masonry drill bit and the drill in reverse!

Best of all

Brain dead moron tried to jump on the back of a horse cowboy style, run up from behind, jump both hands on the hide quarters leap frog into the saddle, only someone forgot to tell the horse what was going on, I can still hear the gurgling sound as he tumbled in mid air from a double barrel to the gut

 

[longers]

I wondered how hard you had to press a stapler between your finger and thumb before it clicked. Ouch.

I did that too. Just the once mind.

As a kid I was told not to touch the frying pan as it was very hot. So I stuck my tongue on it instead. It was indeed very hot.

 

[kevin_cambs_uk]

I once demonstrated one of the brown tape guns on the back of my car ....
Suffice to day I wasn't too bothered when I got rear ended as at least the lovely scratch was finally painted !

 

[ColinJ]

I watched a wood machinist cutting his finger nails on his circular saw once. (He got away with it.)

I watched a manager in my department absent-mindedly poking a finger through the grille over a large cooling fan at the back of a rack of electrical equipment once. (He didn't get away with it - he yelped in pain as the fan took his fingernail off!)

I was trying to take the pedals off my bike to pack it away for a cycling holiday. I remember thinking "Colin - be very careful taking the RH pedal off - if the pedal spanner slips, you could gash your hand on the big chainring." I went ahead, the spanner slipped and I gashed my hand on the big chainring!

Once, after a few drinks with mates, I decided to show off by getting out of a car while it was still doing 20 mph. I sobered up in about 1 millisecond as my feet were whipped away from under me and I was dragged along clinging onto the car door handle. I lost a shoe and a lot of skin off my toes!

In my local gym I'd got bored of sprinting on a fixed-wheel exercise bike with a 20 kg flywheel so I decided to stop pedalling and dismount...

A tall friend of mine decided to cycle home from a party rather the worse for wear. He chose to use the local canal towpath, headbutted a bridge and ended up in the canal!

Oh, soldering irons - once, I realised that mine was on so I made sure that I didn't pick it up by the handle! (I melted grooves in my thumb and forefinger.)

I was interested in testing the principle of electromagnetic induction so I connected a large choke coil from an old TV to a 9-volt battery while holding the ends of the wires. (When I broke the connection a multi-kV shock threw me clear across the room!)

 

[BrumJim]

Took the u-bend off under a sink. It was full of water. So I poured it down the sink. The one in front of me, with the u-bend that was in my hand.

D'oh!

 

[guitarpete247]

There are far too many who never learn from their mistakes. Just check out the Darwin Awards site. I go back to this for a laugh every so often.

 

[ColinJ]

There are far too many who never learn from their mistakes. Just check out the Darwin Awards site. I go back to this for a laugh every so often.

I cringe, rather than laugh at Scrotum Self-Repair!