they haven't got a clue!

[guitarpete247]

My god. I hadn't read that one yet. But I bet he still has enough left to add to the gene pool that is humanity.

 

[Maizie]

As a kid I used to think that long life milk would make you live longer, [...].

I remember as a child being bemused by that bread which was advertised with "nowt taken out", because I'd never heard of nowt. My mother was highly amused when I ended up caving and asking just what this nowt stuff you got in bread actually was...

 

[Andy in Sig]

Took the u-bend off under a sink. It was full of water. So I poured it down the sink. The one in front of me, with the u-bend that was in my hand.

D'oh!

You're alright mate. I think all normal blokes do that at least once.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

You're alright mate. I think all normal blokes do that at least once.

cough...

 

[swee'pea99]

In the office one day and suddenly water starts dripping, then pouring, through the ceiling. Rush upstairs and bang on door, which is answered by a raddled looking bloke trying to look innocent. "'ello, can I elp you?" he says in perfect Clouseau. "There's water pissing through our ceiling!" We say. "Ah," he says, looking uncomfortable. At which point I notice the spreading puddle coming from under that door.

Run in, open the door, there's water at mains pressure spraying out of a pipe under the sink. "What the XXXX?" Next to it, a drill on the toilet seat. He's only drilled a hole straight into the pipe, then just left and closed the door when it all went pear-shaped. We look at him accusingly. "It did not leurk lek a peurp," he says. Became a sort of office catch-phrase for truly numpty behaviour.

Like the time I put the power mower over the cable, picked up the cable, saw the bare metal, thought 'wonder if that's live?' and prodded it with my finger to find out...

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I did the touch test on bare cable once too - it was live and I did a kind of funny dance until I managed to let go. Bladder release system didn't activate.

Anyone else hedge trimmed the power chord?

 

[Globalti]

I bent over to examine a pot plant and got the green stick straight in my eye. A very common accident, that.

 

[Andy in Sig]

I did the touch test on bare cable once too - it was live and I did a kind of funny dance until I managed to let go. Bladder release system didn't activate.

Anyone else hedge trimmed the power chord?

While trying to mount a shelf for my phone, I drilled into the mains cable in the wall. I worked this out after my back had slammed into the opposite wall.

 

[gary r]

i was driving back from Ipswich with my not so bright mate Ricky in the back of my car,I suddenly smelt a horrible burning smell in the car,looking round i could see Ricky rolling about on the back seat holding his hand.he had pushed in the cigarette lighter in the rear of the car and then stuffed his thumb into it as it didnt look hot!!!!! he didnt make a sound as he didnt was me to know he had done such a stupid thing.he had a nice burn on the end of his thumb for his efforts!!

 

[trustysteed]

Anyone else hedge trimmed the power chord?

maybe... and my lawn mower cord is also sporting duct tape repairs....

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I once put the roof rack on the car attached the bike rack and drove from Oxfordshire to Matlock in Derbyshire to collect a bike - when I got there the rack was locked and I hadn't brought the key along. 200 mile round trip for feck all. Twerp.

Another prime piece of idiocy was resting my sat-nav near the rear bumper of the car while I loaded stuff into the back. When I'd finished I slammed the boot shut straight onto it

 

[ChrisKH]

Took the ends of my fluorescent bed light off when I was about eight once and wondered what would happen if I touched the exposed ends when the light was on.

Stripped a wire with my front teeth, then realised it was live.

My brother had an annoying crease in his shirt, so gave it a squirt of steam from his iron. He was wearing it at that the time.

Cut the power wire with hedge trimmers (fortunately I had it plugged into a power breaker).

Cut off my brother's finger with a spade suspended from a tree with a pulley and some red wool. Not surprisingly the wool broke and my brother's finger was on a tree stump which the spade fell on. The look on my father's face when he put his finger under the tap and it fell off...............fortunately the doctors were able to re-attach it and there was no harm done, apart from it now looks a little bit bulbous and mishapen.

Loads more; I just can't think of them all.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Took the u-bend off under a sink. It was full of water. So I poured it down the sink. The one in front of me, with the u-bend that was in my hand.

D'oh!

Done that

 

[BigSteev]

I locked myself out of my flat. The front door was in a sort of porch area and in a 'I've had one too many' state I thought the best solution would be to kick the door open. I braced myself against the wall opposite the door and gave the door an almighty kick. The door didn't budge. I however found myself on the floor looking up at a huge hole in the plasterboard wall I had braced myself against.

 

[swee'pea99]

Brilliant thread this...god we're a bunch of idiots!